.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

Sunday, February 27, 2005

this is an audio post - click to play

Saturday, February 26, 2005

No, not two...

That is your 8th SEC East Title and 5th Overall SEC title, Tubby! Did I mention this is his 8th season at Kentucky? Nothing like going 8 for 8 on SEC titles, huh?

NO ONE picked Kentucky to win today. NO ONE should pick against the best coach in America. Someday they'll learn. Posted by Hello

Thursday, February 24, 2005

this is an audio post - click to play

One more thing....

Sorry to go on about this, but I just cannot get enough of the Republic of Texas. Here is their Preamble to their Constitution:

We, the people of the Republic of Texas by the grace and beneficence of Creator God, do ordain and reestablish our nation's lawful position among the sovereign nations of the earth in accordance with common law and the Law of Nations, and by these articles do reestablish the government of the Republic of Texas in this Interim mode. The action formally dissolves the military rule that has existed over Texas since 1865.

I just want that last sentence to sink in for a bit. I just love this. Oh, that horrible "military rule" that saved our asses from Mexico, and that provides schools, hospitals, roads, military protection, etc etc etc. Damn you oppressors! Power to the people!

Support the "Republic of Texas!" -- UPDATED

Apparently there is a group called the Republic of Texas, and they are a special interest group pushing for the annexation of Texas into their own independent nation (again).

My only question is: Where do I send my check to this glorious organization?

Daniel Miller, the President of the "Republic of Texas Interim Government," has established their capitol in Overton, TX. He claims that an independent Texas would be "an economic powerhouse worldwide," and "there is a trend worldwide toward independence and decontrol, and we think it's high time that trend came to Texas."

You know, I couldn't have said it better, President Miller! It is high time for Texas to get the f out of here!

I feel like I can comment on this, as I used to live in Houston, and Houston/East Texas was part of my territory with my last position. The funny thing is that this loon can not only be "president" of this "interim government," but that this is a major story in Texas. Only Texans are full enough of themselves to honestly think that they could operate as their own country. This ain't the early 1800's, boys.

Whatever. I'll be the first volunteer to help out in this cause (but only if Mack Brown still gets to lose to Oklahoma every year).

UPDATE: You can learn more about the Republic of Texas here. If you're looking for a job, look no further--they have positions open for County Coordinators (whose duties include, among others, "patriation of new citizens in the county"). In fact, they have 318 POSITIONS OPEN. In other words, they need one for every country in Texas.

You can also give to their cause with your major credit card!! I would be donating right now, had I not gotten my taxes done today. Turns out I have to donate WAY TOO MUCH money to my own government--start up governments are going to have to wait a while. GA HILL

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Webber to the 76ers...

From a basketball standpoint, this is just a fantastic move by the 76ers. If I remember correctly, Allen Iverson has never played with an All-Star. NEVER. Even when they got to the Finals. This is not only going to make the Sixers better, but it is a statement by the Sixers organization that really hasn't been made since AI has been there--"we're going to do whatever we can to make this team better." It is also a great move in the sense that they let the "AI supposedly wants to be traded" talk last for 2 weeks, and did the best thing they could do to make him happy (which is a byproduct of the unfortunate ultra-superstar ruling the world attitude of professional sports, but that is another post for another day). And while Webber isn't exactly the ultra-athletic big man he was a few years ago, he can still drop 30 and 10 without really thinking about it. Great move.

Now, all that being said, what are the social ramifications for this team? Is it needless to say that AI and C-Webb become the best friends in the world? Did Philly's club scene just improve to the 50th power? Did the sale of pagers in the neighborhood around the Spectrum just jump 100 percent? Is it possible we can get Jason Williams traded this team to run the point, move AI to the 2 guard, and see how quickly the locker room windows get covered with tin foil? How much faster does this move along the inevitable corruption of Kyle Korver? These are the questions that I need answered!

Update: I have read a number of stories about this Sixers team, and as it turns out Korver is AI boy on the team, AI would help Korver do the Rookie Laundry on road trips.

Gambling Rules

The lack of gambling opportunities in my life right now (except the lovely ponies, of course) , have forced me once again to focus on how I'm going to make my millions. Which brings me to option #63, The Gambling Network.

Actually this idea came up during the Super Bowl pregame show, when I realized that all I could think about was over/unders and MVP odds, and all I was seeing on TV was Bradshaw's bald mug. I envisioned what a glorious sight the Gambling Network Super Bowl Pregame Extravaganza would be like, and how it would trump every other pregame show, past and future, known to man-kind. I knew that there were many people like me who would rather get updates on lines plus handicapping tips from experts. Instead of Howie Long, we would have four real bookies/pro gamblers discussing all of the angles on every game.

Other than knocking College Gameday off the air, I see no real downside to this channel. The rest of the programming would consist of poker shows, movies involving gambling like Casino or Rounders, and original programming encompassing all aspects of the trillion-dollar gambling industry. Which reminds me, is there any "boutique" (i.e. History Channel, Home and Garden, etc.) cable channel with a bigger audience then gambling? I don't think so, and these channels obviously make money.

The lesson, as always, I'm a genius.

npgage comment: We could also show reruns of Tilt. Other features that I feel would be good would be rankings of on-line sites for both poker and sports gambling.

Chicks dig the long ball..

Courtesy of the Chicago Tribune, this is a picture of Greg Maddux taking BP. As I have mentioned on a previous post, I simply cannot wait for Spring Training and the baseball season. Hope springs eternal, especially for a Cubs fan. I have been reading all the preview magazines and articles lately, and for the second straight year, they've got me awfully excited. The Cubs, despite losing Sosa for nothing, and losing The Farns for nothing, are going to be a really good team. I'll do my full NL Central preview here soon enough. For now, I wanted to post this picture because it really just epitomizes what Spring Training is--alone in the batting cage, working out the cob webs, no crowd....just you and the bat. This also sums up what I love about Maddux--always working on his game. He could not take one swing all of Spring if he wanted to, and no one is going to say anything to the guy. He has absolutely nothing to prove anymore. He could completely and totally mail it in at this point. But he doesn't. The guy is a consummate professional, and I simply could not be happier he is going to finish his career as a Cub. Posted by Hello

npgage comment: I see no proof that this is Greg Maddux. I think it's probably a body double and Maddux is playing golf.

