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Friday, February 29, 2008

The GA Hill Sports Curse Continues...

Just when Kentucky moved up to #54 in RPI, sitting at 11-3 in the SEC (side note: no BCS conference school with a conference record that good has EVER been left out of the tournament), and is making the most improbable move into an At-Large Tourney bid, I see this headline staring me in the face on ESPN.com (not to mention an exasperated e-mail waiting from my dad):

"Kentucky phenom Patterson out rest of season"

Talk about life not being fair: this kid came to help resurrect the program, worked his ass off, plays harder than just about anyone in the country, never ever bitches about anything (which he easily could have during the disastrous beginning of the season), says over and over that he is going to stay in college until he graduates (despite already being projected as a Top 20 pick THIS year), finally sees this team get over the hump and is among the leaders responsible for making them one of the best teams in the SEC...then gets a stress fracture two days before the biggest game of the year at Knoxville.


Here's to wishing a speedy recovery for "P-Patt," and a sincere thanks for being the only thing that consistently made me (and all Kentucky fans) believe that this season could be turned around, even in the bleakest of times. What a bummer.

And with that, for the first time since I can remember, I suddenly don't care about March Madness anymore. Could Kentucky still get there? Yes, finishing out the season 2-1 (the loss being Sunday at Tennessee) and probably winning their opening-round SEC tourney game. But without Patterson, that looks pretty bleak, even with a favorable schedule.

This is an absolute Level 5 Stomach Punch. That's it, Sports Gods. You got me. I give up.

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Thursday, February 28, 2008

Heavy Soul Opening Day 2008: It's SpecTABular

OC eluded to it below, but here's the official notice:

WHO: Baseball fans of Omaha

WHEN: March 31st

TIME: 1:00 pm - ???

WHERE: Barrett's Barleycorn, 4322 Leavenworth

WHY?: Because we need participants to help break 2006's tab record of over $700. And because baseball kicks ass--you miss it, we miss it, everybody misses it. And it's a maniday (that's a "man holiday" if you don't know).

We've got the basement of Barrett's rented out. Tiger's got a bunch of coolers that will be full of bottles and ice. Apps. Phillies. Darts. The whole she-bang-a-bang. Not to mention limited-edition Heavy Soul t-shirts (design to come in the next week or two, but they will be team-specific).

So let your bosses know that you're going to need a half day on that Monday, and a full day on Tuesday.

See you then!

-GA Hill and Pete

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The Good Times Maybe Killing Me

Gentleman March 20 – April 10 maybe turn out to be my finest 21 days of sports, and I am sorry I need to share my story. The timeline first.

March 20th and 22nd At the Quest Center Omaha for the opening two rounds of March Madness.

March 24th to 27th Tempe Arizona for a day of meetings and two days of baseball (this trip has not been officially scheduled but there is a 75% chance)

March 31st Barrett’s Opening Day and $700.00 bar tabs.

April 10th I will be attending the opening round of The Masters in a Corporate Suite on Amen Corner.
** Bonus event not counted in the 21 day run Spring Game 2008 when Passion Comes back to Memorial Stadium.

I really do not have much more to say other than I am glowing just looking at my calendar, and I have tomorrow off to recover from the black out drunk I get while watching Gaelic Storm at The Slowdown. If anyone wants to go to the show tonight, myself and other degenerate Irishmen are renting a drunk bus as transportation for this evening.

The Baddest Man On The Planet?

If he wins on Saturday, he is. UFC 82 takes place in Columbus, OH, facing Anderson Silva, the current UFC Middleweight Champion, Vs. Dan Henderson. If you haven’t watched Silva fight, you need to. He is the most frighteningly accurate striker I have ever seen. Elbows, knees, kicks, and punches, whatever Silva throws lands and lands with devastating force. Click Here if you need visual proof. The man he is fighting is the last guy standing in Silva’s way to becoming the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world. Henderson is a 3 time collegian wrestling champion, a two time US Olympian and held the Pride Middleweight and Welterweight belts at the same time. In his last fight Henderson took the current 205 lb. UFC champion Rampage Jackson five rounds losing a decision. Now, fighting 20 pounds lighter at his more comfortable weight, he takes on the real life Bruce Lee. If you still don’t watch UFC, Saturday will be an exciting time to start.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The New York Times Loves Nebraska

...and people love the stories.

Right now, a feature the NY Times did on a recent speaking event for Bo Pelini/Tom Osborne out in Grand Island is the Time's most e-mailed sports story. And they even did another audio slide show, their second Nebraska-themed since November (we linked the one on Nebraska polka here). Good stuff.

Check it out.

