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Friday, December 30, 2005

What would you do?

So Ga Hill and myself were talking last night at the bar about how incredible awesome Zach Taylor is. While on the subject of Nebraska QB's Ga Hill said Scott Frost is one tough sonbitchin quarterback. I completely agreed with his statement and then said he ran like a little school girl when Lawerence Phillips came after the girl he was sleepin with at the time. Ga Hill said anyone would run in that situation it was LP. I said I'm not sure but I think even Ray Lewis would run if LP came through the slidding glass door in a third story apartment.

So the question is who wouldn't run if Lawerence Phillips broke into the apartment of the girl LP use to date and was sleeping with her at the time.

Phil Rodgers Writes Something Intelligible!

Andre Dawson belongs in Cooperstown.

Welcome Back

Well, I'm back from the craziness that was the 2005 Alamobowl. The following is simply an annotated chronicle of our journey:

At 7:15 A.M. on Monday morning I got a wake-up call from Benson (we were planning on leaving at 6). Turns out all three of us overslept and we didn't get on the road until 8:30. The rest of that day was a wash as we drove through the worst two states in the union: Oklahoma and Texas. Come on, they should rename them Land Fill and McDonald's-Every-Five-Feet. Tuesday during the day we went to some outlet malls (I know, I'm gay). That night we went to a piano bar called Howl at the Moon. Benson met some dude who claimed he plays for Green Bay and disappeared. Hales and I decided that Billy Joel sucks and crossed the street to some random bar called Club River. Ok, this place has three sections: a dance club, a live music club, and a strip club and you can come and go between all three anytime you want. We ended up in the live music club where some cover band was playing. When they took a break we ended up talking to them, doing shots, and then composing the rest of their set list. This was also the point that I realized our waitress was fairly hot and decided to work some magic (by magic I mean guzzling scotch and maximizing the flow of verbal diarhea). After last call, Scott got locked outside of the club and I proceded to give my number to the waitress and did a couple of more shots with the cover band.

On Bowl day, HANG OVER. I didn't even drink until the third quarter and I only did it then because I needed to relieve the stress of not being able to smoke. Needless to the say the game was fantastic. I don't know if I've ever experienced a game atmosphere that could compare with it. It was about 70:30 Nebraska fans. The Michigan fans were actually pretty cool and the traditions they have at games are fucking awesome considering every single fan does them. The Texas fans that were there were an entirely different story. What a bunch of conceited fucks! I think more shit was talked between Texas and Nebraska fans that between Michigan and Nebraska fans. These assholes come to a bowl game wearing their fairie burnt orange vomit rags and acting like the game was below them. What a joke.

You guys saw the game so I won't rehash any of that. However, I will say that nobody I talked to afterwards thought it was that bad of a refereed game (that includes Michigan fans). I only heard about the referees when I talked to Seger on the way to the Riverwalk. The rest of the night was kind of a blur but I did hang out with Beau Ruud and J.B. Philips for a while and the waitresses at the bar made hooters girls look like Phi Mu's. Great times, I'll definitely be up for more bowl game adventures in the future.

P.S. Sorry about all of the late night texting.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Hate to do this...

...after such a great, positive win for Nebraska last night. But this post is to bitch, in particular at ESPN. A few thoughts:

1. The SportsCenter that aired right after the game was over was sweet. Stewart Scott called the replays, and gave "big ups!" to Nebraska. However, the 1 am SportsCenter was total shit. Steve Levy (go back to hockey, you dork) did everything he could with his highlights to make it look like Nebraska cheated their way to that win. They showed the play in the end zone where Bowman made a play on the ball, but showed it from the back--where you could see that Bowman appeared to have a grab of the receiver's jersey. He said something along the lines of "(whatever the receiver's name was) is clearly being held, and the refs don't call it!"

You know why they didn't call it? They couldn't see it. That was a total veteran move by Bowman. Was it pass interference? Not if the refs cannot see it. He did it on the blind side of the refs, and did so just barely enough to keep him from catching it. Apparently when a Nebraska DB does it, it is total cheating, but when Deion Sanders does it for a living, he is the greatest DB of all time. Or how Michael Jordan played his last 5 years perfecting the duck down/push off jump shot that was, literally, impossible to defend (see the last shot against the Jazz in the Finals).

Levy also went on to say, during the last play, that Nebraska should have been penalized, and that Michigan got robbed (not verbatim, but along those lines). As I pointed out in the comments a couple of posts below--were there not Michigan players on the field? Give me a break.

What a fuck.

2. Michigan players. Wow. Reading the stories in the World-Herald, it is officially confirmed: I still really hate Michigan. They all, even after getting beat down by an athletically-inferior team, still believe that they should not have lost because they're Michigan. Some quotes:

--"Definitely. I followed through, just like a regular pass. I don't know what [the referees] were looking at." Chad Henne, referring to the fumble he gave up to give Nebraska the winning possession.

--"Some things happened at the end that I'll have to see on film. But I think our players deserved better." Crybaby coach Lloyd Carr (enjoy that hot seat this winter, buddy!)

