A few months back, March 7th specifically, I graded the Christmas presents I bought for myself on this very blog. As promised, here is the progress report of my gifts to myself.

Print edition of the The Onion. I thought it would be a pretty sweet gift and I wasn't far off. The street cred you get from having the latest edition on your coffee table is unmistakable. However, when the only beings that see it are cats and ashtrays, the street cred becomes a moot point. The page 4 editorial is usually the funniest thing I read every week and the a/v club section usually reviews some shit I'm interested in. And sometimes I even enjoy the Savage Love column on the back page. For the most part though, the paper just clutters up an already cluttered apartment. Adjusted grade: B-

The SNL Ultimate collection. I still don't think I've watched all of them. (Which I might do today because the footbal games aren't that interesting right now.) That first week was pretty sweet with the Eddie Murphy and Dana Carvey and comedians of that nature, but I think I shot my load early by watching what I thought would be the best first. Adjusted grade: Incomplete.

One-year subscription to Spin. I sometimes forget I even spent the ten bucks on this. I don't even know how these fuckos stay in business. I think you are supposed to send magazines at the same time every month. Or at least once a month. ANGER! LOUD NOISES! Adjusted grade: EMB

If you guys want, I can list my Christmas wishlist so that you guys won't have to read my whines.