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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

In other news, the sky is blue

In the least interesting and predictable item the Weird Herald has published since Mike Kelley's last column, some unlucky bastard got a DUI at 7:20 AM on St. Patty's Day.

St. Patty's Day or not, it's Monday at 7:20 AM. That's something to tell the grandkid's about.

What I find most remarkable is not the perpetrator's utter ignorance to drinking and driving on such a heavily patrolled holiday, but the fact that Omaha has a law in place, I believe, that means establishments can't begin to serve alcohol until 6AM.

This means our drunken assailant on the roadways did one of three things:

a. Began drinking at a private residence before 6AM
b. Managed to get himself over the legal limit in a timeframe that could not have exceeded longer than 1 hour and 20 minutes. On a Monday morning. Between 6 and 7:20. Jesus.
c. is Robert Downey Jr.

Congrats on your milestone, drunken Omaha bastard!

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Comments:
You forgot the most likely scenario.

Tied a serious one on Sunday night and was driving to work Monday morning.

Perhpas he had a staff meeting?
 
As I was driving a friend home last night at about 10:30ish last night, standing on the corner of 50th and poppleton roughly and drunken old man with a beard to end all beards was waving at cars driving down the street. Normally I would pass this off as somewhat funny, but more sad until I realized that he had some sort of green beaded device with a flashing (i'm gonna take a stab and say alchol branded) contraption on. This made the situation hilarious in addition to making me never want to celebrate St. Patrick's Day ever again.
 
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