--"I don't know how that many people could end up on the field. I just don't know what happened." Douche bag coach Lloyd Carr, still refusing to take responsibility for the loss.

--"Michigan linebacker Pierre Woods came to the interview room and claimed that a Nebraska tight end with a jersey number in the 80's came from the sideline to help tackle [Tyler] Ecker at the NU 13 [at the end of the game]." From Lee BARFknecht's World-Herald story entitled "Henne says wrong call made on fumble".

Lastly, nothing to do with this game, but infuriating all the same--Mitch Sherman interviewed Kirk "oops, I forgot to wear my wedding ring out again!" Herbstreit about tonight's USC vs. Nebraska '95 on SportsCenter. While ol' Herbie didn't say who he would pick, he did say this:

"My thought is that when you want to play with USC and beat USC, you've got to have tremendous balanace. I htink Nebraska's defense would keep them in that game. They were so physical and so imposing. But to win that game, you have to be able to throw and run."

Isn't this the exact same, bullshit argument that people made while making Florida the favorite in the Fiesta Bowl?? Nebraska's average score against four Top 10 teams they faced that year was 45-16. They beat the NUMBER TWO TEAM IN THE COUNTRY, and the bowl game favorite, 62-24, and put up 629 yards of offense against them. You know what? 629 yards against one of the best and fastest defenses in the country is 629 yards--does it really matter how much they passed? Nebraska had 13 NFL players on that *defense* that year (granted, some of them didn't play much, but still).

USC gave up an AVERAGE of 21 points a game. They gave up 344.7 yards of total offense A GAME! They gave up 42 points to freaking Fresno State! Are you kidding me? You know how much Florida's defense gave up in 1995? 315.6 yards a game. USC gives up 12.9 less yards rushing than the 1995 Florida defense did. So I guess that one-demensional Nebraska would have only gained 511 yards against USC in the running game (I went ahead and rounded it up to 13 less yards USC would have given up).

I am so sick of this argument. Nebraska would have beaten them up and down the field, on both sides of the ball. I am so fucking sick of ESPN and their "whoever is winning today is the best" mentality.

I give up.

Steve Earle Ain't Ever Satisfied

I have been around some strange things this Christmas Break, a third year med student so ashamed of pissing himself that he has blamed it on a faulty humidifier in his room. The amazing coincidence of the Huskers only doing well when the Rod is not in the house. Then this morning we found a Steve Earle Ain't Ever Satisfied CD (apparently it is his greatest hits) in our spice cupboard. Right now the money is on Pete being drunk one night looking for some Jonny's French Onion Ajus to wash down his Taco Johns when he mistaken left it. More comedy that Pete supplied last night, while MIB and I were outside we stumbled over a suitcase full of Jeff shirts which would include:
Worlds Greatest Dad
Some IGN website that points out that you can not spell Igornant Slut without ING
A 1994 Diamond Rio concert shirt

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Good times

I'm sure over the next few days we'll all disect the brilliant Husker victory and all the positives from the football game. But right now, I'd mainly just to thank Bowman (at least I think it was him) for not pulling a Bullocks and quitting on the final play of the Alamo Bowl. I am thankful to be spared a Cal Bears-esque replay that we would've had to suffer through for the rest of our lives.

In case you forgot I was awesome...

I tallied a 3-0 defeat of mayfieldsucks in College Football on playstation sometime around 3 a.m. last Friday. Granted, we were drunk and we accidentally played 2004, and it was sometime around the 4th quarter when we figured out why the juke wasn't working correctly, I still think it is of note since he claims that he is the king of all video game media.

Alamo Bowl Preview: We Must Protect This House!

It's GAMEDAY, bitches! A couple of thoughts:

1. I do not know that Michigan is going to run the ball very effectively against us. Our front guys on defense is, basically, the only place where Nebraska has the clear advantage. If NU shuts down the run, I believe this is a winnable game.

2. The San Antonio paper reported today that they believe that 50,000 Nebraska fans will be there tonight. 50,000! 60,000 went to the Rose Bowl in 2001. Add el Big Boi and Hales, who have probably been drinking the last 48 straight hours, and we might have the loudest Alamo Bowl crowd in history. Just having that home game atmosphere should really help the Huskers....

3. ....and not really hurt Michigan. Playing in the Alamodome is like playing at Northwestern when they have a crappy team. The "big game" atmosphere really should not effect them whatsoever.

Look--I love Nebraska. I love their chances of going down there and putting on the most heart-filled, will-not-be-denied effort and pulling the upset. But Michigan is better everywhere but at the d-line and special teams. We are totally out-athleted (duh). The only things that I am holding onto here are (look, another list!):

1. Bill Callahan. Michigan gave up 144 yards of offense to Ohio State--their most bitter rival--in the second half of the fourth quarter. Billy C. showed what he can do with a bye week. I am very anxious to see what he can do with a bye month. Because, regardless if we can execute or not, Callahan is going to have an offensive game plan that will be superior to Michigan's defensive game plan. Again, it comes down to execution. This is, obviously, going to be very tough for the Huskers.

