Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Weekend Followup
I have the following quick comments from a drunken weekend on the Apple River in Wisconsin.
1. If you are ever in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, you must play mini-golf at Action City. Just a brilliant course, one of my personal favorites. Plus, the owner was very interested in the course and asked our opinion of things when the round was over. It's a new course and their goal is to constantly improve it. I'm sure I'll have drunken conversations with many of you about some of their great ideas.
2. Apple River in Wisconsin should have a national reputation. It's like spring break on the river. Thousands of people, lots of binge drinking, lots of exposed breasts. It's insane.
3. You should memorize your credit card number. I was able to save part of a day when we started to run low on beer and we were all in our trunks and I snagged two cases by telling the girl working the counter my number verbally.
4. You should all be proud of the people I was with. We talked a kid into throwing his Texas hat into our fire in the middle of the night, primarily by using the argument that Texas sucks and burning stuff is cool.
5. The soundtrack of white trash is country music and anything that was in the motion picture Dazed and Confused. And I was disappointed in myself when I couldn't remember the words to a Hank Jr. song this weekend. I need to dust off the cobwebs.
1. If you are ever in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, you must play mini-golf at Action City. Just a brilliant course, one of my personal favorites. Plus, the owner was very interested in the course and asked our opinion of things when the round was over. It's a new course and their goal is to constantly improve it. I'm sure I'll have drunken conversations with many of you about some of their great ideas.
2. Apple River in Wisconsin should have a national reputation. It's like spring break on the river. Thousands of people, lots of binge drinking, lots of exposed breasts. It's insane.
3. You should memorize your credit card number. I was able to save part of a day when we started to run low on beer and we were all in our trunks and I snagged two cases by telling the girl working the counter my number verbally.
4. You should all be proud of the people I was with. We talked a kid into throwing his Texas hat into our fire in the middle of the night, primarily by using the argument that Texas sucks and burning stuff is cool.
5. The soundtrack of white trash is country music and anything that was in the motion picture Dazed and Confused. And I was disappointed in myself when I couldn't remember the words to a Hank Jr. song this weekend. I need to dust off the cobwebs.
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The Apple River is indeed incredible. I went there en route to the HORDE Festival when I was 15 (strangely, the future Mrs. GA Hill was at the same show, and both sets of our parents can still not believe they let us go to a hippy concert hundreds of miles away when we were only 15. I digress...).
Openly drinking on the river, we were pulled aside at an "intersection" in the river by two scary men with a thousand tatoos, accompanied by two equally scary women with a hundred tatoos. It was Dr. Dickhead's 16th birthday a couple of days before this concert. This is relevant because as the scary foursome pulled us aside, they revealed why they picked us: we had beers. So, the man with a thousand tatoos and five teeth says "TELL YOU WHAT, BOYS! Fer every beer you give us, these girls will show you their tits!"
Now, this is frightening on several levels, especially for a very virgin group of 15-year-olds. Now, granted, one of the ladies was hot in her own really trashy way. The other one, however...well, let's just say she was a hundred pounds away from a ton. Not thin. Nor attractive.
Anyways, as we're nodding furiously "no" to the tatooed men, Dr. Dickhead's brother certainly saw this as an opportunity to scare the shit out of his high schooler brother and friends. He said "Paul...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BUDDY!" and promptly threw the guy four beers.
Sadly, the ladies fulfilled their end of the deal, and promptly raised tops.
*shiver*
Other than that, though, it was fantastically trashy and wonderful.
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Openly drinking on the river, we were pulled aside at an "intersection" in the river by two scary men with a thousand tatoos, accompanied by two equally scary women with a hundred tatoos. It was Dr. Dickhead's 16th birthday a couple of days before this concert. This is relevant because as the scary foursome pulled us aside, they revealed why they picked us: we had beers. So, the man with a thousand tatoos and five teeth says "TELL YOU WHAT, BOYS! Fer every beer you give us, these girls will show you their tits!"
Now, this is frightening on several levels, especially for a very virgin group of 15-year-olds. Now, granted, one of the ladies was hot in her own really trashy way. The other one, however...well, let's just say she was a hundred pounds away from a ton. Not thin. Nor attractive.
Anyways, as we're nodding furiously "no" to the tatooed men, Dr. Dickhead's brother certainly saw this as an opportunity to scare the shit out of his high schooler brother and friends. He said "Paul...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BUDDY!" and promptly threw the guy four beers.
Sadly, the ladies fulfilled their end of the deal, and promptly raised tops.
*shiver*
Other than that, though, it was fantastically trashy and wonderful.
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