REPLY: Good point, gage. However, if you look closely, you can see the almost non-existent forearms, the sihloutte of his face, and the slightly protruding gut that has shown up in the last few years.

npgage comment: Oddly enough, you just explained a body double. Most of the best body doubles share a silhoette with the person they are imitating.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

The Legendary Roots Crew!

Here is the live DVD/CD that The Roots put out. It is indeed the MTV2 concert that was on when they dropped The Tipping Point. The sound quality and video is excellent--it is nice to have something of this quality live from The Roots. Cop this now! Posted by Hello
**The main reason for this post is that I finally got a picture up. Woooo!!

Mmmm Doughnut

Ok, so last week I had the privilege of doing some traveling for work. I was required to take a short trip to Atlanta for a frivolous meeting. Having been forced to spend time in a few airports along the way has led me to a few observations, one of which has been troubling me. The most striking and troubling of these observations was that there are a lot of women out there that are of the plus size variety, and they all wear pointy toe shoes! I'm not joking either; the farther I got from the Mason-Dixon Line the tighter the pants and the pointier the shoes. Is there a logical explanation to this? Is it the new style; that much like a major motion picture, it takes many weeks to reach the beloved Midwest? I don't understand it. I kept hoping I was going witness an Al Bundy like person trying to cram a foot into a woman's shoe that was painfully too small. Not only were most of these women proud to embrace what they were, but they had "sas." They were not afraid to take down the Denny's Grand Slam with extra toast while standing at the door to the jet way. They wanted you to know they were hungry, they could project fear into you if you looked too long. It truly was a fascinating talent. The confusion and irony of this observation came full tilt when I was on my final connection back to the promise land and was seated next to a larger woman. Like a father reaching out to his young son to show him the way to manhood she reached into the seatback in front of her and pulled out a fitness magazine. She immediately began taking the self-evaluation tests in the magazine to find the best way for her to begin her new weight loss plan. Why was this stranger doing this test right in front of my eyes? Was a greater power playing a trick on me after making me look deeper into my observations from the previous days?
What is the purpose of caring about things so trivial? I have honestly lst sleep wondering what this means.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Hey Rube

"SEPPUKU" is defined in my huge leather dictionary as "ceremonial suicide, by ripping open the abdomen with a dagger or knife, formerly practiced in Japan by members of the warrior class, when disgraced or sentenced to death."
That is the word I was looking for when my boys from Kentucky went belly-up and disgraced the whole state by losing ugly in the second round of the NCAA Tournament. It was a terrible shock to every cell in my body. My heart went limp and the air rushed out of my lungs for 20 or 30 seconds when I saw the final score, and I fell sideways into a plate of watermelon. It was like being whacked from behind with a baseball bat.
I blacked out momentarily, but the room had already emptied except for two girls who were snickering at me as they backed out the door. I was so swollen with shame that I felt like a Japanese Fugue fish in heat -- and that was when I thought about Seppuku. It was the only honorable way out, so I reached for my gold-handled Samurai sword.
Hunter S. Thompson
March 23, 2004

Sad news coming out of Aspen today, right now all we know is the Good Doctor Hunter S Thompson decided to take his own life. I would be lying to you if I told you that I loved and understood all of his writing, I again would be lying to you if I told you I have read all of his books, but I have been reading his Page 2 columns for a number of years, and more often did than not the man made me laugh, think, and gamble. His love for betting the ponies and annual writing on the Kentucky Durby will be missed. Do yourself a favor, I am going to toss this link out there for people to take a look at the writing styling of the Good Doctor.
UPDATE: I was going to post the above excerpt, but Delusional beat me to it. Hunter was as hardcore of a Kentucky Basketball fan as they come, and no one, and I mean no one, could write out the pain of a Kentucky fan like he could. The above passage was exactly right. My story from that game was I got on a plane at halftime for my last crappy job to fly to New Orleans. The Cats were down, if I remember, by 1 or 2 at half. Not too worried, I boarded the plane. The second that wireless devices were permitted, I was checking the ol' Sprint Vision for the score. The first score to come across was UAB, as they were the away team. They only scored 20-something points in the second half, which set me up to be elated--UK shut them down and won by 20. Then UK's score came across, and, of course, they lost. I immediately began banging my head against the plastic airplane window, muttering (rather loudly) several swear words over and over. Needless to say, the guy next to me was freaked out and got out of his seat and into the isle, despite being about 20 rows of seats away from being able to walk off the plane. Reading Hunter's columns after moments like this brought back that sharp pain you felt, but then were oddly soothing. Knowing that someone out there, no matter how drug-crazed and delusional, were going through the same thing as you is always comforting. So, unless Kentucky wins the National Championship every year, I will be missing his comforting and completely insane rants. GA HILL

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Why we are awesome....

One of the things I feel that we're failing at with our blog is the lack of point/counter point. I'm not talking about ripping on each other, instead just hoping for some general conversation.

My vision is this. Just write down a reason that you're awesome. It doesn't have to be a good reason, just a general forum for discussion. I'll go ahead and get it started. Hopefully we'll find that I'm not the only one of us that is awesome.

I'm awesome because......

.....I've been pulled over by the cops in a cab. (npgage)

.....I was the key negotiator when it came to trading a signed Mark Prior baseball for a round of drinks and a 21 year old French Girls number (OC)

.....I am 25 years old, 2 years removed from college, and still bartending at a college bar. (GA Hill)

.....I once put "miniature golf" in a special training, skill or education on my resume and applied for jobs with it on there to test how many prospective employers would call back, and went a perfect three for three. (Pete)

The Chicago Fire of 2005

So there was some excitement on the north side last night. Around 630 p.m. as I was leaving for some dinner and a night of binge drinking fire trucks showed up because the building next to ours was on fire. Initially, I thought nothing of it, then it occurred to me that there is approximately 2 inches seperating our building and the one next door. Fortunately, the firefighters did an excellent job of putting out the blaze. But in the process they managed to kick in both of my doors, and knock several holes in the ceiling.

Lesson: Think about purchasing renters insurance.

Good news: Our DirecTV satellite on the roof was not impacted.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

So much to say.....

I'd like to begin by welcoming myself back. As a new firefox user I must say I'm happy, if for no other reason than it works.

