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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Looking to win the lottery?

So Carol Ernst's husband died of heart failure, nothing new. Millions of men die of heart failure every year. Its sad but true. Of course, like any red blooded American, Carol decided to sue somebody for losing her husband. Her suit against Merck ended a week and a half ago and a Texas jury award her $253 million.

That number will be reduced as the mental anguish award was higher than similar cases and Texas puts a cap on punitive damages at twice pecuniary damages (the money Mr. Ernst would have earned if his ticker hadn't given out). In the end, Ms. Ernst will probably only get between 18 and 25 mil. The kicker is there are about 4300 similar cases pending against Merck right now, most of them in NJ which doesn't cap punitive damages. Investment bankers are currently predicting that Merck's product liability for Vioxx is going to breach $50 BILLION as more suits are filed (attorneys get between a 33 and 50% contingent fee: $17 - 25 Billion). Not only that, Merck says it is going to contest every single case. Merck's attorney costs for this case alone were $3 million. So in the end the lawyers and plaintiffs are going to make about $65 Billion off of the Pharmaceutical giant...Jackpot.

So boys, either become a litigator or go out and get every kind of pill you can think of. The recent word on the street is that Viagara and the other ED drugs are causing blindness, so if you feel like you could part with your eyesight for $15 million and want to have a constant erection like the MIB, start popping those little blue pills

Monday, August 22, 2005

No Fear or Loathing in Heaven

The ashes of gonzo journalist Hunter S Thompson have been blown into the sky from a cannon in Aspen, Colorado.
Friends and admirers had gathered for the event at the writer's US home, six months after he shot himself there.
His ashes were fired from a 150ft tower topped by a red fist with two thumbs - the symbol of Thompson's free-wheeling, first-person gonzo journalism.
Johnny Depp, who played Thompson in the film of his book Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, paid for the cannon.
Fireworks carrying the ashes of the writer exploded over the top of his memorial on his Owl Farm home.
"He loved explosions," Thompson's widow Anita said.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

The Peace Mom, huh?

Look, I understand that Cindy Sheehan lost her son. I can't imagine. I can't imagine if one of my good friends lost their lives in Iraq, let alone my own flesh and blood. However, it is time for this "Peace Mom" (as CNN loves to call her) to stop getting a free pass. Read this insane tirade (from Drudge Report):

"We are not waging a war on terror in this country. We’re waging a war of terror. The biggest terrorist in the world is George W. Bush!" So declared Cindy Sheehan earlier this year during a rally at San Francisco State University. Sheehan, who is demanding a second meeting with Bush, stated: "We are waging a nuclear war in Iraq right now. That country is contaminated. It will be contaminated for practically eternity now." Sheehan unleashed a foul-mouth tirade on April 27, 2005: "They’re a bunch of fucking hypocrites! And we need to, we just need to rise up..." Sheehan said of the Bush administration. "If George Bush believes his rhetoric and his bullshit, that this is a war for freedom and democracy, that he is spreading freedom and democracy, does he think every person he kills makes Iraq more free?" "The whole world is damaged. Our humanity is damaged. If he thinks that it’s so important for Iraq to have a U.S.-imposed sense of freedom and democracy, then he needs to sign up his two little party-animal girls. They need to go to this war." "We want our country back and, if we have to impeach everybody from George Bush down to the person who picks up dog shit in Washington, we will impeach all those people."

So George W. Bush is the biggest terrorist in the world, huh? I would like her to say that to the people who lost loved ones on 9/11, and see what they have to say about that. "We're waging a nuclear war in Iraq right now...." Huh??? We are? Man, that's crazy! I mean, I have been without internet access at work for about a week right now...I can't believe that this wescalatedded that quickly! That's astounding! There's a nice personal attack for his daughters who (God forbid) parited in college and decided to go to college instead of enlisting. And finally, a nice shot at people who work the grounds in Washington, D.C.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Read This Blog!


I don't know how these guys have the time to read every article written on baseball on the planet everyday just to completely rip said articles into shreds, but they do.

And it is hilarious. Here's a sample to whet the ol' appetite (the parts in quotes are from the article that is getting torn apart):

"Bonds told MLB.com that his doctors have recommended that he not try to play this year. His right knee, which underwent three arthroscopic procedures in the first five months of the year and was attacked by a severe infection, is still swollen. Get it completely healthy, the doctors told him, and come back strong next year."

Okay, well, that seems like as good a reason as any for sitting out.

"Bonds is not known for taking advice, but he’s going with the doctors on this one."

What? You're criticizing Barry Bonds for taking the advice of doctors? Are you some kind of Christian Scientist or something? "Hey, Lou Gehrig. Sack up, guy. I don't care how rare that disease is. The least you can do is pinch hit every few days. Take one for the team." "Dave Dravecky, you incredible pussy. Stop whining about your amputated left arm. You still got the right one don't you? Pick up a friggin' bat."

Nice Pitch, Oswalt!

I don't give two rat-craps as to the outcome of this game (it is the exciting time of the year where Cubs fans rabidly talk shit about little things within games because they know that is all that is left for us to do this season), but this:

Roy (Captain Control, the greatest pitcher in the National League, 50 times the pitcher as Mark Prior, etc.) Oswalt gave up a home run to Carlos Zambrano. He was batting left-handed.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Big XII Fantasy Time!

Here are the rules: 8 participants (Gage and I are already in) will compete in a no-defense, Big 12 only league consisting of teams of 1 QB, 2 RB, 2WR, 1TE, 1K and one bench player.

Gage is developing a spreadsheet which will be posted on this site every Monday after the games letting everyone know who the winners are.