2. Rushing game. Like I mentioned above, if we shut down Michigan's rushing game, I like our chances. They have a very good running back in Mike Hart. However, he may be rusty. On the flip side of this, is our running backs. Michigan has been susceptible to the run this year. If we can establish a rushing game--which I believe will include a lot of Marlon Lucky--our passing game will be hard to stop. You know that Zac Taylor is brimming in confidence after that Colorado game. He showed that he can be a real force throwing the ball when he A) has time in the pocket, and B) when he gets in a rhythm. Let's hope that Cory Ross and Lucky get going early.

3. Defense. Again, as mentioned above, I like our defense here. Sure, Michigan's offensive line are a bunch of power forwards with 300 lb bodies, but we are certainly quicker than them. If they can establish themselves, I have enough confidence in our secondary and linebackers that we can keep their scoring to a minimum.

I guess that is about it. Gun to the head prediction? We'll probably get beat. Fortunately, I do not have a gun to my head. So I'm saying:

Huskers 30 Wolverines 24

What do you think?

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time

Here we go:
On Friday, I went to my grandma's house in Kearney for Xmas festivities. Upon arrival, it was soon discovered that my grandma had cancelled her Dish Network and hadn't hooked up cable yet. I was the only person there who a. was under 50 and b. wasn't sewing. What a nightmare.

Logically, I headed to the bar by myself. I decided to try the Thunderhead Microbrewery. I sat at the bar for 6 hours from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. The following events actually happened:

1. The bartender, a Cold War-era Soviet named Sergei, would openly swear at customers who ordered things that were not tap beer, and not in a joking matter. At least 3 groups of people got offended and left throughout the course of the night.
2. One gentleman, upon learning that his "mug club" membership had changed numbers due to them breaking his mug in the dishwasher, threw his new mug at Sergei from 10 feet away, shattering it against the beer taps. He was not kicked out.
3. Mini-golf Girl, a Cody Go Karts Hall of Famer, worked there, and smoked at least 3 bowls in the women's bathroom while waiting tables.
4. Sergei, who like me because I ordered tap beer, gave free Jager shots for the rest of the night.
5. The "mug club" guy, upon being sarcastically called an idiot by one of the waitresses. Said that he was never coming back again, angrily paid his tab and left, then came back about an hour later for last call with absolutely no recollection of the event. Sergei was also the supervisor and said that he was not allowed back in upon his departure, but apparently an hour away was enough.
6. Mini Golf Girl got off, lined up five shots of Jager I poured, and downed them in about 15 seconds. Then began dancing on the table. Unstable comes to mind for those looking for an update on her.
7. The brewery does not follow last call, and says that they do so because a lot of cops drink there. I was invited to stay until 2 or 3.

Overall, I give this bar a 10.5 out of 10. If you are ever stuck in Kearney for the night by yourself, it could not be more highly recommended.

Let's beat this horse into the ground...

I think the Prior for Tejada trade would be brilliant for the Cubs. Obviously, so do the Orioles which is why this thing is taking so long. And while I agree with many of the things previously written (that Tejada is awesome and Prior is overrated), I would like to add two more points.

1. Many of the keep Prior arguments work under the assumption this guy is a Cub for life. After the whole draft debacle, I think we all understand where money ranks in his hierarchy. He is soon to become a free agent and either stick the Cubs with an offensive tab or ride off to Toronto or Texas or wherever the popular pitching destination is during that offseason.

2. By all accounts, Tejada is a great leader and a clubhouse guy. I am of the personal opinion that this may be more important than all the hits and RBI's. I often think the Cubs are a bit of a rudderless ship. You can tell me Derrick Lee is the best baseball player since Jesus Christ, and I may listen, but I don't consider him to be a great clubhouse leader.

Am I the only person working today?

Sure seems like it. Hope everyone had a great Christmas.

Unfortunately, there is no post about what the Man In Black got himself for Christmas. But I will say this--I got the best Christmas present out of everybody. That is, unless you can top getting a game-used, broken-at-the-handle, Glenallen Hill baseball bat.

I am guessing that you cannot.

Ho! Ho! Ho! PIMP!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Speaking of our new Christmas monkey...

Looks like his cousin just signed with the New York Yankees.

What a sellout.

Merry Christmas

Hey all,

Just thought I would wish all of you heavy soulers a Merry Christmas. I will be in Lincoln/Omaha for two days but will be tied up with family obligations so I will probably not see anyone. So anyway, I hope you all have a great holiday; travel safely to your holiday destinations and I hope Santa brings all of you the the MLB winter trades and college football bowl picks you've been wishing for.


Let's Take A Deeper Look

In response to all the comments under the "Prior for Tejada??" post, I decided that this response deserved it's own post.

Pete and I spoke about this trade idea at length tonight. In the middle of the conversation, I mentioned my fear of Tejada and steriods. Since then, I have been thinking about it more, so I thought I would look at a little timeline.