If anyone is in the market for a gas station, I would recommend the 7-11 next to Wrigley Field. I just stopped by after I got tacos for lunch. Not only do they have 8 flavors of Slurpees and approximately 20 flavors of fountain soda.....they just added fountain Gatorade. They even have taquitos!!!!!

Tilt - TVs new hit drama on ESPN. I have a number of friends who keep saying the show is garbage because the poker scenes are not realistic. West Beverly was not like a real high school and I didn't watch the show because I was in high school. I watched it because I wanted to be Dylan. Same story, different verse with Tilt. To my friends I say get over yourself. I don't care if the poker hands are crap. Watch Tilt because the Matador is a cool guy and the its entertaining. . . and if you want to watch a sports show thats realistic. Go buy Arliss on DVD.

Why won't NBC release Scrubs seasons 1 and 2 on dvd?

If I told you the over under on my BAC for tonight (Saturday) was 0.18, where would the smart money be?

Editors Note on Sunday - The overs hit. It was slightly wind aided, more on this to come in an upcoming post entitled "The Fire of 2005."

Thursday, February 17, 2005

MTV in McCook??

Apparently not. According to www.cnn.com, MTV is doing some show centered around high school pranks. Some guy who is a sophomore at UNL and his buddies parked their car outside the principal's office. The principal declined to let MTV come because "it's not part of school life that we need to promote."

Now, we could get into the argument that the principal is too uptight, that MTV could bring some good exposure to Western Nebraska, the up/down sides to MTV doing shows like this, etc.

But, really, I think this is the point: that doesn't even sound like that funny of a prank. I mean, parking your car in front of his office? Wow, edgy!


Wednesday, February 16, 2005

You're right, David...

David Pinto, who runs a great baseball blog at www.baseballmusings.com, had this post on Sunday:

Spring Without the Stars
Despite the loss of Sammy Sosa by trade and Barry Bonds by injury,
ticket sales are ahead of last year in the Cactus League.
Reservations at Scottsdale's famed Don & Charlie's restaurant are "unbelievable," said co-owner Don Carson, whose walls are decorated with an array of baseball memorabilia.
"We accept reservations up to 30 days in advance, and we're getting calls at midnight," Carson said.
With all the teams so close together, taking a vacation to spend a week in Arizona during spring training sounds like a baseball fan's dream.

And he is damn right. And, as is our tradition, a group of friends (including npgage, The Man In Black, and Pete) will be traveling to Pheonix in just 22 days. It truly is a baseball fan's dream. No clouds, 65-80 degree weather, and baseball in its purest form. Being on a hot dog and beer-only diet, tailgating at 10 am despite knowing that a dirty dog and a Steveweiser may or may not make you puke, getting to watch guys playing their hearts out and hoping to make the team, getting to be five feet away from superstars, waving a Nebraska flag in center field and yelling at Darin Erstad to get a hat tip (which, of course, we got), being in a crowd of about 25 people getting to watch former Nebraska players play in A games, and even serving dirty dogs to single A players who are shagging home run balls in the parking lot.

At night, trying to act like we're 21 again--hitting up the Arizona State bars, acting like we're cool and "with it." When, in reality, we're just a bunch of baseball dorks who just spent over $400 to go watch a bunch of exhibition baseball games.

And I couldn't be more excited.

UPDATE: AD still on the air!

Thankfully, on Arrested Development's official website addresses the rumors going around, and points out that production has stopped on Season 2, as they have completed production. Not cancelled it.

They also say thank you to all the passionate e-mails they received--I do not think it is over the top to believe that our thousands of readers had a lot to do with this.

Hat tip to oily-bohunk for pointing this out--we appreciate the readership!

Friday, February 11, 2005

The guys love their juice

Who really cares that Sosa and McGwire loved syringes filled with juice. They're the ones with the pimply faces and really small testicles. They put on a good show.

I also don't think that McGwire needs to announce that he used or didn't use juicy-juice. It's like a cop pulling you over for drunken driving after you get home. You didn't see him do it. You didn't catch him in the act.

I will go as far to say that I think steroids in baseball is not only a good thing, but possibly a necessary thing. Imagine baseball circa 1994. Expos were good. Griff and Matty Williams were chasing Maris. Bud Selig vs. Donald Fehr in a death match where everyone loses. Insert steroids here. People don't like baseball, but they love the home run. Steroids equal more home runs. And small testicles. Anyone with a graduate degree in deductive reasoning can tell you that it only makes sense to hand out 'roids along with towels in the showers. Hell, I would hold clinics on how to properly inject them.

Question: Would you rather see the national pasttime crumble into the ranks of the NHL and the PBA or would you rather see baseball become a fun to watch arcade game?

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Only 6 Days...

until players start reporting to camp! And that means only 29 days until myself and most of the contributors on this board make our yearly trek to Mesa, AZ to watch the Cubbies get into game shape. With the excitment building, and my being home sick, I decided to throw in Forever Loyal: A Salute to the Cubs Fans and Their Field. After five minutes into it, I decided that I shouldn't be the only one that gets to enjoy this because I'm sick. So I decided to do a running diary (and no, I did not rip this off of Bill Simmons)...

00:31 Alright, Wrigleyville! And inside Wrigley, "it's more than just a ballpark--it's a business." Really? You mean I didn't just lose that $100 last time I was there?

01:10 Yes! Just over a minute into the documentary, and we've already got a Wayne Messmer sighting! For those of you who don't know, Wayne sings the National Anthem at almost every game--and has a beard that inspires all.

02:12 Tom Heldman, better known as "Odie" (and yes, the woman narrating said this like it was perfectly normal) is the clubhouse manager. Some highlights from his tour:

--The Cubs' weight room is, honest to God, smaller than the one at the old North Platte High School.
--They just got done serving breakfast--Raisin Bran! There's approximately 15 boxes of the stuff. The cornerstone of any all-world athlete's regimine.
--The shower is, shall we say, uncomfortably too small. Wow.
--The uniform room is priceless. It is the size of a walk-in closet, and there are boxes just lying around everywhere. Fantastic. There are also countless boxes of sunflower seeds, which he points out. He does not point out, however, how there are even more boxes with "Skoal" all over them. "This is where most people don't get to see..." Really? Because it is an absolute disaster?
--Showing us player lockers...oh my God! Matt Stairs and Ron Coomer were locker buddies! I wish I could make something this funny up! I guess it is appropriate--these two monsters hit 34 home runs for the Cubs in 2001--combined!

