Wednesday, January 11, 2006
A couple days too late, but hilarious all the same
Corey Patterson was traded for a bag of smashed assholes this week to the O's (what is their marketing angle in Baltimore? "Come see a really unhappy former MVP who might have been on steriods and some under-performing assholes from the Cubs--who each in their own right somehow made that sorry excuse for a franchise worse--that we inexplicitly trade for every year!).
Before that, though, The Heckler put up these other potential trade partners and their offers for ol' C-Pat.
Top 10 Corey Patterson trade proposals
The Daily Heckle, Saturday, January 7, 2006
10) Milwaukee Brewers – a case of Miller High Life and sausage to be named later
9) St. Louis Cardinals – Gimpy, the lame Clydesdale that never pulls his share
8) New York Mets – Mr. Met and some cigarettes
7) Maine East High School – A bucket of old batting practice balls and a tubby .215-hitting freshman catcher
6) Baltimore Orioles – Sammy Sosa's leftover corked bats
5) Detroit Tigers – Kyle Farnsworth's leftover little black book
4) L.A. Angels of Anaheim – Two or three Molina brothers
3) White Sox – Paul Konerko's half-gallon bottle of ice blue Aqua Velva
2) Cleveland Indians – "Wild Thing" Ricky Vaughn and Willie Mays Hayes
1) San Francisco Giants – Three of those kayak dudes from McCovey Cove
Before that, though, The Heckler put up these other potential trade partners and their offers for ol' C-Pat.
Top 10 Corey Patterson trade proposals
The Daily Heckle, Saturday, January 7, 2006
10) Milwaukee Brewers – a case of Miller High Life and sausage to be named later
9) St. Louis Cardinals – Gimpy, the lame Clydesdale that never pulls his share
8) New York Mets – Mr. Met and some cigarettes
7) Maine East High School – A bucket of old batting practice balls and a tubby .215-hitting freshman catcher
6) Baltimore Orioles – Sammy Sosa's leftover corked bats
5) Detroit Tigers – Kyle Farnsworth's leftover little black book
4) L.A. Angels of Anaheim – Two or three Molina brothers
3) White Sox – Paul Konerko's half-gallon bottle of ice blue Aqua Velva
2) Cleveland Indians – "Wild Thing" Ricky Vaughn and Willie Mays Hayes
1) San Francisco Giants – Three of those kayak dudes from McCovey Cove
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Is there any fan base worse than the Cubs?
A year ago Sosa left. The fan base who use to defend his terrible defense, defend his huge strikeout numbers, and even defend his corked bat all of a sudden hate the guy and he needs to go. Now the same thing with Corey. I remember when he hit 3 homeruns in one game against the Mets and all the Cub fans came out talking about what a great guy he was, how he was young and is only going to get better, and how he was the future. 2 years later the fans hate him and take cheap shots at him while he is on his way out.
You should start working on your jokes about Prior cause he is probably leaving next.
A year ago Sosa left. The fan base who use to defend his terrible defense, defend his huge strikeout numbers, and even defend his corked bat all of a sudden hate the guy and he needs to go. Now the same thing with Corey. I remember when he hit 3 homeruns in one game against the Mets and all the Cub fans came out talking about what a great guy he was, how he was young and is only going to get better, and how he was the future. 2 years later the fans hate him and take cheap shots at him while he is on his way out.
You should start working on your jokes about Prior cause he is probably leaving next.
I hate him because he has an awful attitude, and refused to play winter ball to get his swing back.
Go fuck yourself, Kyle. I'm so sick of your judgements on me/Cub fans. You don't know shit about it. You don't follow them like I do. If you did, you would realize that he was a giant piece of shit last year.
Do I feel bad for him that he got booed relentlessly last year? Yes. But he did nothing to change the perception that he is a spoiled baby. Which he is. Which is why Cub fans are now happy he is gone.
