Wednesday, February 06, 2008
The Real Sesame Street
So this morning I got up to go to class, found out it was a snowday, and then climbed back into bed and turned on the TV. I watched Mr. Warmth on HBO Family last night and so when I turned on the TV, Sesame Street: Follow that Bird was in full swing. I remembered that Waylon Jennings made an appearance as the truck driver and sang a song with Big Bird so I decided to wait around to see that part. Unfortunately for me, I missed that portion of the movie. However, I did have a few observations about the show that everyone watched when they were a kid.
First, Sesame Street was a dump. That place looks like a Warsaw ghetto after Kristallnacht. Its supposed to be somewhere in Brooklyn. Yeah, Brooklyn after the Apocolypse. There are monsters running around eating everything in sight and a vampire roams the street counting the number of children loitering on the sidewalks. Kids shouldn't be on the streets in a neighborhood like that.
Second, what the fuck is a honker? Who came up with these things? They might be the single most annoying fictional creation in history.
Third, what do Maria, Gordon, Susan, etc. (the humans on the show) do? They teach little kids who hang out on the street during the middle of the day lessons about numbers and letters. Shouldn't they be concerned that the kids are hanging out on a street corner instead of being in school on a school day? Somehow, they also have the ability to go off searching for an eight foot bird for months. Who pays the rent and the bills? Are they independently wealthy or something? Are the street lessons a simple way for them to sling dope?
Fourth, there is no doubt that Bert and Ernie were gay.
Fifth, I didn't remember this until watching today, there were several grouches besides Oscar on Sesame Street. They act like a homeless, street gang. They all live in trash cans, talk shit to everyone they're around, and exhibit an overall air of invincibility. They should have just given each a 9 mm and a pair of Jordan's.
Sixth, Sesame was better when we were watching and Elmo didn't really exist yet.
Seventh, WHAT THE FUCK IS GROVER?
Finally, the Sleaze Brothers (played by Dave Thomas of Strange Brew and SCTV fame and Joe Flaherty who was also on SCTV) might be the most evil characters ever created. These guys created an entire carnival with the purpose of conning little kids out of money. They rigged games, denied refunds, and tried to get as much money as they could while providing the least amount of benefit to their customers. The only thing worse than that is the Disney Corp.
First, Sesame Street was a dump. That place looks like a Warsaw ghetto after Kristallnacht. Its supposed to be somewhere in Brooklyn. Yeah, Brooklyn after the Apocolypse. There are monsters running around eating everything in sight and a vampire roams the street counting the number of children loitering on the sidewalks. Kids shouldn't be on the streets in a neighborhood like that.
Second, what the fuck is a honker? Who came up with these things? They might be the single most annoying fictional creation in history.
Third, what do Maria, Gordon, Susan, etc. (the humans on the show) do? They teach little kids who hang out on the street during the middle of the day lessons about numbers and letters. Shouldn't they be concerned that the kids are hanging out on a street corner instead of being in school on a school day? Somehow, they also have the ability to go off searching for an eight foot bird for months. Who pays the rent and the bills? Are they independently wealthy or something? Are the street lessons a simple way for them to sling dope?
Fourth, there is no doubt that Bert and Ernie were gay.
Fifth, I didn't remember this until watching today, there were several grouches besides Oscar on Sesame Street. They act like a homeless, street gang. They all live in trash cans, talk shit to everyone they're around, and exhibit an overall air of invincibility. They should have just given each a 9 mm and a pair of Jordan's.
Sixth, Sesame was better when we were watching and Elmo didn't really exist yet.
Seventh, WHAT THE FUCK IS GROVER?
Finally, the Sleaze Brothers (played by Dave Thomas of Strange Brew and SCTV fame and Joe Flaherty who was also on SCTV) might be the most evil characters ever created. These guys created an entire carnival with the purpose of conning little kids out of money. They rigged games, denied refunds, and tried to get as much money as they could while providing the least amount of benefit to their customers. The only thing worse than that is the Disney Corp.
Labels: Annoying, Big Bird, Gay Puppets, Sesame Street, Waylon Jennings
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Where do they find these guys?
While watching Jim Rome yesterday, one of his guest was explaining why the Yankees were still in the playoff hunt. His reasoning was that the AL Central was a weak division and the Yankees would be able to capture the wild card from them. What? Did I miss something? He made his point so emphatically that I had to double check the standings. Every team in the Central, except KC of course, is over .500 and has a winning record against East and West opponents. How could he make such a ridiculous claim and not get called out on it? How do these sports experts know so little? How do you confuse the strongest division as being the weakest? If your job was sports and you were going on a nationally televised show, wouldn’t you do a little homework first? I don’t know, maybe take a quick glance at the standings before going on air. It also pisses me off that no one is calling out the AL East as being weak. Why the fuck not? They only have one team over .500 and their second best team is Baltimore. Now that is a weak division.
Labels: Annoying, baseball, Douche Bags, ESPN sucks
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Stating the REALLY Obvious: Mike & Mike In The Morning Is Really Annoying
Again, I feel like I'm just pissing in the wind here, but...Mike Greenberg is really, really annoying.