05:05 Jimmy Farrell, Umpire Clubhouse Manager, has been doing this for over 30 years. He serves the umps meals, plus applies Mississippi Mud to all the balls before the game to take the shine off and improve the grip. One can of this stuff is $40! And it is actually from Mississippi! Shouldn't we just get some mud from the field somewhere and save that money so we can sign some outfielders? Like, oh, I don't know, Matt Stairs?? Sidenote: one of the things I love about Wrigley is that a lot of the people who work there have been working there since they were kids. Like Jimmy here. He's been doing it forever. I think that is great.

07:05 Roger Baird, Head Groundskeeper. "I've been here since quarter 'till 6, and my guys got in about quarter 'till 7..." Geez, Roger, just throw "your guys" under the bus on a documentary, huh? You must be a great boss. Some more highlights:
--"[the grass] is all natural. But the striping pattern in my grass is BASICALLY done with the lawnmower." Huh. I always figured that our grass would do the checkerboard patter eventually, but it turns out we have to mow it that way. Dang.
--Only three people from Roger's staff take care of the entire scoreboard. And they still get the scores from other games from an old-fashioned TICKER. This documentary was done in 2001, so there is probably a good chance that they have a computer up there now, but I sure hope not.

09:30 They are explaining what the different flags on the scoreboard signify. Right now, they are going showing the team flags and explaining that they are in order of place in the respective division. Right now, they are showing the NL Central going in the following order:


These flags obviously do not show the overall records. But I am going to give a wild guess as to what those records were: Cubs (1-0), Brewers (1-0), Pirates (0-0), Cardinals (0-0), Reds (0-1), and the Astros (0-1). Or something to that effect.

OK, I will attempt to continue this post. However, I'm about to pass out. Enjoy the first part of this riveting documentary.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Arrested Development Online Petition

This takes literally two seconds of your time, FILL IT OUT!


Arrested Development Cancelled??

I was watching the Jimmy Kimmel show for the first time since the Sports Guy left (because comedian Todd Barry is on tonight). Well, his first guest is David Cross. Now, I realize he is a major smart ass, but he was saying that they stopped production on AD. Now, if this is true, it is totally unacceptable. AD is the best show on TV, by far. So rise up, people! I know that my "boycott Dish Network" ploy hasn't worked yet, but this is far more important. Contact info:

Gail BermanFox Broadcasting Entertainment PresidentFox Headquarters 10201 West Pico Blvd Los Angeles CA 90035.
Gail Berman, PresidentFox Broadcasting CompanyP.O. Box 900Beverly Hills, California90213
E-mail: gail.berman@fox.comExtension: 237626
Fox's Viewer Comment Hotline: 1-800-369-6848

This is serious, people, get after Fox! I mean, I know they are known for their amazing programming, and they'll probably replace it with something better like "Who's your midget simple life daddy!," but still, I would like AD to stay on the air!

Your preseason Nat'l Champs go for a sevenpeat

So I was looking at espn.com today, weird because it was a day and all, and lo and behold, the Texas Longhorns were the #2 rated team in the preseason college football Top 25 for 2005. This makes me feel like a Cub fan after the team just traded the Farns. And yes, that's really f-ing mad. Irrationally mad, like how I felt when certain Kentucky fans exercise prior restraint (the most vile form of censorship) and pull down my posts in the spirit of "reasonable debate." Although I truly do apologize for calling them dbags, I meant to take that out, I was worked up, please accept, I'm being sincere, sorry Mike.

Anyway, Texas has now officially been in the national title game six years in a row during the preseason. Let's compare that number, six, with the number of national title games played in, which is zero. Here's what it looks like:

National Championship games (preseason): six
National Championship games (actual): zero

Based on these results, it appears that Texas would be playing in a lot of national championships if not for the football season.

I see no reason why these trends shouldn't continue do to several reasons:

1. The fact that they have been in the Top 5 in recruiting since Burt Reynolds, Doak Walker and Stonewall Jackson's era (thus making them preternaturally overrated) .
2. Mack Brown is still prominently involved in decision making and exercises some control over the program.
3. The loss of their two best players, Ced (My mind is on one thing: winning football games) Benson, and Derrick Johnson.
4. Vince Young will still be asked to throw the ball, being a quarterback and all.
5. They still play Oklahoma.
6. The emergence of Paul's hat.

Texas officials, with the help of a certain political figure from Texas, will try hard to get the football season to end in July, but should come up unsuccessful due to the loss of advertising revenues and mafia ties to gambling. More on this later.

I'm at Half Mast

I always thought that the Chinese New Year was supposed to be a happy, joyous occasion. The welcoming of the year of the dragon, when it's good to have a chicken close to your skin. But alas, there can be no joy today, as this Chinese year will be marred with the sadness of the Kyle Farnsworth trade.

I just want to make a list of all the things I'll miss about the Farns. Feel free to add whatever you have to say, I know this is a traumatic time for us all.

1. The tightest pants in baseball. I swear they were painted on sometime, and they were always good for at least one joke per game, if not three or four. In fact, they were my favorite Cubs phenomenon since Alfonseco took his sixth finger out of town.

2. Hope for the future. Even though he consistently was awful, the Cubs always had their future closer. Now they appear to be set up with Joe "The Polish Shotgun" Borowski forever. My new hope for the future is that his unsigned jersey will remain framed and proudly hanging behind the bar at Tai's Til Four.

3. The heat. I mean seriously, he could throw really fast. Sure it may not have had movement, and it may have been right over the middle of the plate...but man was it fast.

4. The hoots and hollers from the drunken women at Wrigley. When A-Gonz got traded, most of the girls I knew made a fairly smooth transition into love for the Farns. Now who are they going to turn to? (Side note: One of my friends once called him sleazy and I loved it.)

5. Last year at family day, his baby's momma was strutting a lot of stuff on the field. While I was sad I went two hours early and didn't get to enjoy batting practice, she helped make me feel a little bit better.