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Jim Rose: Still Crazy

Just in case everyone was wondering how ol' Jim Rose was since his, *ahem*, episode towards the end of the football season.

For anyone that happened to be listening to the "Good Morning Show" on 1110 KFAB (which I am guessing is...absolutely none of you, because old people and myself listen to it, and the levels of insanity that come through your speakers during it deserves it's own post), you would have heard "Rosey" do his sports segment around 8:15 am. After he brought up the topic of the College World Series stadium debate (by the way, Heavy Soul is going to tackle this issue soon), he said the following:

"If we somehow lose the College World Series over a slab of concrete (Ed. Note: ????), someone deserves to be shot."

After the main host of the program mentioned "you probably don't mean 'shot,'" Rose responded:

"Well, shot might be strong. Let's just say they don't deserve to see another tomorrow."

I...I...I just....I mean, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? How is he still allowed public airwaves to speak onto (into?)?

"Oooohhhhhhhhh, Adrian Fiala! I'm going the distance! I'm running for glory! I'm fucking crazy! Touchdoooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwnnn, insanity!"

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Monday, February 25, 2008

Heavy Soul Recommends..

This site. Just go there and look around. You'll be exceedingly happy you did.

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Sunday, February 24, 2008

To Settle A Discussion From Last Night...

So Hales and I (special shout to MIB and Deuce, they were there, just not during the discussion) were trying to figure out when the last time Nebraska basketball beat two ranked opponents in a week (a feat they accomplished after beating Texas A&M Saturday 65-59).

Hales and I both figured there was a good chance that the last time this feat was accomplished, FDR was still in the White House. However--and for whatever reason, this is no longer in the story linked above, although it was this morning--it was just 9 years ago the last time this happened. It was the same year, 1999, the last time Nebrasketball beat a ranked opponent in a true road game (at #24 Kansas in 1999).

All in all, a great week for Nebraska. A once-in-a-decade performance from the basketball team (although I firmly believe this will be a common occurance as long as Doc is around), and a nice start for the baseball team. Hell, the baseball season starting is good enough reason to be excited, let alone seeing G.I. Johnny Dorn throw a hell of a game against Stanford Saturday night.

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Saturday, February 23, 2008

The Bars Will Be Safe...

...as Nebraska passes smoking ban. I couldn't be happier about this.

And yes, GA, just like health inspections, zoning, building inspections, etc, the government is telling you what you can do with your private business. And saving people from secondhand smoke, which kills you.

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Friday, February 22, 2008

Another "I'm glad I'm not the only one who notices this" moment

Here's a good Friday video for you, from The Onion:

"Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters"

Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

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Spring is here

well sort of...

Today is the opening day for Husker baseball. Doubleheader today at Stanford with single games tomorrow and Sunday, a split would be a great start...but frankily I'm thinking we only get 1. Expectations are low this year for the first time entering a season since probably about 1998. This will be the most inexperienced team Anderson has ever had, we'll see what happens.

Here's the starting pitchers for the weekend: Thad Weber, GI Johnny Dorn, Dan Jennings, and an Arizona State transfer that i would have to look up to know how to spell. Excited yet???? Pitching is a very large unknown.

Offense is a little better and little more experienced. We will have more speed this year but not a lot of pop. Craig Corriston will move from 3rd to 1st this year but has to sit out the first 6 games of the year for the whole Scheel's incident, i look for him to have a big year. Opitz, Mort, and Tezak all return in the infield as well and Abeita is back behind the plate. DJ Belfonte (probably our best player) will be back in the outfield and in the leadoff spot. Bryce Nimmo is also back in center.

That's a brief run down but expectations are definitely lower this year...on the bright side this years radio package includes EVERY game for the first time ever. Just making the NCAA tourney would be a good accomplishment for this years team.

Let the tailgating begin....

Thursday, February 21, 2008

I will take War Pass and Pyro, Boxed for $16

The Pete Party is in the works, so for those of you outside of the greater Omaha area try and visit the Good Life on May 3rd.

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Holy F@#$!!!

Just saw this guy on Conan and if have any smarts you will watch this!!!


Tuesday, February 19, 2008

State of the Union: Jon Bruning

Note: This is part two of a yet-to-be determined number of articles in which I take something that I formerly had an opinion of but hadn't thought about in awhile, and analyze.

On the heels of Sambuca's Taco John's post, and my comment, reminded me of what I saw today over at my friends The New Nebraska Network. I have nothing personal against Jon Bruning, by all accounts he is a nice enough guy.

When I first heard of Jon Bruning, I was scared. Not in like a Don Stenberg this guy is really evil kind of scared, but in a holy shit he's kind of charming to Nebraskans but clearly has sinister motives kind of scared. Like the fear of a used car salesman compared to Michael Myers from Halloween.

