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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Looking to win the lottery?

So Carol Ernst's husband died of heart failure, nothing new. Millions of men die of heart failure every year. Its sad but true. Of course, like any red blooded American, Carol decided to sue somebody for losing her husband. Her suit against Merck ended a week and a half ago and a Texas jury award her $253 million.

That number will be reduced as the mental anguish award was higher than similar cases and Texas puts a cap on punitive damages at twice pecuniary damages (the money Mr. Ernst would have earned if his ticker hadn't given out). In the end, Ms. Ernst will probably only get between 18 and 25 mil. The kicker is there are about 4300 similar cases pending against Merck right now, most of them in NJ which doesn't cap punitive damages. Investment bankers are currently predicting that Merck's product liability for Vioxx is going to breach $50 BILLION as more suits are filed (attorneys get between a 33 and 50% contingent fee: $17 - 25 Billion). Not only that, Merck says it is going to contest every single case. Merck's attorney costs for this case alone were $3 million. So in the end the lawyers and plaintiffs are going to make about $65 Billion off of the Pharmaceutical giant...Jackpot.

So boys, either become a litigator or go out and get every kind of pill you can think of. The recent word on the street is that Viagara and the other ED drugs are causing blindness, so if you feel like you could part with your eyesight for $15 million and want to have a constant erection like the MIB, start popping those little blue pills

I'll take your challenge Big Boi. With the help of our morally corrupt friend, Dr. Dickhead, I will divert my appetite from double cheeseboogies to little blue pills. And purple ones. And gelcaps. I don't even need a glass of water to swallow pills. Hugh Hefner says that Viagra is the best recreational drug on the market. Shit, I'm gonna trust him--he should know. And if you haven't noticed, I am not a healthy man. I'm sure I could get some pills legitimately. Does anyone know if fen-phen is still available? Are there any stop smoking aides that have any lawsuits pending? I don't know why I didn't jump on this earlier, but I saw that there is a class action suit against the makers of Extenz and Longitude, the jumbo-jimmy pills. Too bad I didn't have a low self opinion of my wang chung before that stuff went off of the market. I am open to suggestions. If anyone can find some questionable prescriptions with mild to non-fatal side effects, let me know. I doubt I'll be effected. I mean, I already have constant diarrhea (haven't shit solid since high school). I have a natural immunity to chicken pox and I've never broken a bone in my body. I say bring it on. In fact, I'll challenge any pharmaceutical company to make a drug that will maim my superhuman immune system. If I don't croak, they pay up. And I'm talkin' big time. Powerball Bitches!!!! The Muthafuckin' MIB is gonna get paid.
This world is quite the big place and to encounter a story such as this one just puts me out of my ordinary. I gotta hand it to whoever wrote this, you've really kept me updated! Now, let's just hope that I can come across another blog just as interesting.
Thank you for the information.
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