This morning he breathlessly threw out the hyperbole:
"Alex Rodriguez is having the best start to a season in the history of baseball."
Jesus Christ. How can you be just months from completely throwing this guy under the bus to hero-worshipping him? Especially when it is ultimately leading to the Yankees having an 8-10 record and 4 games back from first (sitting in fourth place, half a game in front of Tampa Bay)?
Not only that, but can we really say this is the best start to a season ever? I mean, I'm sure ol' Greeny poured over hours of web time on Baseball Prospectus and everything, but I'm guessing that there have been similar starts. Hell, here are some in very recent history. I'll have a little guessing game...I left out the games played and home runs here because it would be obvious:
Any guesses? Would you say, looking at these stats (in order to see them better, click on the picture and you can actually read the numbers), that one line is the "best start in the history of baseball?" Of course you wouldn't. You wouldn't because, dear Heavy Souler, you are one of sound judgement and rational opinion-making.
So, have you decided who applies to what line? Like I said, these stat lines are from recent history. And when I say recent history, I mean the years 2005, 2006, and 2007. The players are Derrek Lee (2005), Albert Pujols (2006), and A-Rod (2007).
How could you possibly suggest that the greatest start in the history of Major League Baseball--keep in mind, that spans over 131 years--could be incredibly similar to the best starts of the past two years? If it were the best start in the history of baseball, A-Rod's numbers would be about 20% better in virtually every category over the best starts of the past two years. In fact, I would argue that--unless A-Rod stays as hot or gets hotter over the next six games remaining in April--Albert Pujols had the all-around better month. And Derrek Lee's 2005 start could certainly be favorably compared, especially in the "pure hitter" sense.
Again, to people like Mike Greenberg and the majority of those at ESPN, all that matters is the East Coast, and in baseball, that just means Boston and New York. As long as a player hits a bunch of home runs in the month of April and they have a "B" or a "NY" on their hat, it translates into "the greatest start in baseball history."
It is utterly ridiculous, and beyond me that these guys NEVER get called out on stuff like this by ANYONE that joins them on the air. In the era of instant gratification and the need to have up-to-the-minute news five minutes ago, these type of people get a free pass. Well, not anymore, fuckers! Heavy Soul is on your ass!
This morning he breathlessly threw out the hyperbole:
"Alex Rodriguez is having the best start to a season in the history of baseball."
Jesus Christ. How can you be just months from completely throwing this guy under the bus to hero-worshipping him? Especially when it is ultimately leading to the Yankees having an 8-10 record and 4 games back from first (sitting in fourth place, half a game in front of Tampa Bay)?
Not only that, but can we really say this is the best start to a season ever? I mean, I'm sure ol' Greeny poured over hours of web time on Baseball Prospectus and everything, but I'm guessing that there have been similar starts. Hell, here are some in very recent history. I'll have a little guessing game...I left out the games played and home runs here because it would be obvious:
Any guesses? Would you say, looking at these stats (in order to see them better, click on the picture and you can actually read the numbers), that one line is the "best start in the history of baseball?" Of course you wouldn't. You wouldn't because, dear Heavy Souler, you are one of sound judgement and rational opinion-making.
So, have you decided who applies to what line? Like I said, these stat lines are from recent history. And when I say recent history, I mean the years 2005, 2006, and 2007. The players are Derrek Lee (2005), Albert Pujols (2006), and A-Rod (2007).
How could you possibly suggest that the greatest start in the history of Major League Baseball--keep in mind, that spans over 131 years--could be incredibly similar to the best starts of the past two years? If it were the best start in the history of baseball, A-Rod's numbers would be about 20% better in virtually every category over the best starts of the past two years. In fact, I would argue that--unless A-Rod stays as hot or gets hotter over the next six games remaining in April--Albert Pujols had the all-around better month. And Derrek Lee's 2005 start could certainly be favorably compared, especially in the "pure hitter" sense.
Again, to people like Mike Greenberg and the majority of those at ESPN, all that matters is the East Coast, and in baseball, that just means Boston and New York. As long as a player hits a bunch of home runs in the month of April and they have a "B" or a "NY" on their hat, it translates into "the greatest start in baseball history."
It is utterly ridiculous, and beyond me that these guys NEVER get called out on stuff like this by ANYONE that joins them on the air. In the era of instant gratification and the need to have up-to-the-minute news five minutes ago, these type of people get a free pass. Well, not anymore, fuckers! Heavy Soul is on your ass!
Labels: Albert Pujols, Alex Rodriguez, Annoying, baseball, Chicago Cubs, Derrek Lee, Douche Bags, ESPN, Mike and Mike in the Morning, New York Yankees, St. Louis Cardinals, Statistics, Sucking
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Heads Up
I switched the blog to the "New Blogger" (and when I say "I switched the blog to the 'New Blogger,' I mean "I didn't have a choice."). You'll have to sign up for a Google account in order to sign in and do stuff.
UPDATE: I will say I love the label feature. Try to remember to use this; it is much easier to find old posts that you want to taunt people for writing (Kyle).
UPDATE: I will say I love the label feature. Try to remember to use this; it is much easier to find old posts that you want to taunt people for writing (Kyle).
Term Papers