I knew that he would eventually become Attorney General, and then either Governor or Senator. While his Senate bill was temporarily derailed by Mike Johanns, I don't feel like either is impossible yet. He is articulate (for a white guy), comes across well in person, and is a fantastic shyster and schmoozer among politico-types in this state. As a Democrat, he is an intimidating guy, the kind of guy that makes me think it will be 40 years before a Democrat gets a Senate, Governor, or Congressional seat in Nebraska. He's slick but comes across like your neighbor. These are not insults, I'm genuinely impressed by this.

However, politically he is a total hack who will literally do or say anything to get elected and seems to only be concerned with his own image and popularity. I cannot recall of anything he has done as an attorney general that has not been for publicity (the case of the marriage in Kansas with the teenagers) , his own cult of personality (beating his own drum during the North Platte gas station price gouging), or to improve his chances at being elected to a more important office someday (too many examples to list here, I will throw out his extensive anti-same sex litigation).

Anyway, that brings us back to what I saw today over at New Nebraska, which is the following two nuggets:

Attorney General Jon Bruning today announced that he will file a motion to reconsider this morning's Nebraska Supreme Court ruling. In the ruling, the court says electrocution is cruel and unusual punishment under Nebraska's constitution.
"I'm surprised and disappointed with the ruling and think the court is mistaken," said Bruning. "I think the decision is incorrect as a matter of law, and we intend to ask the court to reconsider it."
The court's ruling strikes down the state's only method of execution. The decision was made in the case of child killer Raymond Mata of Scottsbluff.
"Nebraskans overwhelmingly support the death penalty and justice demands our state has a constitutional method of execution," Bruning said.

Proving once again that he is probably the most astute politician in Nebraska history, Ernie Chambers is all over this one:

Sen. Ernie Chambers finds Attorney General John Bruning's filing today for another hearing on the Nebraska Supreme Court's ruling on the electric chair interesting in light of past testimony by Bruning when he was a state senator....
[Chambers] detailed statements Bruning made in testimony to the Judiciary Committee when he introduced a lethal injection bill in 2001. That testimony contradicted statements he made Feb. 8....
[According to Chambers, Bruning said in his] 2001 testimony...states are moving away from electrocution to lethal injection. "I believe ultimately that will result in Nebraska's penalty being declared unconstitutional," Bruning said.
"How can the Attorney General claim surprise when what he predicted in 2001 came to pass in 2008," Chambers asked in the brief.
He also quoted testimony in which Bruning said he believes the electric chair to be cruel and unusual punishment, but continued to support the death penalty.
"I believe personally," Bruning said, "it is cruel and unusual. And it is unnecessary and we can move to lethal injection to cure that problem."

Count me among those who feel that it is absolutely ludicrous to be using the electric chair by now (except for that bastard at Taco John's). I'm not convinced that it is any better than the firing squad, which I believe can still be used in Utah. I'm of the opinion that the fewer things we have in common with Utah, the better. Anyway, I don't really want to turn this into a discussion of capital punishment itself, but I am always wanting to discuss what a jackass our Attorney General is most of the time.

The verdict of this state of the union is that I still do not enjoy Jon Bruning politically, and probably never will. He has no principles, and probably never will. However, the scoreboard is absolutely Chambers 1, Bruning 0, and that amuses me.

And, does anybody else care about the cruelty of the chair?

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A Place very dear and near to several HeavySoul members: Taco John's

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Sunday, February 17, 2008

Uh, wait...what?

This is one of the funniest/mind-bendingly bizarre things I have ever seen. I hardly even know how to react to it.

That said, it is a must-see.

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The BEAS @ The BOB...

So as it stands, EZ-T and myself are the primary supporters of Husker Basketball on this blog. That's fine. We understand. It's been a typical year thus far for our team, not to mention how difficult it is to be a fan, watching this undermatched team squander leads and choke away games they could win.

However, this Wednesday, everyone has a valid reason to come see the Huskers...The man who will most likely be selected #1 in the 2008 NBA draft, Michael Beasley, and the Purple D-Bags from KSU(cks) are coming to town. If you haven't seen this guy play yet, you're missing out. How often does the #1 pick come to your gym? Rarely.

So mark it on your calendar, 2/20/08, 8:00 PM, Bob Devaney Sports Center. If you don't have tickets, you can find plenty walking up, or at the ticket office. Watching this tremendous young talent play is worth more than face value, not to mention the added bonus of seeing whatever CLown suit KSU coach Frank Martin decides to fashion.