6. The shell necklace that reminded me of being 19 and on spring break again.

7. The tackle.

But most of all, I just miss the Farns.



I was only able to see The Farns once in action and that was Friday Aug 27, against a charging Houston Astros. Score was 9-6 going into the ninth, where Farns got the nod. . .and I wish I was kidding his line that day was one complete inning where he gave up six runs, on six hits, all of them earned.
And while walking off the field Kyle best pitch of the day was him throwing his glove into the seats.

One thing: his wife was smoking hot. That mormon boy dun gooooood.


We'll need to get confirmation on this, but as far as I know that is not his "wife." I don't believe he's made an honest woman of her.

And earlier I was trying to leave religion out of the post, but yes the Farns is my favorite Morman ball player.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Slack-jawed yokels

Sorry for the negative rant there, dear reader. Our friend Pete forgot that this blog is not somewhere to just spout off about other people's passions for no apparent reason. It is a place for resonable debate, not being mad and calling a pretty big group of people "dbags" because of their dislike for someone who almost ruined their program. Thanks.

Don't worry.....

it's just the hangover.

I know that we spent most of last week building up a loyal fan base, and have not kept the head of steam rolling with the blog. But fear not, everyone is still recovering from a long weekend, topped off by a drunken Sunday.

It really takes it out of a person.

Saturday, February 05, 2005


Just got off the phone with Dish Network and a supervisor. Despite the fact that ESPN Full Court offers single-day (http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/fullcourt/schedule?fullList=1) purchases for $14.95, my awesome (read: bitch) representative (who was a SUPERVISOR) informed me that ESPN is not my satellite provider, Dish Network is. No shit? I didn't think we sent our $80 a month to ESPN, but I sure wish we did.

I tried to point out to her that ESPN Full Court offers a service, I should be able to get it. Again, she pointed out that ESPN is not our service provider. At this point, my head is getting ready to explode. Literally. After going rounds with the world's all-time worst customer service supervisor, I inform her that we will be switching to Time-Warner (which rules, by the way). And her response?


Unbelievable. Throwing out the "switching carriers" card with most SANE companies usually, at the very least, gets you a APOLOGY. With Dish Network, you get a hang up. A HANG UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My head hurts. So I'm taking it to the streets: boycott Dish Network! And when I say "taking it to the streets," I mean "typing an angry post on my blog and forgetting about it." But whatever. DON'T ORDER ANYTHING FROM DISH NETWORK--I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH, MY DEAR READERS.

On a side note, I would like to mention this: personal mushy stuff is not going to be something that is a regular item on my posts. That being said, I've got to give a shout out to the GF--after telling her the story from above, she says "why don't we go to a sports bar and watch Kentucky play today?" I am going to type this question again, separated from the rest of the paragraph, so you can really get the depth of this seemingly simple question.

"Why don't we go to a sports bar and watch Kentucky play today."

And this statement came out of not only a girl's mouth, buy my girlfriend's mouth. Take note the selflessness, thoughtfullness, and the seeming genuine concern in her voice. I am a lucky man.

You can't say it is suprising...

Street & Smith came out with a special edition: 100 Greatest College Basketball Programs of All Time. Here are the Top 5:

5. Duke
4. Kansas
3. North Carolina

And I'll give you one wild guess who number 1 was. You guessed right! It is...


It is interesting how they did it--they gave values to several different categories--NCAA Tourney Appearances, NCAA Tourney Wins, Final Fours, NCAA Finals, National Championships, NIT Championships, Conference Championships, Conference Tourney Champs, All-Time Winning %, Graduation Rate, NCAA Infractions, and 1st Round NBA Draft Picks. Kentucky's final score was 2024.54. UCLA, number 2, had a score of 1711.20. So, after you guessed UK was the answer to my riddle above, I know that you followed that answer in your head with a phrase somewhere along the lines of "it is Kentucky, and it is not even close." Well, you were right with that part as well, dear reader! Bonus ball for you!

Personally, while it is nice to have it statistically proven, I don't need some score to tell me UK is the greatest program of all time, I already knew this. I do know a lot of people who do not believe this, but now they know.

Speaking of Kentucky, we've got a road game at Vanderbilt today. Despite getting rocked in poker last night, I am still finding the $15 needed to get this game on pay-per-view. UK is starting to look real good--underclassmen dominate the overall minutes played for this team, and they are really starting to come on. Granted the SEC is down this year, but there is just no way that this young a team should only have 2 losses. But that brings us to another non-suprise: Tubby Smith is the coach. Did you expect anything else? OF COURSE they're kicking arse, he's the best coach in the country (now that is debatable, but he is HANDS DOWN the best defensive coach in the country).

Game prediction: Vandy is not an easy place to play. Who cares. UK by 10.

Friday, February 04, 2005

It is Friday afternoon...

And I'm guessing you're bored. So, the good people of Heavy Soul decided to give you something to do. We'll update it for you as the afternoon progresses. Here you go:

http://www.electrotank.com/playGame.electro?gId=119 - Some mean video Mini-Golf.

http://www.awesome.i12.com/action_games.htm - Awesome action games!

http://www.yetisports.org/ - For those who haven't played it yet (also known as people who don't read HuskersIllustrated.com), this is one of the more entertaining games you'll come across (registration required).

That's it for now, because I think I am basically done with work for now. You guys are on your own.

Selling out Already?

Basically, the question is whether or not we should add the Google Adsense to our blog. I can go either way on this, so I think I'll add a list of pros and cons, and I would love to hear some feedback on other peoples thoughts.

A quick explanation of the program as I understand it. Google places ads on our blog, pays us money for traffic and helps redirect people to our site.

- We could make a lot of money, b/c Google might not realize that our 100 daily hits are just 10 people checking 10 times each.

- The more people that read things, the better.

- Would this make it easier to google our blog?

- Is this the equivalent of having Clear Channel help us get our single played on the radio. While we of course desire to be a big, powerful, popular blog. I'm not sure that I want to do it that way.....I hate Clear Channel.

- I would've thought we could last longer than one week before selling out.

- I remember when we were just doing this for our fans, now we're considering doing it to achieve fabulous wealth.

If anybody has any experiences or comments regarding this, I would love to hear them.

A Haiku....