The games will be decided by who has the most points using the following rules:
QB: 1 pt=20 yds of passing, 10 yds rushing. 6 pts=any TD -2 for INT or Fumble

RB, WR, and TE: 1 pt=10 yds of rushing, receiving, 6 pts= any TD -2 for INT or fumble

K: 1 pt for ex points, 3points for any FG less than 40, 4 for any FG more than 40

Teams are allowed only one bench player in order to make rosters in constant fluctuation.

Weekly, games will be played head to head between league members. Then 6 teams will enter into a three week Big 12 fantasy playoff where the top two seeds will receive byes into the semifinals.

Roster moves will be made by email request IN ORDER to an account to be developed later.

The draft will take place prior to the beginning of the season, hopefully online if we can work it out.

I realize there is still some grey area which requires patience due to the bold innovation of such a league. A small fee will be required. Let me know who wants in or if there are any major issues not addressed.

Monday, August 15, 2005

My latest relapse

Remember those first few times you got really drunk. Maybe it was high school. For some it was your first few hours of college. Anyway, if you are anything like me, and I know you are because I know each and everyone who will ever read this post, those first libations changed everything. You got loud. You got obnoxious. You got sick. Maybe you got drunk and were convinced to jump off a balcony into a snowdrift. Maybe you gained a penchant for getting naked and jumping into pools regardless of the company present. Perhaps one one or two occasions you ate vegetables directly from the can or possibly in a blended concoction of semi-thawed turkey pot pie and bananas. Maybe you drank till all hours of the night.

This too, passed. You grew out of this initial phase. Your tolerance grew. You recognized your limits. You learned that your voice grew louder in direct proportion to the number of drinks you had. You started looking like something out of a scotch commercial. Suave, debonair, packing heat.

I had learned these valuable lessons. I had matured with my quarter century. Err, wait a minute. Over the course of the past couple of seasons, I have proved myself wrong. I have chugged Captain Morgan strait from the bottle and then jumped into a hot tub by myself. Yeah, it was uncomfortable for each and every one of the 30 onlookers. I was fine with it. For Christ's sake, I just challenged a half German soccer player to shots and headbutts. I lost. I know, it happens to all of us, but after a wedding reception? Really? Don't worry about me, the scar will heal. I would have had it stitched, but Perkins was right next door.

Learn from my relapse: Know your limits. Then get together with your good friends and hump those limits in the butt. Everyone will love it. It'll be like you're 18 again (or in my case 9).

See, I can't even finish this post because I have to go drink. Awesome. Please help.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Dan Johnson

This guy is everywhere right now. Seems like there is an article popping up about him in every major sports section.
Here's a good one from Gary Miller of ESPN
I've just got to say how great I think this is though. DJ is one of the players that we all went to college with and one of the Buck Beltzer bombers who helped us all fall in love with Husker Baseball Fever.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Bad Day

I thought I was having a hell of a day, when Kyle and I decided to go hit up a couple of Philly's at Barrette's. To my surprise Captain Control Mark Prior gave up a single and two walks in the first. . . .don't know how that ended (Grand Slam) but I imagine that everyone favorite Allstar got out of the jam.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Say Goodbye....

to the Worm. That's right, Danny Whitney is getting married Friday.

Rest in peace.

Bad News...

If it hadn't been assumed already, "Chappelle's Show" is over, according to Charley Murphy.

Darkness compared it to being the "Tupac of TV shows." While I laughed at first, it does make sense--gone right at the top of its game, right at its height of popularity.

It is too bad; "Chappelle's Show" was a great, great moment in American comedy history--one of the absolute best. It was also culturally significant, as it was the only true forum where race in American was talked about frankly and honestly (even if it was in the form of jokes).

It will be a long time before anyone catches lightning in a bottle like Dave Chappelle did.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Best Athlete Quote

I didn't think it could ever happen, but Randy Moss's qoute of "straight cash homey" has been dethroned.

Right after the trade deadline Manny Ramirez was talking to reporters and this is what he said, "I'm still here. I'm here to win. I'm here to help this team win for 2005. I'm just here to play and win. I'm a gangster."

I'm a gangster? The way the ESPN reporter said the qoute was drop dead hilarious and I now plan on ending all my statements with, "I'm a gangsta."


Monday, August 01, 2005


Now, this is not a homer post, although it is certainly about my favorite baseball player of all time. For those of you that did not catch Ryne Sandberg's Hall of Fame speech, you can read it here.

Considering that Ryno basically was a mute during his career, this speech was truly remarkable. The Hall of Fame is usually a time when a guy gets up there and talks about his career, thanks a bunch of people, and calls it good. And Ryno does do that. But he does it in the context of respect for the game. And does so brilliantly.

What makes it such a fantastic speech is the fact that it can really hit home in any arena of life. It's not just about baseball; it is about how a man should act in life. It has been said many, many times that what makes baseball so great is because the lessons you learn from the game translate to life so well. That is why, no matter what anyone says, baseball will ALWAYS be our National Pastime. That is, as long as people like Ryno come along down the road.

But please, take a minute to read it. It is great stuff.

The tightest pants in baseball...

are making their way to Atlanta.
Yep, that's right Kyle Farnsworth is a Brave after a last minute deadline trade with the Tigers. Why does Schuerholz always do this to me...I make fun of a Cub's player for years and than they torture me by making him a Brave...same thing happened to me last year when they signed Alfonseca (i'll admit though, i eventually fell in love with the 6th finger). Should be interesting to see what the ladies of hotlanta think of Kyle and his tight panted bulge.

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