August 1: Rafael Palmeiro tests positive for steriods.

Now, let's take a look at Tejada's season splits, by month:

April: .347 AVG 31 RBI 8 HR .394 OBP .684 SLG 1.078 OPS
May: .292 AVG 14 RBI 5 HR .333 OBP .504 SLG .838 OPS
June: .330 AVG 15 RBI 6 HR .377 OBP .631 SLG 1.008 OPS
July: .330 AVG 10 RBI 3 HR .377 OBP .557 SLG .934 OPS
August: .277 AVG 17 RBI 3 HR .314 OBP .411 SLG .724 OPS
September: .265 AVG 11 RBI 1 HR .317 OBP .368 SLG .685 OPS
October: .250 AVG 0 RBI 0 HR .349 OBP .515 SLG .865 OPS (in 8 AB's)

Quite a pattern. Couple this with the fact that Palmeiro said that he got a "Vitamin b-12" injection from Tejada in September--Jose Canseco said that Vitamin b-12 is a code name for steriods in his book--and where there's smoke, there's fire. That is a CONSIDERABLE drop in production, which started, oh, I don't know, the month that Raffy tested positive for steriods? Interesting.

And Mayfield--to say that Prior had one "good, not great" season is ridiculous...and again plays to my contention that you do not know anything about baseball. 2003 was his first full season in the Big Show (minus the 3 or 4 weeks he missed after colliding with Giles there in July, I believe), and here's all he did (keep in mind, he is 23 at this point):

30 G 211.1 IP 245 SO 50 BB 15 HR 57 ER 18 W 6 L 2.43 ERA 175 ERA+ 1.103 WHIP 10.44 SO/9 innings

(For those not familiar, ERA+ is considered a much more reliable way to judge a pitchers true ERA--from www.baseball-reference.com: the ratio of the league's ERA (adjusted to the pitcher's ballpark) to that of the pitcher. 100 is average. 175 is outstanding. Jason Schmidt led the NL with a 183 ERA+ that year, not much ahead of Prior. WHIP, walks+hits/IP, is also an excellent indicator. His 1.103 WHIP in 2003 was good enough for third-best in all of baseball, behind Schmidt and Pedro Martinez. His SO/9--stikeouts per nine innings--was second in the Majors to only...Kerry Wood. Prior led Major League Baseball in SO/9 last season.)

For those keeping track at home, that is a 4.9 SO/BB ratio. Which is remarkable. He went 10-1 down the stretch. A 23-year-old pitcher, in his first full year, putting a team squarely on his back and carrying them into the playoffs. He also finished 3rd in Cy Young voting.

Mark Prior has a career 3.24 ERA. He has pitched 613.1 innings in his career, and has 719 strikeouts. A career SO/BB ratio of almost 4. Oh, and he is now only 25.

Let's compare Prior's first four seasons to someone--how about Roger Clemens?

ERA: Clemens--3.27 Prior--3.24
SO: Clemens--694 Prior--719
BB: Clemens--216 Prior--195
Hits Allowed: Clemens--656 Prior--536
ERA+ (Average/Year): Clemens--137.25 Prior--131.5
WHIP: Clemens--1.169 Prior--1.192
SO/9: Clemens--8.14 Prior--10.55 (Just for fun: Nolan Ryan's was 8.95)
Innings Pitched: Clemens--767.4 Prior--614.7

So, there you go. Prior compares very, very favorably head-to-head against Roger Clemens in their first 4 seasons. Yes, Clemens pitched 150 more innings than Prior, and that is the main concern with Prior. On the flip side of that, Clemens pitched 150 more innings than Prior in his first four years, and Prior STILL has 25 more strike outs!

So, yeah, I guess being a retarded Astros fan and hearing all the hype about Prior, and how he was the second-coming of Christ himself, I guess he is a disappointment. But when you put things in *perspective*, it is clear that Mark Prior is having as good of a start to a career as anyone has had--extremely comparable to Roger Clemens, one of the top 2 or 3 pitchers of all time.

You guys talk about Mark Prior like he is some prospect playing for the Cubs Diamond-Jaxx farm club. Mark Prior is a Major League pitcher who has proven that he can pitch as well as anyone in baseball. Miguel Tejada, on the other hand, bloated out when he got up to MLB, and his power numbers steeply declined after his very famous teammate tested positive for steriods.

So, I ask again--who you takin'?

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Prior for Tejada??

Yikes. I really don't know what to think of this. Ken Rosenthal of Fox Sports (who has actually been the one guy that has been right this Hot Stove season) is reporting that the Cubs might be willing to trade Mark Prior and Rich Hill for Miguel Tejada, Erik Bedard, and a top outfielding prospect.

I don't know. The fact that it is even being floated out there is unbelievable. Do the Cubs think that Prior is half a season from blowing out his elbow? Do they think that Vitamin B-12 Tejada is worth giving up someone who has the *potential* to be one of the very best pitchers in baseball?

