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Friday, November 16, 2007

While the atagonizing is hot...

While living in Omaha, I remember how much fun it was to take shits on Creighton and her fans. They played the role of spoiled step-sister so perfectly, it was almost too easy to humiliate them for their faults. They were like the guys who took Beer League softball a bit too seriously. (Are two batting gloves really necessary?)

In all of the commotion of relocating to Central Iowa, I didn't even realize I was missing a nemesis. I needed one. Superman would have never had the opportunities to save the world if Lex Luthor wasn't trying to destroy it.

I soon realized nemeses aren't something you can just choose. They have to engage in unprovoked prickery. Iowa State didn't seem devious enough. Sure they've had some upset wins (I hate you, 1992), but good for them. Everyone has a place in their hearts for their country mouse cousins, don't they?

All of the frothing at the mouth that Creighton caused pointed me towards Drake. MVC? Check. Overpriced, small private school? Check. These guys were fitting the bill until I learned that they had a football team (a real live one!) named the Bulldogs. No way I can root against the mighty Bulldogs. Consider yourself lucky, Drake. I had a dozen years worth of heartwrenching insults headed your way.

University of Northern Iowa? They play in a dome. Pussies. Their logo also looks much more like a purple muskrat then a panther. Stupid. Notable alums: Kurt Warner, Dennis Burkle. Push. Burk Dog just saved you from ridicule.

Guess who that leaves? Yup. Iowa. The entire state.

Not only does Drake have a non-scholarship Division I-AA football team, but the team has been powered by 5-5 Vietnamese-American running back Scott Phaydavong for the last four years. He's like a private-school Danny Woodhead.

You should jump on the Drake bandwagon. The basketball team features the worst Korver brother, Dr. Tom Davis's son Keno as coach, and no players taller than 6-8. They actually went to the Final Four in 1969 if that changes anything for you.
I could not strongly encourage enough your stance on Iowa. Keep it up.

And teach those assholes how to drive while you're over there.
I have to admit that I enjoy the holy hell out of Drake athletics in my brief time in Des Moines.
You can still hate Creighton, trust me, geography makes no difference.
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