Wear Red, cheer hard for the Skers, and enjoy the Michael Beasley show. With your help, we can send him home a loser!!!

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Saturday, February 16, 2008

Lunch with Dr. TO

So I was fortunate enough to hear TO speak at a luncheon this past Monday, he was tremendous. He spoke for 5 minutes before I realized: "Damn, this is really good stuff, I better take notes so I can remember this." Here's a synopsis of my notes.

Culture Building
- Building a culture has a lot to do with consistency, which was something that got away from us. Mike Babcock from Huskers Illustrated, wrote a book "Heart of a Husker," which is made up of interviews from past players and coaches. The common theme was consistency and how the players always felt cared for equally. Whether it was a 1st teamer or a 4th teamer, during the week, they all received equal attention in their education, attention from coaches, etc…Now he did say that on Saturday's, obviously your 1st teamers are more important, but from Sunday - Friday, everyone was equal.

- Positive Environment Lou Holtz, when he was coaching for Arkansas, called Tom up one fall and wanted to visit NU during his bye weekend and spend time with the coaches, to see how we do things. Lou was shocked about how positive the coaches always were, and how well the players responded. We would always try to correct mistakes, but we would never attack a person's character.

Tom never used profanity. He joked about how he wasn't as effective in expressing himself because he never used that type of language.

- Listen and understand - especially if a player is having problems. Tom said a players/humans strongest need is to feel understood. Once you can communicate that to your players, and develop that rapport, they'll run through brick walls for you. The "Pressure valve is released" when you're on the same page as the player.

- Empower the players Players felt they had a stake, the coaches allowed them to set their own goals, which were usually very lofty. The coaches would help them refine their goals.

Unity Council was developed to take the pulse of the team. It was comprised of 2 players from every position - QB, OL, TE/WR, RB/FB, DL, LB, CB/S, & ST. Would always have 16 people. The idea was for players to come to the council with issues that they didn’t feel necessary to go straight to the coaches with, or maybe weren't comfortable approaching a coach about. These issues would be relayed to the staff through the council. All sorts of issues from a wide scale of importance. Little things like they didn't like a pre-game meal, or movie, or didn't like the way the equipment guy was throwing their eqpt at them, all the way to serious issues.

The Unity council set the rules for disciplinary measures. They used a point scale, and he didn’t' explain the entire scale, but summarized: Missing class or a workout was 1 point, getting a misdemeanor was 4 points, felony was 5 points. Once you accumulate 5 points, you're suspended for a game. Lawrence Philips, under the disciplinary standards of the unity council, should have missed 2 games. He got 2 misdemeanors. Given the severity of the actions, they decided to suspend him 6 games.

- Recruiting - the 2nd season of football! Recruiting services (Don't buy into the Hype) - Told a story about Bo, while at LSU, looking at film of a recruit from Georgia. The player was highly touted, but they weren't interested in him after watching the film, however, there was another player that jumped out at him on the film: "Who's this guy?" He asked. So he had his staff research this player, they found him, talked to him, and offered him a scholarship. The next day after the offer, this player went from a ZERO star recruit, to a 4-Star!

When Trev Alberts was a HS senior, he wasn't getting any recognition from the 2 major recruiting services back in that day, so his dad called one of them up and said: "Hey, my son is a great player, and you don't even have him listed in your publication, what's going on." The service said, "Well, he might get noticed, and it would help if you'd send $100." So Mr. Alberts sent $100, and the next edition he was listed as a top recruit.

TO said they used to watch all the parade all-Americans on film during recruiting, and there were plenty of them that they thought "couldn't play a lick."

- This Year's class was a good recruiting class, considering what they went through. With our population base, it will always be difficult to recruit with Texas and USC.

- Walk-On Program - 29 walk-on's turned down scholarships this year to other schools. 2-3 of these guys turned down D-1 offers, the rest from lower divisions. These are guys that really WANT to play for NU, and he thinks "that is our edge" and "we can compete with everybody." His hunch, in 2-3 years, we'll (collectively) be able to accomplish some great things.

Told a story about former LB, Doug Colman. Doug was in his office last week reflecting with Tom about his experience as a Husker. Doug was a highly touted recruit out of New Jersey, he selected NU b/c we were a high profile program that he thought could help him get to the NFL. But what he found out when he got here was that this was a special place. You had guys from no where Nebraska busting their tail, making sacrifices for the team, so they could see the field on a few kick-offs. This work ethic, these sacrifices are what rub off on everyone, especially the out of state recruits. These Nebraska players are what it takes for the team to "Buy In" to the culture that is NU football.

