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Wednesday, March 09, 2005

My First To Market Ways

In most things that I'm passionate about, I've realized that I need to be the first to market. For those without my deficient marketing expertise, that means, "Me first." Whether it is music or sports, I've found that I need to be the very first one to know about them. I guess in my eyes potential weighs more than popularity. In fact, if it's popular, there is a pretty good chance I don't like it.

Take the Oakland A's for instance. In the off season they traded their two best pitchers, Tim Hudson and Mark Mulder (2 of 9 pitchers with a lifetime winning percentage of .650) for 6 young prospects. So Atlanta and St. Louis can chug wang tonight while I dream of the days when Daric Barton becomes the finest catcher in all the land. He may not do diddly dick in his career, but he could do a lot more.

In the realm of music, not much changes. If it's on the radio, or if somebody from work knows it, and to a certain extent if it's played on MTV, I generally don't like it. Sometimes I'll go to my local independent music store and buy whatever my local music expert tells me to despite the fact I've never heard of them. Usually turns out to be decent and no one is the wiser. I wouldn't listen to The Greatful Dead until I was out of high school because everyone seemed to think they rawked.

TV works the same way. It took me probably until the third season of The Sopranos until I would watch an episode the whole way through. Everyone was too into it too soon. I called bullshit and it kind of backfired. Turns out that show's not too bad. Nip/Tuck's also pretty saucy. Waited too long on Scrubs and Ed as well. But, I've been down with Lost from the get go. Word.

Things I've been first to market on: Oakland A's, Ben Harper, chocolate milk, getting drunk, smoking while on the toilet, inventing my own ego-centric drinking game, being white and owning an ODB album, INXS, body hair, masturbation.

Things I should have jumped on sooner: The Cure, cool casual blazers, having sex with Paris Hilton and Tara Reid, The Sports Guy (still haven't), iPod (that too), bowl cut (never got one and proud of it, but it could have helped those awkward adolescent years), losing the part in my hair.

Man in Black...One other thing that we were first to the market on...Toilet Vision! Man i miss the days of watching SportsCenter on the shitter.
Wow, Man in Black, I didn't realize how lucky I am to have you as a friend! Holy shit! I would be living in a completely culture-less world without you!

I mean, I just can't believe that you were the charter fan for the Oakland Athletics! Unbelievable! You knew about Tim Hudson and Mark Mulder, two of the best pitchers in MLB who are frequently featured on SportsCenter, before anyone else? Unbelievable!

You were the first white kid to own an ODB record? I can't believe it! I mean, Justin Wambold found that out from you? And that album--of the 1,000,000+ people that bought it, at least half of which white, you were the first one? Thank you, beacon of coolness!

And you left out Pearl Jam--you know, that underground band from Seattle? I think you wear a hat with their name on it quite a bit. I wonder if they'll ever hit it big?
Wow, Ga Hill, you're a dick! You are lucky to have me as a friend. Obviously, you are too dense to pick up on the fact that I meant within our inner circle. Nowhere in my incessant rambling did I say I was the first to know about Mulder and Hudson. I don't like your attitude, boy.

EZT, thanks for reminding me of the finer things in life. It's nice to have a friend that appreciates me.
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