Sandhills Employee:
Get back to work in white shirt,
Or just read the web.

Delta off double-secret probation...

A great movie character died (well, I guess not the movie character, the person playing him) today. John Vernon, the actor who played Dean Wormer in Animal House, died in his sleep due to complications from heart surgery.

That's what the press is saying. I contend that he died because of those crazy Deltas.


Thursday, February 03, 2005

Canada Speaks: “No Hockey, No Biggie.”

After months of speculation of what the hell they’re going to do, Canada finally decides to take action. This week, Canadian Basketball announced their 2005 class of Hall of Fame Inductees. Now you’re probably thinking: “Canada…Basketball…What?” Oh yes, those hosers play basketball too, just ask the Phoenix Suns (Steve Nash – Future Canadian HOF inductee.)

So you’re probably asking yourself: “After Steve Nash, name another basketball player from Canada” Well I can name two, now anyway: Gerald Kazanowski and Bill Wennington, two of the greatest Canuck Ballers of all time. Kazonowski, a 6’9” center, or centre (Canadian) was a 7th round draft pick in by the Utah Jazz in 1983, but never made it in the association. Instead, G-Money (Gerald) became an international journeymen player, with duties in Spain, Sweden, Finland, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Argentina and Mexico. Does this merit HOF status? Apparently in Canada.

Though you’ve probably never heard of Kazonowski, Wennington on the other hand, you might remember, not as being Canadian, but as being one of the slow white guys on the Chicago Bulls Dynasty from 1996-98. Most of us didn’t know he was Canadian though, how would we? Not like many of us remember the credentials of a guy that played back up to Luc Longley (1st Ballot Inductee, Australia HOF). Wennington will be remembered most for the two times he successfully threw down dunks after missed shots, what an animal he was. I’m not exactly sure what the credentials are to become a member of the Canadian B-Ball HOF, but it looks as though a career average of 4.6 Points & 3 Rebounds per game makes you a lock.

So Canada, nice try, but it looks as though you should go back to Curling.

Wennington’s Career Stat line:

Career 720 13.5 .459 3.00 .6 .34 .61 2.3 4.6


UPDATE: Sambuca, you know as well as I know that stats don't tell the whole story. The guy was a defensive hound--that guy had six fouls to use each game, and by God, he used them. Also, your stat line failed to include the most important one: THREE NBA WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS! To read what Bill has been up to lately, plus some totally rad pictures of him dunking on fools, go to:


GA Hill

Fried turkey legs and gravy

My buddy Pete and I have this really great idea. And I swear to the ever-loving God above that if anyone capitalizes on this idea, I will track you down and take a bite out of your trachea.

A fast food joint that sells only fried turkey legs and designer gravies. We will also serve fountain drinks, and assorted side dishes.

Now I've kind of taken the role as lead gravy designer. I truly believe that there is a gravy for every occasion. Barbecue gravy is really just Manwich mix. We would have Italian gravy that would probably just be some Ragu or something. Also Alfredo gravy. But don't forget dessert gravies though. Cherry pie filling minus the cherries. Chocolate gravy.

Oh yeah, we would also serve biscuits and other baked pastry items with which you could dip into the delicious gravies, or perhaps, even have the pastries filled with them.

I purposely played down this idea, so that none of you would really think it rules. But if you do, and you should, just remember the part at the top of this post about all of the trachea biting.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Why do men have nipples?

Seriously. Why do men have nipples? I know we would look funny without them, but no more odd than if women had three breasts. Which, in fact, they should. They produce no milk. I don't even think we have mammary glands with which to produce milk. However, in high school, my buddy Booger could miraculously entice some freakish cloudy liquid out of his man nipple.

Much to the contradiction of the medical profession, I contend that nipples are placed on our little fetal chests way before our mommy and daddy parts (vaginas and penises). It only makes sense.

Or, could it be that in our evolutionary past, men nursed our young? Or even weirder, what if we were asexual?

(cue Twighlight Music theme now)

Who are these a-holes?

Simmons is right. There should be absolutely no reason why Jacksonville should be hosting a Super Bowl this year. That place shouldn't even have a AA Minor League Baseball team. Word is next year it's a coinflip between Erie, PA and Sheyboygan, Wis. If not they can always go to Boise.

What are these pompous dbags doing releasing two separate albums on the same day. Back in the golden days of 70's rock extravagance, no one had the balls to do this. Supertramp is shaking their fingers at Bright Eyes and Nelly right now. Oberst is my main target here. Go ahead and play the role of tiny little tortured indie rocker and then do something that I'm pretty sure neither Kiss nor Iron Maiden ever attempted. Mind boggling.

Is there any particular reason the Cubs decided to dump Sosa, still pay most of his salary and then sign the more overweight, less steriod using, more Caucasian version of Sammy Sosa. I wish the next time the Cubs decide to blow millions of dollars I can at least get a lap dance out of it.

The Game, Dr Dre and "Fiddy's" newest disciple, is just adding to the doc's legacy with his dope rhymes over the best beats in the industry.

I believe that Axl, Slash, Izzy, Duff, and Matt are applauding my little waifish friend. Or at least doing a couple of lines for him. I applaud the audacity. If you want to make one album sound better, just release a companion album. Like milk and gin, guy.

--The Man in Black

A return to form

In college, I was the Ambassador of Fun. Part undersecretary of State, part raging alcoholic. Duties included walking uninvited into neighbors' houses trying to bring my message to the people.

Greatest time of my life. A possibly insurmountable time of prosperity. Once I graduated, I thought my run was over. No longer am I balls deep in opportunities for bumping uglies. My boss finds it neither funny nor amusing when I take "snow days" in April. Having to open in the morning no longer guarantees having a boozederful night.

I may have a little Ambassador left in me. It was yearning to come out. This weekend it did. Not unlike my college days, my binge began Friday afternoon and ended up walking uninvited into a new neighbor's house. Man, did they love me. They gave me a couple of drinks and let me have as many little sugar crusted cherry-flavored hearts that are really popular around Valentine's Day as I wanted. I woke up at about noon-thirty and was ready to go again.

Round two began with a 7:05 hockey game and I should have known that by three beers downed in the first period that I was in for a great night. After the game, we wandered down to the usual watering hole where not one of my friends has ever been laid. We had to fight on. We had to be adventurous. We had to be ambassadors. We moved to other bars and no diplomats were to be found.