Bruce Levine of The Score in Chicago reported that there are two deals on the table. One involving what was reported by Fox Sports, and the other is:

B-More gets: Angel Guzman, Rich Hill, Corey Patterson, and Brian Dopirak
Cubs get: Tejada

Now, choice B is the one that I am taking and laughing all the way to the World Series. Granted, Guzman and Hill are two of the top pitching prospects the Cubs have, and Dopirak is an excellent 1st base prospect. But that deal needs to get done yesterday.

So, what do you think? Is Tejada worth Prior? I do not think so. At this point, I wouldn't trade Prior for anyone other than someone like A-Rod. He is going into Spring Training without any kind of soreness or problems for the first time in two years. I expect him back to his 2003 form.

A Christmas Poem

A Dysfunctional Christmas Volume 1

For most Christmas is a time
To spread joy and cheer
But that is not the case
For a guy like me this year

I’m left with many questions
From the year that has come and passed
I go searching for the answers
At the bottom of a whiskey glass

But when I get to the bottom
Of that tasty little treat
I only seem to have more questions
Laying at my feet

Where have I been?
And What Did I do?
I did what at that Christmas party?
I made out with who?

So as Christmas comes a calling
I’ll hold my head up high
And pray the person I kissed
Doesn’t turn out to be a guy

Many things about Christmas
Leave me red in the face
And since you are still reading
I’ll give you a little taste

Searching for the popular toy
That’s on your child’s list
Is something that can make you
More than a little pissed

You will fight with other parents
And you’ll probably overpay
Just to make them smile
When they open it on Christmas Day

But then something will happen
That will make you really hot
Your ex will get her a puppy
And your gift will go for not

You’ll spend all day with people
You can’t stand the rest of the year
You wear a cheesy fake smile
And tell them things they want to hear

The things that you tell them
Couldn’t be farther from the truth
But you probably shouldn’t tell them
You’d rather be hanging by a noose

That isn’t Christmas Spirit
You should be the better man
Even though you want to introduce them
To the back side of your hand

The one thing that will save me
This year on Christmas day
Is that after Christmas Dinner
I can drink the night away

My face will light up with joy
Brighter than the North Star
As I sing Christmas carols
With Jack Daniels at the bar

When I was a younger lad
I could never figure out why
The bar was the only thing open
In the whole town Christmas night

But now that I am older
And have gone through this hellacious year
I am glad the bar is open
To serve me lots of beer

It helps me to forget
The problems that I face
There’s no where I’d rather be
Than in this friendly place

I’m saddened by the fact
This poem is coming to a close
I really enjoyed telling you
How much my life really blows

But I can’t end it like that
It really wouldn’t be fair
I should end it on a happy note
So good tidings I shall share

So if you’re feeling stressed
About Christmas this year
I have some sound advice
You just might want to hear

Wear a smile on your face
For worse or for better
Even if you’re gift
Is just a crappy sweater

Because Christmas will be gone
Just like every year that has passed
And jolly Old Saint Nick
Can kiss your hairy ass!

Only in Nebraska...

The link below is about a story of a two headed fish caught in Nebraska. While it's a bit odd to me overall, the clear highlight is that the angler is still going to "smoke it up and eat it." Call me crazy, but I'm probably not going to eat this fish if I catch it.


Wednesday, December 21, 2005

I need an official ruling.

After doing an hour of power followed by going to the boats, Timmy and I decided that we needed to stop by the R-Barr for victory shots. So I pull into the Dr.’s office parking lot located right behind the bar where there just so happened to be a cop car parked and waiting for drunks like me and Timmy. So with my car parked next to a cop, Timmy and I walk into the R-Barr to take our Shot and get our free chaser of beer. Here is where my question comes in, Timmy and I thought it would be hilarious if we came out of the bar hammered and instead of driving home, or just leaving my car there, we would push my car the half block to my house. We figured we wouldn’t get a DUI because no one was driving and at worse we would get a public intoxication which, considering how funny we thought this would be, was worth it.

So Big Boi, what would most likely have happened if an inebriated Kyle pushed his car home in front of a cop?

A GA Hill Christmas link...

John Mayer professes a love for 'creepy boys'-choir stuff.'

December 23

So, I'll be in Omaha and available for drinking. Anyone up for Festivus. You will note that while drinking is officially considered optional at Festivus, it will be mandatory at this celebration.

I've included a brief description of the activities (taken from wikipedia) below if anyone has forgetten the elements.

Main elements of Festivus

The Festivus celebration includes four major components:
The Festivus Pole: The Costanzas' tradition begins with a bare aluminum pole, which Frank praises for its "very high strength-to-weight ratio." During Festivus, an unadorned aluminum pole is displayed. The pole was chosen apparently in opposition to the commercialization of highly decorated Christmas trees, because it is "very low-maintenance," and also because the holiday's patron, Frank Costanza, "find[s] tinsel distracting."