- Culture is Fragile, can be lost easily…

- Character In recruiting, character is vital. TO personally met with all the scholarship recruits and walk-on, he thinks this class has very good character.

3 things to character:

1. Honesty - You can count on guys that tell you the truth.
- You can't promise play time, or say they'll start as a freshmen. This year there were no promises. When that happens, it leaves huge potential for a dicey situation. Next year, when that player isn't seeing the field, he feels betrayed.

2. Contribution - You have to find players interested in contributing towards the big picture.

3. Adversity - How well does a player respond to it?
- Adversity led to a tangent - TO said his first 5 years as a coach, they couldn't beat OU. We had good players, coached up real well, but OU had talent. Our QB's were traditional, drop back passers, good players, but not very mobile. OU had athletes that could scramble, make something happen, escape from the pocket, and run or throw for huge gains in vital situations. This would always be our Achilles heel. So that's when TO realized we needed mobile QB's to beat OU, to make it to the next level.

- Balance - Very important. Always tried to instill balance into his staff and players.
3 aspects to Balance:

1. Physical
2. Intellectual
3. Spiritual - Doesn't always have to be faith based. Could include community work, team building, anything to keep spirits high.

- TO has never given up on anybody. During his years as a coach, there were 5-6 players that were accused or convicted of something legally, and today, he said: "I'm proud of each and every one of them…except for one." Which he didn't say, but was easy to read between the lines, that person was/is LP.

After that, there was only time for 2 questions:

1. Where's LP today? TO - "He's in prison…well, not prison, but a correctional facility in CA. He was doing very well, actually, and I talked to him before his most recent infraction. He was coaching HS or youth football. His problem, was, is and something he'll always have to deal with is anger management. He was playing flag football with some youth and he thought they had stolen some of his property, wallet, or radio, or something, and he doesn't know how to manage his anger, so he responded by driving his car after the kids and may or may not have hit someone."

2. Can you talk about Team mates? Don't remember the answer.


Friday, February 15, 2008

Friday Fun Day


I could take 18. I think my moral flexibility helped my score.

Craig Hodges Blackballed From The NBA????

This is just a fascinating piece from ESPN.com's Page 2 columnist LZ Granderson. A quick summary is that after Craig Hodges wore a dashiki to the White House after the Bulls won their second World Championship--and hitting 45% of three-pointers in the playoffs to boot--he could not even get a tryout with any other NBA team.

This is incredible to me. Possibly the greatest pure shooter in the history of the NBA, after helping a team win two straight NBA titles, cannot get even a call-back, let alone a tryout.

Crazy shit.

Anyways, it's not some wonderfully written column or anything, but is certainly interesting. Some nice Friday reading for everyone.

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Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Adolph Rupp...

Just rolled over in his grave. Could we get some Wildcat commentary from an expert? The UK just made Vandy look like Kansas taking it to Nebraska.


Saturday, February 09, 2008


From Wikipedia-

Diplo (born Wesley Pentz, also variably known as Diplodocus, Wes Gully, and Wes Diplo) is a Philadelphia-based producer and DJ. Together with DJ Low Budget, he runs Hollertronix, a club and music collective. In addition to his solo career, he has worked with and dated British-based Sri Lankan singer and artist M.I.A.[1]. Pentz's alias, short for Diplodocus, derives from his childhood fascination with dinosaurs.

Pitchfork Media Mix '07- DIPLO

Extra Pulp (Clot Mixtape)- DIPLO

HeavySoul endorses...

...Barack Obama in the 2008 Nebraska Democratic Caucus. Well, at least I do. Happy caucusing, everyone.

Friday, February 08, 2008


My "Suns Trade For Shaq, Because That Makes Sense" post feels even better now than when I first wrote it.


Because Scoop Jackson says "Guess What? The Suns just made a fantastic trade"

Here's an excerpt:

The fact is, by attaining the services of Shaquille O'Neal and not expecting or needing much from a productivity standpoint in return, the Phoenix Suns may have made the most ingenious move in the NBA in the past 10 years.
The Suns trading for Shaq, his $40+ MILLION remaining on his contract, his jacked up hip, and his inability to jump more than 5" off the ground may be the most ingenious move made in the NBA in the past 10 years.

These are the writings of a crazy person.

I can name three moves made this season better than this one: Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, and Pau Gasol. Particularly Gasol, considering the Lakers gave up nothing for him.

I've got to wonder if this is a ESPN directive column; i.e. "we've got to have someone say this was a great trade. Scoop, you're on it." But if you read the whole thing, he sounds too passionate about this for me to think that he doesn't really believe it.