One last bar. Knew people there. Promising. Open chair at a table. Very promising, until I overhear the table behind me verbally notice that I resembled double-murderer Scott Peterson. Short story long--Aunt Sally is cool, has gorgeous 27-year-old niece, and I buy a round of shots. Niece has a boyfriend whom she apparently is not infatuated with. I have an erection that I hope she was infatuated with. She leaves, Aunt Sally takes my roommate and I across the river. We show them how to have after-hours and then they graciously take us home.

Moral of the story--when one has developed and honed a God-given ability to be a booze diplomat, that skill cannot be lost. It can be buried under the stress of a 40-hour week or car payments and the like, but it will never be lost.

Blue Raspberry

According to the Jolly Rancher packaging Blue Raspberry was one of the original flavors five flavors. . .this is news to me, but none the less they are delicious.

This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things...

and his name is Scott Boras. There are a lot things in this world I really don't like, but not too many that I absolutely hate. But Scott Boras, now there's a guy I really hate. Currently, he has a client named Magglio Ordonez who, over the offseason, had TWO knee surgeries. One he had in Europe, so people wouldn't be able to find out what the problem is with his knee! Now, despite not working out the entire offseason and Boras refusing to let him work out for teams, the Detroit Tigers have offered him what is believed to be a 5-year, $55-$75 MILLION contract. $11-15 million a year for 5 years? For a guy that might not even be ready for Opening Day? For a guy that is a walking injury liability for the rest of his career? No thanks.

But here is the part that is really bad--talks with the Tigers have hit a "snag" because Boras will only accept a SEVEN YEAR DEAL. A SEVEN YEAR DEAL. Nomar Garciaparra had trouble with his ankle and wrist last year, played the majority of games, hit over .300, and got a 1-year, $6 million contract. He realized that he has a lot to prove this season, and was willing to do a one-year deal to do so. In Maggs, you've got a guy that may or may not even play the first month of the season, and could be hampered the rest of his career. And Boras has the nerve to act insulted with a 5-year deal. He should be kissing the collective feet of the Tigers. I do realize that this is not suprising in the slightest, but it does not mean that fans shouldn't be furious about it--in particular Tigers fans.

I hope this is all incorrect, and he accepts the reported (very generous) offer the Cubs made for 2 years. But, I highly doubt it. Here is the story out of Detroit:


Catching up on the DVR...

And yes, it really bums me out that I cannot honestly say "catching up on TiVo."

Anyways, a new Scrubs was on tonight. And, as usual, it was fantastic. Some classic Dr. Cox vs. Dr. Kelso vs. The Janitor moments. Although, and it pains me to say this, but is the Cox character becoming forced? I hope not. He is one of the funniest TV characters to come along in a long time. JD falls for a new girl in this one, who happens to be dating a former college basketball player who has ghonneriah. I love this show. Please name one other show that would even think of things like this. I'll give you 30 seconds. You know what? I'll give you a couple of days. Because it isn't going to happen. Also, JD's love interest is just SMOKING. Good God, y'all. If I can ever get this picture software to download, I will have one up right away.

Guilty Please Alert! Guilty Pleasure Alert! Also caught up on this week's Las Vegas. I'm sorry, but there just isn't a better/worse show on television right now. I mean, impossibly beautiful people running around using the world's most advanced security technology to make sure Vegas keeps being Vegas. Kidnappings, card counters, bribes, murder--you name it, pal! And we're going to look good doing it! Plus, there are always the humorous (read: really annoying) side stories going on. Monday's featured Jon Lovitz. I loved the guy on SNL, but come on--how long has this guy been circling the drain? Come on, Las Vegas! Show me something new! What's that? Having the last joke of the show be how the really religious guy who complains that his room has a view of the pool that they hired a bunch of girls to walk around topless ends up hooking up with one of them in a bathroom on the casino floor? Now that's what I'm talking about, Las Vegas! Edgy humor!

Lastly, caught some King of Queens. Now, I always wrote this off as a typical CBS sitcom: really bad. However, I was forced to watch it a week or two ago, and the first thing I noticed in the opening credits was that Nick Bakay is the lead writer. For those of you who aren't familiar with Nick, he (used to) appear every week during football season on SportsCenter, as well as having a running "Tale of the Tape" column in ESPN The Magazine (side note: isn't it great how ESPN markets their products like Yogurt did in Spaceballs? You know, Spaceballs: The T-Shirt, Spaceballs: The Toliet Paper, Spaceballs: The Flamethrower? Love it.). And I have got to say, it is a really quality show. The characters are, suprisingly, really easy to relate to. And it is just really funny. Jerry Stiller is fantastic, of course. However, he plays a more normal person--not the over the top Costanza he played on Seinfeld. But the thing I really enjoy is the qualities that made (although not to me) Roseanne popular: everyday problems that most people face everyday. Like getting your credit card denied at the store because your significant other maxed out all your cards at various Indian casinos. You know, everyday stuff.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Can You Really Ever Change, Part Duex

It really is a soul-searching, philisophical conundrum, isn't it?

I have ran into my own version of this question lately. I have been studying for the LSAT lately. OK, I have been kind of studying for the LSAT. And it has been just like college: I ace one section of one part of one practice test, and I tell myself that I'm ready. The next day I'll convince myself that I am probably not ready, so I'll take another crack at it. And when I do screw up, I'll read the reasoning to the correct answer, convince myself that I understand it now, and find something else to do.

Because of this logic, I am forced to do better on the LSAT than most people that apply for law school (meaning I had a good GPA in college, but not as good as most applying). Yet, even after having a 2 YEAR BREAK from studying, I cannot sit down and just get all balled up in it. Granted, this time around I am being much more honest with myself and spending more time studying this material than I would have had I taken it the spring after I graduated, but really, it is all the same, you know?

Now, because I know all my loyal readers will feel deeply concerned with my progress, I'll keep you updated. However, npgage is coming to town tomorrow, and I just have this nagging suspicion that I won't get too much studying done. Oh, then there's the Super Bowl on Sunday. Crap. That's another problem I had in college--find any excuse to put off studying. Now, npgage doesn't make it to town too often, so it is a bit more than just an excuse, but, again, it is all the same.

