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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Well That's An Interesting Way To Give Someone A Company Car

This story is incredible, on a couple levels. First of all, it's probably about a 10 on a hilarity level, but then it is a 10 on a "holy shit, what a cool deal" level.

Apparently the Cubs pitching staff decided to have some fun with their strength and conditioning coach...and he reaped the rewards of putting up with one of their pranks:

When the Cubs began practice in the morning, Aramis Ramirez pointed to a wrecked '95 Nissan Sentra near the Cubs bullpen and asked: "Hey 'Bussy,' what's your car doing on the ramp?"

Buss looked over at the wreck and replied: "That's not my car."

But then Buss did a double take.

"Dude," he said to Ramirez. "That's my car!"

Buss soon discovered his car was demolished beyond recognition, but this was no ordinary crime. The car windows all had been smashed in, the front, back and sides all were severely dented and the smoking guns—a couple of baseball bats and balls—were strategically placed in the windshield.

"I figured (Jon) Lieber, (Kerry) Wood immediately, (Ryan) Dempster …" he said. "Then I realized it was every pitcher we have."...

After the workout ended, Dempster told Buss to "quit pouting" and come with him to the weight room to "see something."

As they walked out the back door, Buss saw several players and a 2008 Nissan Xterra parked in the walkway. Dempster gave him the keys for the new SUV, valued at about $25,000....

Buss nearly was moved to tears by the players' generosity.

Seriously, how funny/cool is that?

Also, how do I apply for a job where I am around Cubs players a lot? I could use a Nissan upgrade, myself...

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How about the BoSox today refusing to take the field until management agreed to give the same $40,000 bonus to the coaches, staff and trainers that the players were getting to go to Japan?

Not a Sox fan, but pretty classy (and VERY public.
Jesus, that Red Sox story was a red-banner "Breaking News" story on CNN.com today. What a fucking joke.

The Red Sox have become the Yankees and Duke somehow rolled into one, yet somehow more obnoxious.

Deuce, I don't know how you can justify this shit anymore. I used to like the Red Sox, but I've had it with this shit.

Pete, I'm looking forward to a response from you here...
The Yankees and Duke. Exactly. This is why I've gone back to my roots, back to the first place I witnessed a live MLB game in person, back to the KC Royals. BTW, how much are those T-Shirts going to run?
My problem with Boston has never been with the players (except Damon, Schilling, Millar, Papelbon, Doug Mirabelli, et al) as much as it has been with the fans and their stupid accents and newly printed green or pink Sox shirts, and with the way the media walks covers their every move and assumes the rest of the country gives a damn.

Then you add in a legion of bandwagon fans to the steaming pile that is their die-hard contingent, and you have the BoSox.

We don't care. I never thought that I would say this, but:

I hope The Yankees destroy Boston this year.

In regards to this story, I understand why these guys would be peeved. Baseball is a 6 billion dollar industry and these guys were basically getting jobbed to go "promote the game" in Japan.

That said, being that everyone involved is a gazillionaire, it's pretty hard to feel sorry for any of the bastards. Especially since it is, after all, the goddamn Red Sox.

I know that if my job wanted to send me to Japan for a week or two, I would be fucking stoked. Grow up.
Oh, and for a bonus, and actual conversation between the Cubs players and their pitching coach at the presentation of the car:

CUBS: Thanks for the steroids and HGH. And for not blowing any whistles during that whole Mitchell Report-thing. Here's an Xterra.

PITCHING COACH: The Twins strength coach got a Mercedes and I get this Japanese piece of crap. I wanted a MERCEDES!!!!!

CUBS: Wood, you've got a lot of free money over the last nine years or thereabouts, you take care of it.

WOOD: What's this HGH you speak of? You guys know something that prevents injuries? Tell me about it...What? I can't hear you over the sound of my snapping tendons.
Pete, you're not allowed to do Cub "humor." Only fans of the Cubs or people who have always hated the Cubs are allowed to partake, not fucking sell outs.
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