Same with Sosa--it was easy to defend him in years past because he was the Dominican Ernie Banks. He was always smiling, always busting his ass, etc. When all the stories came out about him being a clubhouse cancer and leaving games early, that shocked a lot of people (including yours truly). And I, along with 99% of Cubdom, turned on him. How couldn't you? It turns out he was a huge reason there were so many problems behind the scenes with a team that was much better than the outcome in 2004.
If you're a good guy, you'll forever be in the Cubs' fans good graces. I know plenty of Cub fans that will watch Red Sox games when Clement pitches. I know EVERY Cub fan was rooting for Arizona in the WS when Mark Grace played for him. EVERY Cub fan rooted for Andre Dawson in those dismal last years with the Marlins. Lots of Cub fans root for the Giants when they're not playing the Cubs, because Moises Alou plays for him.
So save that "holier than thou" bullshit, Kyle. You root for a team whose fans only show up when Roger Clemens is pitching, or if they're in the playoffs. I actually kind of feel sorry for you.
Go fuck yourself, Kyle. I'm so sick of your judgements on me/Cub fans. You don't know shit about it. You don't follow them like I do. If you did, you would realize that he was a giant piece of shit last year.
Do I feel bad for him that he got booed relentlessly last year? Yes. But he did nothing to change the perception that he is a spoiled baby. Which he is. Which is why Cub fans are now happy he is gone.
Same with Sosa--it was easy to defend him in years past because he was the Dominican Ernie Banks. He was always smiling, always busting his ass, etc. When all the stories came out about him being a clubhouse cancer and leaving games early, that shocked a lot of people (including yours truly). And I, along with 99% of Cubdom, turned on him. How couldn't you? It turns out he was a huge reason there were so many problems behind the scenes with a team that was much better than the outcome in 2004.
If you're a good guy, you'll forever be in the Cubs' fans good graces. I know plenty of Cub fans that will watch Red Sox games when Clement pitches. I know EVERY Cub fan was rooting for Arizona in the WS when Mark Grace played for him. EVERY Cub fan rooted for Andre Dawson in those dismal last years with the Marlins. Lots of Cub fans root for the Giants when they're not playing the Cubs, because Moises Alou plays for him.
So save that "holier than thou" bullshit, Kyle. You root for a team whose fans only show up when Roger Clemens is pitching, or if they're in the playoffs. I actually kind of feel sorry for you.
I am just saying that I have noticed that Cub fans either love or hate a player and it can change at the blink of an eye. Sosa was a big one. The guy owned the city, MJ was gone and Sosa stepped in. Next minute he is hated? I just don't understand how that can happen so quickly. Did Sosa really change that much? I don't think so, I think he just stopped putting up 50 homeruns every year so the fans turned on him. It doesn't make sense to me that a guy is a Good clubhouse guy the first 14 years of his career and then becomes a cancer. Barry Bonds was always a cancer, Sheffield was always a cancer, Rocker always a cancer. I can't think of one player in baseball that after playing a decade and a half then became club house poisen.
He always was, as it turns out. Cub fans either didn't know it, or tried to turn a blind eye to it.
When you get caught for cheating, have terrible stories come out about from "unnamed teammates," leave early from the last game of the most disappointing season in a long time, etc etc etc, people will turn on you.
I don't think anyone in New York is going to go around and say how much they love Sheff--they're happy he is on their team because he's sweet, but that is about that.
Sammy Sosa had all of Chicago and most of the US fooled into believing he was just a lucky guy that got to play baseball. When in reality, he was the biggest cock in the world.
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When you get caught for cheating, have terrible stories come out about from "unnamed teammates," leave early from the last game of the most disappointing season in a long time, etc etc etc, people will turn on you.
I don't think anyone in New York is going to go around and say how much they love Sheff--they're happy he is on their team because he's sweet, but that is about that.
Sammy Sosa had all of Chicago and most of the US fooled into believing he was just a lucky guy that got to play baseball. When in reality, he was the biggest cock in the world.
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