Festivus Dinner: The Festivus dinner menu is flexible, but it should be filling non-holiday comfort food (no turkey, duck, goose, or ham). The televised dinner featured what may have been meatloaf or spaghetti in a red sauce. (Presumably, an entree in a red sauce is more festive.) Kruger took a flask out from his jacket and took a swig; so one might interpret that drinking is optional.

The Airing of Grievances: At the Festivus dinner, each participant tells friends and family all of the instances where they disappointed him or her that year.

The Feats of Strength: The head of the family tests his or her strength against one participant of the head's choosing. Festivus is not considered over until the head of the family has been pinned to the ground. A participant is allowed to decline to attempt to pin the head of the family only if they have something better to do instead.

What a devilish bitch

A timeline for all of you to consider:

3:35 pm 12/20: I receive a text message from Big Boi informing me that our landlord will be in at 10 am today to inspect the apartment.

3:36 pm 12/20: I interrupt my sales pitch to drop a double bucket in the unisex Sprint bathroom.

3:48 pm 12/20: Return to the sales floor to find that my two-liner has left. Fucking landlord!

5:40 pm 12/20: Arrive home and promptly scarf down a couple of supreme steak Chalupas and a crunchy taco supreme.

5:43 pm 12/20: Have a nap.

8:00-9:00 pm 12/20: Catch up on My Name is Earl and The Office reruns.

9:06-9:38 pm 12/20: Look through high school football scrapbook and 1998 yearbook. Weep softly and quietly about the good ol' days.

9:39-9:52 pm 12/20: Look through 1998 yearbook and imagine all of the girls I wished I had snogged.

9:53-9:54 pm 12/20: Resist taking 1998 yearbook to the bathroom.

9:55-10:17 pm 12/20: Sort clothes by colors into heaps. Make my bed. Bag up the trash in my room.

10:25 pm 12/20: Head to the My Way Lounge for a couple of beers.

11:30 pm 12/20: Go to the little lady's place for Business Time.

8:27 am 12/21: Return home to put laundry in trash bags and shove as many as will fit into my closet.

8:42 am 12/21: Make three trips to the dumpster.

9:11-9:49 am 12/21: Peruse the year-end issue of Rolling Stone.

9:51 am 12/21: Depart to pick up GA Hill due to his absence of motor vehicle transportation.

10:16 am 12/21: Receive call from Big Boi declaring, "We might as well have dumped the trash on the floor and lit it on fire. The bitch is already gone."

She was there for five minutes. What a mindfuck. As you can tell, we put a hell of a lot of effort into this cleaning party.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

J Jones to the Cubs

I really didn't see that coming especially after the signing of Piere, but that seems like a good pick-up adding another solid fielder and batter. What do the Cubs fans think?

On a related note, I am sure you all saw that A.J. Pierzynski re-signed a three-year deal with the Sox. I suppose that means I have to put up with three more years of you all pissing and moaning about how much you hate him. Oh well, I suppose I'll just try to block it out with the memories of a World Series still fresh in my mind.

Enemy #1

What a pussy...I hope Corey McKeon rips his head off next year. For those of you without a rivals membership i thought i'd pass on how this chicken shit told the NU coaches...

"I learned on Monday night that Freeman didn't even call the Nebraska coaches to tell them he wasn't coming. With all the relationships and time Nebraska developed in recruiting with Freeman's all the staff received was a text message around 8 p.m. that said "We aren't coming...please don't call."

Monday, December 19, 2005

thanks for the hits

Since GA Hill's mention of my profile, the number of views has doubled. Tell your friends

SNL may be horrible...

but this is phenomenal in my humble opinion.


It's all about the hamilton's baby.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Happy Holidays

Pure Comedy, Long but very entertaining.


Looking at the number of times this page was generated over the last seven days in our Adsense account, it dawned on me--there is no way that just the people who contribute read/look at the blog.

So, as a test--if you are not a contributor to this blog, post a comment. Anything. One word. No words. Whatever. Just leave something to let us know you were here.

Or not. Whatever you want. But leave a comment.

Omaha Bar Rankings

1. The Homy Inn--This bar is so cool, I WISH it was my bar.
2. Barrett's--This is my bar.
3. The Holiday--A close second to Barrett's on being MY bar. These two are really the McGwire and Canseco of bars.
4. The Dubliner--Don't recall a bad time here, bonus for being downtown.
5. The Green Onion--Cool sunken bar, bad morning afters
6. The Old Dundee/49r (tie)--Great bars all in the same hood. Can't go wrong with a solid group of friends and cheap beer.
8. The My Way--So much to do, it's like the YMCA of bars, minus the homosexuals.
9. The Goofy Foot--If I actually went more, would be much higher
10. The Underwood--36 oz North Platte beers a sentimental fave.

The real Matt Leinhardt story

Hilarious because it is so true...

Speaking of that...has anyone else ever had the pleasure of being Gage's wing man? It's actually usually just the opposite of what the post says, see he takes the fat girl and you get the hottie. I loved being his wingman.