It is stunning to me that Scoop Jackson--his name is Scoop, for chrissakes!--makes more than everyone on this blog (well, I'm guessing, anyways). If you want me to write like a fifth grader and have "controversial" viewpoints, I'll do it for $10 a column.

Give me a call, ESPN. I cannot promise to produce genuine levels of crazy like my man Scoop, but I'll give it my best shot, and save you some money. Let me know.

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Thursday, February 07, 2008


Ken Tremendous: Revealed!

In a somewhat surprising move, the guys at Fire Joe Morgan released their true identities. (Surprising, that is, if you're a dorky baseball fan that spends too much time on the internet) dak and Junior both appear to be writers for "Last Call with Carson Daily," as well as credits with "Frank TV" and "South Park."

I enjoy all the contributors on their site; however, Ken Tremendous is the guy there. He posts the most, and consistently brings more "LOL" moments than any internets writer anywhere. And not too shockingly, he writes and produces for only one of the three best shows on television, and even has appeared on said show. And now, the real identity of KT:

Ken Tremendous is also Mose Schrute! His name is Michael Schur, and he also was the lead writer for the greatest Office episode ever (in my humble opinion), "The Travelling Salesman."

I didn't know it would be possible to love Fire Joe Morgan more than I already do. And I probably don't, but I respect it even more.

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Wednesday, February 06, 2008

The Rest of the Story

I saw this on the Countdown with Keith Olbermann tonight. One of those things where you're kind of paying attention, kind of not, then you hear something and it seems too shocking to be true.

This happened, so I called Hales, the only other loyal Countdown watcher I know (although you all should be). He didn't happen to be watching, so I searched the Internets and found it in a matter of seconds.


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Not sure if it's official yet but...

...I heard that Greg Sharpe is the new play-by-play guy officially.

Update: it's on this blog that is read more than ours. Must be true.

I caught his broadcast last year of the Colorado game and it was decent. Actually better than decent, probably a solid 8.5. In a spirit of kindness, I offer these words of advice from HeavySoul.

1. Study your seed corn brands.
2. Learn everything there is to know about Dorothy Lynch (good advice for anyone).
3. Don't ever fucking say, "Hotter than a Two-Dollar Pistol."
4. Turn down a chance to show you're completely insane every drivetime on KFAB.
5. Save raising your voice for plays that are actually important (3 yard handoffs: not important).
6. Listen to The Kansas City Chiefs broadcast (even though I think I like you, those guys are the best and it can only help).
7. A little homering is okay, but basically just tell us what the hell is actually happening, not what you think we want to be happening.
8. Time, down, distance, score.

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The Real Sesame Street

So this morning I got up to go to class, found out it was a snowday, and then climbed back into bed and turned on the TV. I watched Mr. Warmth on HBO Family last night and so when I turned on the TV, Sesame Street: Follow that Bird was in full swing. I remembered that Waylon Jennings made an appearance as the truck driver and sang a song with Big Bird so I decided to wait around to see that part. Unfortunately for me, I missed that portion of the movie. However, I did have a few observations about the show that everyone watched when they were a kid.

First, Sesame Street was a dump. That place looks like a Warsaw ghetto after Kristallnacht. Its supposed to be somewhere in Brooklyn. Yeah, Brooklyn after the Apocolypse. There are monsters running around eating everything in sight and a vampire roams the street counting the number of children loitering on the sidewalks. Kids shouldn't be on the streets in a neighborhood like that.

Second, what the fuck is a honker? Who came up with these things? They might be the single most annoying fictional creation in history.

Third, what do Maria, Gordon, Susan, etc. (the humans on the show) do? They teach little kids who hang out on the street during the middle of the day lessons about numbers and letters. Shouldn't they be concerned that the kids are hanging out on a street corner instead of being in school on a school day? Somehow, they also have the ability to go off searching for an eight foot bird for months. Who pays the rent and the bills? Are they independently wealthy or something? Are the street lessons a simple way for them to sling dope?

Fourth, there is no doubt that Bert and Ernie were gay.

Fifth, I didn't remember this until watching today, there were several grouches besides Oscar on Sesame Street. They act like a homeless, street gang. They all live in trash cans, talk shit to everyone they're around, and exhibit an overall air of invincibility. They should have just given each a 9 mm and a pair of Jordan's.

Sixth, Sesame was better when we were watching and Elmo didn't really exist yet.


Finally, the Sleaze Brothers (played by Dave Thomas of Strange Brew and SCTV fame and Joe Flaherty who was also on SCTV) might be the most evil characters ever created. These guys created an entire carnival with the purpose of conning little kids out of money. They rigged games, denied refunds, and tried to get as much money as they could while providing the least amount of benefit to their customers. The only thing worse than that is the Disney Corp.