Oh well, this weekend is going to kick a lot more ass than studying. And so it goes.

Am I delusional....

.....or is it the Spyware.

I would like to apologize to everyone for logging into the Blog from the home computer, which of course means my username and password are now in the public domain.

But speaking of the public domain, I would just like to take a moment to explain why this Blog is taking my personal world by storm. I spend a decent portion of every day typing e-mail, and my new dream is that they'll help make the world a better place. Or the technology watch dog at work will notice that I'm sending fewer e-mails at work, because I'm focusing at least a little bit of my incoherent rambling here.

And speaking of incoherent rambling, I'd like to return to the subject of Spyware. I feel that Party Poker should never send me a popup, b/c I'm on Party Poker right now. Seriously, I don't need this, I have enough problems of my own.

And speaking of my problems, they're for another day, with the exception of one that will hopefully allow you to have a little glimpse inside my soul. I watch The O.C. and enjoy it. In a macho world I would claim it was for the rockin' Indie Music, but I've got to admit -- The dialog is just so quirky and witty.

And speaking of quirky and witty, you'll have to wait for that for another day, for another poster, but hopefully not another blog.

Can you ever really change?

I guess this philosophical question has come to me recently. After several years of being lazy, and gaining weight, I decided to make a positive life change. I joined the local fitness club. I've been talking about joining for over a year, but I decided to actually do something, as opposed to my preferred method of just talking about it.

The result: I broke my collarbone two days later and haven't been back since.

So what's the lesson in all of this? I have no idea. Be careful while skiing?

So in the Heavy Soul, Heavy Thoughts section, what do you think. Can I impact my life in a positive way, or am I destined to be fat and lazy forever?

Fraternity (Open Rush) LOI Day Approaching Soon...

As most of you probably know, February 2nd, 2005 is the beginning of new hopes, dreams, and promises for College Football Fans across America. But what many of you might not know, Letter of Intent (LOI) Day doesn't just happen in College Football, it also happens in the Collegiate Greek System.

February 5th marks the annual second semester finale of Open Rush at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Such powerhouse Fraternities such as Sigma Nu, Triangle, Chi Phi, Acacia and Phi Delt will compete to sign some of the best second semester freshman (that missed out on real rush) available.

Four Star Open Rush recruit, Bobby Johnson, had the following comments about the big LOI day approaching:
"I've narrowed it down to 2 frats...oh, you wanna know which 2 they are...I guess I'll tell you. I really like Acacia and Chi Phi, I just felt really comfortable around those guys."

What will be your deciding factor between the two?

"Well, I don't know. It's just going to be a gut feeling. You know, it's hard being a four star recruit in open rush, especially when I'm being rushed by a bunch of 1 & 2 star Recruitment Chairs. But in the end, I really like acacia's sand volleyball action, sometimes they even have co-ed nights, that's right, the girls come play with them too."

Open Rush has turned out to be a great source of recruitment for Fraternities like Sigma Nu. Current Sigma Nu member, Heath Berg, just loves everything about it.

"Yeah, Open Rush is sweet, I can't wait for LOI day. We're having this totally rad party in our basement. My brother usually gets all the hot chicks, but this one girl, she decided to go with me instead. I can't wait, we built this really fast slide that goes down our stairs into the basement. We even got Applebee's to cater it for us, the girls are so stoked."

But Open Rush hasn't been all cake and ice cream for some recruits. 2-Star recruit, Kyle Klemme, out of Murdock, NE explains why his experience was somewhat tarnished.

"Well, I went on an Official Visit to Pike this weekend. But there was only one problem, those wankers don't even have a house."

"They were all talking about how the brotherhood was 'through the roof' and how their parties 'rocked the floors.' But then I started thinking to myself, "those bastards are lying to me, they don't even have a fricken house. How can their brotherhood go through the roof and their parties rock the floors?"

"I just feel so confused & deceived. Then they asked me to come hang out up on Harper 6. I was like: "Harper 6, are you serious? That place sucks. Why don't you losers come up to Abel 13, we'll show you a good time."

Look out Lincoln. Open Rush Shenanigans will soon come to a close, as LOI day is fastly approaching. Beware of the UNL party patrol, there would be nothing worse for a new Open Rush Signee then getting ticketed for DIP (Dork In Public) on their huge day. Everyone's invited to the Open Recruitment Reception, held at Woody's, followed by a dance contest at the Chatterbox.

UPDATE: Names are totally fictional; if people of the same name do exist, it is totally coincidental. TOTALLY. But the fact that PIKE doesn't have a house at UNL is totally true. And it is really lame. GA Hill

Hingis Comeback Only Temporary...

An unexpected comeback to the tennis world from Former #1 Martina Hingis now seems unlikely. I know what you're all thinking; this is a sad day. You may remember Hingis from her days of yesteryear, the teen phenom, #1 in the world at the age of 16. Oh, and don't forget her graceful movements around the court with one of the best 'Grunts' in all of tennis. Martina's passion for the game was defined every time she hit the ball, simultaneously climaxing with every swing.

Now you say that Exhibitions are how you'll grace us with your presence. Okay, I can handle that, but please, I mean PLEASE, could you do a reunion tour with former doubles partner, Anna K? It's rumored that she has some free time on her hands too.

The world of Womens Tennis will never be the same, we'll just have to move forward with Sharapova and all those other hot Russian babes. So Martina, or Shmoopy (which you might remember from that wild night in the French Riviera), you'll be missed.


UPDATE: Sorry, but who is Anna K?? GA Hill

Anna Kournikova, the greatest female Tennis player to never win a singles tournament.

I just threw up in my mouth..

According to the Chicago Sun-Times today:

"The Associated Press reported late Monday that the Cubs were nearing a one-year agreement with (Jeromy) Burnitz with a mutual option for 2006."

Now, I am happy that Sosa isn't on this team, regardless of who takes his place. That being said, do we really need to replace a guy who refuses to do anything but try to hit home runs (mainly resulting in K's) with a guy who refuses to do anything but try to hit home runs?

I have an almost unconditional faith in Jim Hendry, but you're making me a bit nervous, OK buddy? Can you just not do this? That would be great....

College Term Papers And Research Papers
Term Papers

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?