This Front Office Frustrates Me

As one of the few Royals fans in the country, I am outraged. Why? Because Allard Baird just signed Mark Grudzielanek and Doug Mientkiewicz (as well as Scott Elarton and Paul Bako, but they are inconsequential at best). I really wish this team would decide if they are in the midst of a youth movement or looking to veteran leadership. Everything I heard last year from the front office was that Buddy was brought in to mold this young group of potential stars (stop laughing...seriously, stop) and build a team from within the organization. Signing a 31- and 35-year-old to one year deals doesn't sound like youth movement signings. Do we even need to talk about Juan Gonzalez? No? Good. Whenever I hear Allard talk about the youth movement, the only thing that comes to mind is a quote from one of the classics: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means" (Inigo Montoya).

I Guess I'll Get the Ball Rolling

So, Deadspin has detailed the charges in the Sex Boat "scandal" (Note: I use quotes just because the media refers to it as such. My opinion: sounds like a good time). The comments made afterwards are especially hilarious.


Let's do some more hard-core blogging today. It's Friday--you ain't got shit to do, anyways.

Also, any out-of-towners please either e-mail me your address, or post it in the comments (I will delete the comment after I get the address down).

Thursday, December 15, 2005

WCW vs NWO Revisited

So I was sitting at Best Buy with a $50.00 gift certificate not knowing what to buy when I saw WWE Raw vs. Smackdown. I figure what the hell, aint my money and picked it up. I am telling you this game is fantastic. Its made by the same people who made WCW vs NWO for the 64 years ago (a wonderful high school flashback), and plays real similar. Last night we were playing the royal rumble for about 5 straight hours. This game is already the cause of one failed final and I predict at least one more before the week is over. You can play with 6 players at once (which is insane) and it is amazingly satisfying to see your character get his named called randomly and have him run out to the ring with his music pumping in the backround. I give it a solid A and John Cena gets an A++++.

U2 Tonight

If anyone is interested in U2 tickets tonight I can get 2 extras. They are $150 a ticket. Section 220.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Perfect Example of Why I Love Blogs

Is right here. It is called "The Sixth Tool," and it is written by an anonymous MLB scout. The only reason he does it, apparently, is because the team psychologist is making him do it as therapy.

Anyways, I know that the contributors here will love this, and I'm guessing our millions of readers will, too.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Sweet Christ,

Kentucky sucks. There. I beat everyone to it.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Throw This Number in Your Phone

To all the Heavy Soulers living in the Omaha metro area: The law firm of Hauptman, O'Brien, Wolf and Lathrop are doing the free cab thing again this year. But, to my knowledge, they have only done it around New Year's. However, they are offering it throughout the month of December. The number is (402) 339-8294 and be sure to tell them to charge it to the law firm. As a side note, they will not give you a ride back to your car in the morning (bummer).

Banner Day

I would just like to congratulate everyone on the excessive posting and commenting that took place yesterday.

Keep up the good work.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

See Ya Bitch

Pinch me, my day just got lots better. Good coach or not, Barnett is a huge D-bag!


Hot Stove

I apologize for my previous "YEEESSSSSS" post--it was done in haste (actually, I was so excited about it, I was late for a meeting just to post that quick). I think that it is time to break down where the Cubs are at right now.

1. Trade for Juan Pierre. This fills, what I believe, thier number one hole in the club. The Cubs with a legitimate leadoff hitter (let alone one that has a career OBP of around .350 and stole over 50 bases last season) is a completely different, and way better, team.

2. Free Agent signings. The addition of not one but two very good bullpen guys cures the Cubs' other Achille's Heel from last year. The bullpen was among the worst last year. Now, on paper, it is one of the best in the NL.

There is still work to be done. As of right now, there is no right fielder. However, there is the option of putting Patterson or Pierre in right, along with Matt Murton in left. Other options include the following hot rumors as of this afternoon:

1. The Mets are working hard to get Manny Ramirez. Apparently, they need a third team to complete the deal. The Cubs are being reported to be said team. It was reported by a USA Today reporter on Dan Patrick today that the Cubs would send 3 mid-level prospects (I heart Jim Hendry), the Mets get Manny, and the Cubs get Cliff Floyd. This would be an incredible trade--Cliff showed what he can do on a full, healthy season.

2. Milton Bradley. Ugg. Great talent, huge d-bag. I really hope this doesn't happen, but it has been confirmed by Dusty himself that he flew out to wherever Bradley lives in the offseason and talked to him about possibly coming to the Cubs.

3. Aubrey Huff. This would be the best option. Young, good defender, and actually has very comparable offensive stats to Aramis Ramirez--which I didn't believe until I looked at the numbers. He is a .300/30 HR/100 RBI-caliber player. I think he was right around that last year, except his average was around .270-.280.

Then there's shortstop. I think that people believe that because we were persuing Furcal so hard, the Cubs really needed a shortstop. They don't. They have 21-year-old Ronny Cedeno, who last year in the minors hit .355 with a .400+ OBP. He hit .300 with a .350+ OBP in 80 AB's for the Cubs last year (including hitting better in day games, which is an important split). He's got a solid glove, as well. The Cubs *need* to play him, along with Matt Murton. These two guys are the present and the future.