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Suns Trade For Shaq, Because That Makes Sense

Can someone explain this to me? Why in the hell is Steve Kerr trading for Shaq?

This deal makes no sense on almost every level. The Suns run and gun. They play fast, run high pick and rolls, and space out the floor so they can fire away from 3-Point land.

Nowhere does "he may be 36, but looks 50" Shaquille O'Neil fit into this scheme.

Then you look at the money. You're trading Shawn Marion (and Marcus Banks to even out the salaries). Marion makes, I believe, about $2.5M less than Shaq. He can opt out next year. And if you believe all the press accounts, Marion probably would opt out because he's not really happy in Phoenix. So that gives the Suns $17.5M in cap room next year.

Instead, they trade him for Shaq, who is guaranteed $20M--for two more seasons! He'll be 38, and if the way he is playing now is any indication, he should be a great guy to put in at the end of games to foul...that is, if he is allowed to grab the guy who is going to inbound before he takes the ball out, and this involves not moving any body part below his waist.

The only possible level I can imagine this being a good deal for the Suns is the one thing that Phoenix guy doesn't want to hear...and that's money. Yes, Shaq is being paid WAAAAAAYYYYYY too much. However, I'm sure the residuals that come along with him being on your squad trump that. And if that is it--which I am sure is about the only reason--that is pretty sad.

But don't just feel bad for the Phoenix fan--feel bad for anyone who enjoys watching the NBA. Because arguably the most exciting team to watch just got shitty.

Steve Kerr, I've always thought you're a really smart guy. I hope that you still are, and have something good up your sleeve.

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What a great day today is

For multiple reasons....

#1) it's the first game in the greatest rivalry in sports. National hate the Tar Holers day!!! That's right folks UNC/Duke at the Dean Dome is tonight, it also marks the return of Dick Vitale to the mic. I have to admit i almost have missed him, looking forward to his ramblings for the first time possibly ever.
-this game is going to be great, i didn't think Duke stood a chance on the road but with Ty Lawson probably not playing i all of a sudden think a win is possible. I have no idea how Duke will hold Hansborough under 30 but hopefully they can contain everyone else. I still say UNC wins by 8, but damn this is going to be fun......tune in.

#2) it's national drool all over an 18 year old day. That's right boys and girls it's signing day. Today will be fun at work constantly checking rivals to see who all is signed in ink and to see if there are any surprise additions/deletions.

Enjoy the day boys and girls

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Super Tuesday: A Haiku Retrospective

In liue of my close watching of "Super Tuesday", I have created many Haiku to relate my feelings. Combining two things I love, the Haiku, and ridiculous politcal banter. Let us start.

Super tuesday fun
Too much MSNBC
I love Olbermann

Montana loves Ron
GA move to Montana
Revolution starts

Romney is scary
Not a real human being
Huckabee as bad

Feel free to create your own.

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The Commies Win Again, Or: The Super Bowl's Got Nothing On A Regular Season Rockets vs. Bucks Match-up!

The Super Bowl this year had its highest number of viewers ever, topping out at 105.7 million viewers during the fourth quarter. This is an insane amount of viewers.

Would you believe that it wasn't even this year's highest rated sporting event?

Saturday's REGULAR SEASON match-up of the Houston Rockets (fourth place in the Western Conference Southwest) at the Milwaukee Bucks (last place in the Eastern Conference Central!) drew over 200 MILLION VIEWERS. And this game was on in the morning in China.

The NBA: Where the government's will forced upon the people Happens.

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Friday, February 01, 2008


Here's a great clip of Berman freaking out during filming. You just know this guy does shit like this all of the time. I thought for sure he was going to point into the crew at the end and go "You. The eighteen-year-old intern. You're with me tonight."


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Pete's NFL Picks: Super Bowl Edition

With a head of steam coming off of a bye-week, it’s time to get down to business: the business of the SUPER BOWL. The SUPER BOWL combines the best elements of football, gambling, drinking, capitalism, and crockpotted cuisine into one gluttonous Sunday. Why is SUPER BOWL capitalized? Well, that brings me to a trend that I had never noticed until this year.

Apparently, the NFL has copyrighted use of the term Super Bowl. I don’t know if this was done in 1967 or 2005, by Hank Stram or Paul Tagliabue. What it means to you and I are ads exclaiming, “come watch the big game at Hooters,” or “It’s the biggest game of the year, so buy some Clearly Canadian” (Clearly Canadian is good and making a comeback, according to my sources). The NFL has copyrighted words. Advertisers will not say SUPER BOWL. But Pete will write SUPER BOWL in this post at least 12 times. I will keep you all advised on any lawsuits that roll in.

Now, in what was intended to be a post earlier in the week that got derailed by my first-hand Drake basketball experience (they are currently on an 18 game winning streak and ranked 16th nationally. Plus their coach’s first name is Keno, like the gambling activity, so this is relevant. And the circle comes around). I now present you with an abbreviated version of the best NFL teams of all time in this guy’s opinion. Let me say that if the Patriots go on and conquer the Giants to complete the 19-0, they will shoot to the top. They are not listed now because until a team wins a Super Bowl, they cannot be in the discussion.

1. The 1989 49ers. This team had Montana, Rice, and Craig at their absolute peaks, and is perhaps the best offense in NFL history before this year’s Pats. Their defense was a little above NFL average, but they demolished Denver 55-10 in the 1990 Super Bowl and were a juggernaut of epic proportions.

2. The 1967 Packers. This team had like 79 Hall of Famers and Vince Lombardi. Bart Starr. Ray Nitschke. Jerry Kramer. That receiver that was so hungover he almost didn’t play. I love that story.

3. The 1985 Bears. A close third. The best defense either goes to them or the 2000 Ravens. Walter Payton. Singletary. This team had playmakers galore, especially on defense and special teams, featuring North Platte uncle and underrated Tecmo machine Dennis Gentry. Would be first except that Jim McMahon was really not very good, and their best receiver was a better track athlete.

4. The 1978 Steelers. The best team of the 70s. God, I hate the f-ing Steelers. Let’s move on.

5. The 1999 Broncos. This narrowly, and I mean narrowly edged out the 1992 Cowboys, and I’m probably alone on this one, but hear me out. An explosive offense featuring my all time favorite receiver Rod Smith, Terrell Davis, Easy Ed McCaffrey and his youth league shoulder pads, and a destructive offensive line. The defense was stout as well with my least favorite player Bill Romanowski and Trevor Pryce. This team went 14-2 in the regular season and rolled a good Falcons team in the Super Bowl.

Honorable mention goes to the 1992 Cowboys and Gothenburg, NE native Jay Novacek. Like the interesting new band Vampire Weekend, they are pretty fantastic. But they are no Kings of Leon.

Then, here comes a top 5 crockpotted list of Super Bowl foods:

1. Little smokies. 2. Super Bowl dip (You know, the one with like cheese and hamburger meat with taco seasoning) 3. Chili (especially with the Nebraska public school-created concoction with cinnamon rolls, which you can now get at Runza) 4. Spare Ribs (I rocked these for the title game) 5. Beer cheese (dip or soup, all good)

Sentence I hear on Monday after the Super Bowl every year that makes me want to jam a pencil through my ears: “The commercials just weren’t that great this year.” Really, dipshit? That’s because they’re commercials. Watching TV for the commercials is like smoking for the lung cancer. Grow up.

And now, the pick. We are wrapping up another successful playoff season here at Pete’s NFL Picks. A documented 6-4 ATS record. My horoscope says tread lightly, don’t mess up a good thing, and don’t blow your entire profit on the last game of the year. Those astrology folks sure know me. Anyway, onto the pick.

NEW ENGLAND (-12) over The New York Football Giants

New England is clearly the better team here, and since they have reached the summit, they have every motivation to bludgeon the Giants into the turf. I’m not saying the Giants won’t hang in for awhile, but I’m actually, and regrettably, predicting that we are in for a boring game, kiddies. And by boring I mean low-scoring, bad commercials, more eating than watching, and betting the under 53.5 (the bet I really like).

I don’t have a good feel for the spread here, but I do like that under and that is my last bit of football financial advice for this NFL season, but we will be back with a vengeance in September.
New England 31 NYFBG 17

As always, feel free to agree with me in the comments below.

Oh wait, it’s the Super Bowl, and that means prop bets! Here we go, a happy bonus for you lucky bastards:
Top 7 Props
1. Tails
2. Under the National Anthem (Jordin Sparks will be in a hurry to get through it, trust me, she sucks, and I have insider info. Pound it. Thank me now or later.)
3. Tom Petty will play “Free Fallin”.
4. Randy Moss under receptions
5. Brandon Jacobs over carries
6. Pete under 8.5 beers (I'm old and it's a school night)
7. Mayfield, Hales, Delusional KC Fan, GaHill, Toffer, and every other HeavySouler, over 100 little smokies, 3.5 crock pots, 80 beers, 48 prop bets, and under 21.5 discussions involving commercials. (Note, the odds on this are about 1/937)
Long shot: Kevin Boss or Kevin Faulk will score the first TD’s.

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