That's all I've got for now--can't wait for Spring Training! Wait 'till next year!


Let's go Bowlin'

Is anybody else giddy over this matchup? When i first heard about the matchup i was pissed because i just think that we are so over matched...but the more I think about it the more excited I am, this is a great opportunity to get back on the map. A win over Iowa wouldn't have done as much in terms of national respect that an upset of Meeeechigan will garner. What do we have to lose right now? All the streaks are gone, it's time to start rebuilding and to finish the season destroying the Puffs and upsetting the Wolverines would be just what the doctor ordered. Plus, I am so sick of hearing about the '97 game from Michigan people that it makes me want to puke, this is a chance to end that discussion...or at least quiet it and i'm all for that.
The thing that gives me hope is how much better we have been the games after bye weeks under Callahan. Wonder what he can do with 3 weeks to prepare? And let's be honest, the Nebraska kids are much more excited to play in this game than the underachievers from Meeeeechigan are. We've got a chance...

PS: I'm pissed i can't go...i've been to SA twice for Husker games (Big 12 title game and the Alamo Bowl butt kicking of Mich. St.)...if any of you are thinking about going, GO! The river walk is an absolute kick-ass party place. My fondest memory was when i was in the same dueling piano bar as Corso, Herby, and Fowler and tried to pay the piano dude $20 to sing the F@#$ Lee Corso song...I was pissed though because i don't think Lee even heard the piano guy say..."I'm sorry i don't know the F@#$ Lee Corso song"...the Nebraska fans loved it.



Why can't I just be happy?

I'm not sure if anyone watched this week's Arrested Development, but it was brilliant. I'm still just heartbroken over the decision to cancel it.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

It's Official....

GA is living in sin. I'm back in Omaha, so if you're in the neighborhood, give me a call.

The best of all? My neighborhood bar features the night-in, night-out regular Dean Wysocki (way off on the spelling), former North Platte weatherman! $4.50 pitchers, Dean W., sports.

So in other words? I'm doing pretty good.

Monday, December 05, 2005

No Need For a Legal Team, Just Hire This Guy

For my inaugural contribution to Heavy Soul, I didn't want to bitch and moan about anything in particular. Instead, I wanted to give the readers a look at the work of a guy who is pissed off at the idiocy of the world in which we live. His irritation level rivals that of Maddox. This guy at Pirate Bay runs a Swedish-based filesharing site. Of note on the site are his responses to corporations demanding that he cease his operations. To find these, click on "Legal Threats." Unfortunately, some of the emails and responses are in Swedish, but the English ones are spectacular. Let the comedy ensue.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

The Smoking Gun

I Just found these hot off the wire

Saturday, December 03, 2005

oops....I love this bar

Friday, December 02, 2005

For the good of the people

Big Boi Said it best, I love porn.......and Scotch. Dear Santa Clause please bring me the Jenna Anthology and Johnny Walker. If we are lucky the google gods will bring us Porn ads.

Link recommendations!

Upon Shearer's request, here are some of my favorite websites that hopefully all can enjoy:



www.thegreenonionisthespawnofsatan.com (A personal fave after last night)

www.johnmayer-mraz.edu (Sorry Mike, not to be confused with www.freeporn.net, it has to be coming)



http://petedatesacatholic.org (self help for the self loathing)




For everyone in the area, we are doing a little bit of what I like to call "going out" on Saturday. With Napa in town, it's time to probably get a little loose. We'll be at Dort's to start out for their Christmas Party at 6pm. Then away we'll go, where we'll stop, nobody knows!

311 vs. Creed



Since the Fuhrer decided Todd is a D-bag was a good enough quote to sit there for two months. I took it upon myself to become the quotes editor of our illustrious blog. I will try to put up a new quote every week, time permitting. Countdown: 71 hrs 5 min until the Evidence Final.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

I feel bad for the guy...

even if he did set Nebraska football back a couple of years.


The link is just a more in depth look on the whole Solich thing. Its pretty sad when you think about it. Instead of being with family and friends on Thanksgiving weekend Frank was by himself at a Mexican restaurant drinking himself unconscious.


he ya'll Sarah and I will be in omaha Saturday night, we all should hang out. Ya dig?

To Lighten It Up A Bit....

How funny is this meltdown going to be:

Sources: Farnsworth to sign with Yankees

I just can't stop giggling about this.

Rest In Peace

I don't even know how to go about this post, so I guess I'll just lay it out there.

A friend of many, Jessica Muton, passed away last night, along with her one-year-old son. She was married.

We had a freak snowstorm last night, and that's how it happened.

Please, Heavy Soulers--say a prayer for her husband and her family. She was a kind, wonderful soul. And a beautiful person.

I guess that this is as questionable as a post that we've had on the blog. But I think that it is important that people know--I know that several Heavy Soulers know who this is, and probaably are as broken up as I am about it.

Jessica, we miss you already. May God bless your soul.

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