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Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Tunnel Walk: Vol II, Issue III: Virginia Tech, Yo.

Welcome back, sports fans. We know you've missed Tunnel Walk. Tunnel Walk has missed you too, baby. But now Tunnel Walk is back and promises never to leave your side again. It's just that Tunnel Walk gets so scared when there's no football. And a scared Tunnel Walk is a dangerous Tunnel Walk.

So NU finds itself facing the vaunted VaTech Hokies. What's a Hokie? Don't feel embarassed, only Tunnel Walk and Jim Druckenmiller knew before this week. A Hokie is simply a loyal Virginia Tech fan. It comes from a cheer created in 1896 when Virginia Agricultural and Mechanical College changed its name to Virginia Polytechnic Institute. So where does the turkey come from? The HokieBird is based on the nickname "the gobblers" granted in 1908. There are many theories as to where this came from. One is that the football team would respond to a crowd cheer by gobbling. Another is that an observer commented that the team "gobbled" their post-game meal. One theory held by some Tunnel Walkers is that Tech football team gobbles something else. Hey yo! Zing!

Top 5 Ways to Tell it is a Big Game in Memorial Stadium

1. Even the people with oxygen tanks stand up occasionally
2. You are so close to the person sitting next to you, you could inadvertently conceive a child
3. Clapping is so out-of-sync it becomes in-sync
4. Coach Ekeler kills scout team linebacker in pre-game revelry
5. Tom Osborne clips coupons, reads Nicholas Sparks novel, makes Cream of Wheat, eats Cream of Wheat, sips hot tea, levitates

The Recruit Files:

Already Committed: Cody Green, QB. 6-4, 220lbs, Dayton, TX. Already the bell cow of the class, Green seems to be the epitome of the Balanced QB if we were playing NCAA 09. A converted RB (he wore the #21 jersey before switching to a more quarterbackly #7), Green can burn you with his feet. However, it's Watson's "multiple" offense that Green is being groomed to run so you know Green must be quick with the draw. Green will graduate in December and presumably be in Lincoln in time for Spring ball. Pat Witt did that a couple of years back and it hasn't hurt him any. Rivals rates Green as the 10th best dual-threat QB (4*) and Scout has him as their 5th overall QB and gives him 5 stars. He seems like a good kid who should have a bright future with the Cornhuskers, but so did Josh Freeman, and Harrison Beck, and Curt Dukes, and Allan Evridge, and Carlyle Holiday, and Carl Crawford.

Wishlister: Gabe Lynn, CB. 6-1, 180lbs, Tulsa (Jenks), OK. Gabe Lynn has been on the sidelines of more Nebraska games in the past two years than any of us...ever. Gabe Lynn is also Phillard's half-brother. Gabe Lynn is a top-5 corner for the class of 09. The first two items on the list combined with number 3 equals a spot on this week's Wishlist. Lynn has stated that he wants to see playing time quickly and despite the logjam of young corners for NU, the Tunnel Walk believes Lynn has the talent to see playing time as a true freshman. That said, with this staff's restraint burning unnecessary redshirts (see: Compton, Will; Steinkuhler, Baker), anything can happen. Despite having somewhere in the range of 50 scholarship offers, the race for Lynn's signature on Signing Day really comes down to Nebraska and Oklahoma with OU in the lead. All along, Lynn has played the role of the uninterested when it comes to NU. This could either mean that he doesn't want his relationship with Phillard to block other schools from recruiting him or it could simply mean he just isn't that into NU.

Top 5 Pies of the Fall

1. Pumpkin
2. Baked peach (this is due to the delicious late-season Colorado peaches)
3. Pecan
4. Sour cream and raisin
5. Humble (which may come in the form of Missouri, Oklahoma, or both)

A Look Back at Excitednesses and Concerns

Dan Titchener. Tunnel Walk wanted him to be better than he has been. Averaging 38.6 yards per punt, Dan the Man only has to add about 8 yards to each of his boots in order to match the single season record. You can do it!
Bo Pelini. He's still undefeated as head coach of the University of Nebraska.
Khiry Cooper. Well, he's still on the team.
Walk-Ons. Unless you're related, you're a big, fat liar if you knew what jersey number Lance Thorell wore prior to the NMSU game. Many of his teammates don't even know his first name. Matt O'Hanlon (who was granted an extra year of eligibility earlier this year) and Hunter Teafatiller were each once walk-ons who've since earned scholies and they've done better than expected. Yay!
Ricky Redshirting Henry. Tunnel Walk believes it says volumes about the depth of the offensive line when a player that both coaches and players targeted as an impact player has the ability to utilize a redshirt year. Big ups to you, backup guards.
The Running Back Competition (Yet to be determined?). Tunnel Walk supposes this could go either way. Some will say that to truly establish a ground attack, a team must give it's lead horse enough carries to settle into a rhythm. Others (such as mythological dog Cerberus) say, "Three heads are better than one."
Prognosticators' Optimism. This has nearly gotten out of hand. Not that many expected NU to be anything less than 3-0 entering Saturday's matchup with VaTech., but the amount of sunshine being blown needs to be paused until at least next Sunday.
Lack of DT Depth. What did Tunnel Walk say about Jared Crick? And to be fair, what did Tunnel Walk say about Ndamukong Suh and Ty Steinkuhler? Following a season in which both Suh and Steinkuhler were at best just whelming, each have been auditioning for Guns of the Navarone: The New Class.

Where are You Now, Thunder Collins?
Too soon. Too easy. Too lacking in tact. Let's try this again some other time.

Hello, Option!

Much elation came of the return of the option in the New Mexico State game. This particularly pleased The Tunnel Walk. As a native Nebraskan, The Tunnel Walk loves option football. The Tunnel Walk loves the option so much, we use it as a staple of our NCAA Football ’09 offense, where we recruit scrambling QBs from all over the country to lead us to glory.

Thus, The Tunnel Walk begs Coach Shawn Watson to continue to run the option once or twice a game, because it never fails to make us smile. Sometimes watching a football game is not particularly enjoyable, but that is no fault of the option. That is all.

Get this album immediately:
TV on The Radio, Dear Science. Sure, the regular scenester snarks like Pitchfork and AVClub have given this album a nice tugjob, but Tunnel Walk knows what you the reader is thinking, "Sure Pitchfork gave it a 9.2, but is it actually listenable, Tunnel Walk?" Yes. A resounding mothergrabbing yes. TVOTR's previous release, 2oo6's Return to Cookie Mountain, was one of Tunnel Walk's favorite that year. This time out, TVOTR make a more listenable record throughout. In the day and age of iPods and shuffled playlists, this is a nice reprieve to the days where you could slap on a cd and listen to it the whole way through. The liner notes are super neat, too. The lyric sheet is in the form of a letter. Get it? To Science. You will be tested on this next week.

Match Game
Match the License Plate Number to the Correct Nebraska County

13 Custer
91 Cedar
57 Dawson
4 Arthur
18 Johnson

(Correct answers: 13, Cedar; 91, Arthur; 57, Johnson; 4, Custer; 18, Dawson)

This Week's Dorothy Lynchcapade.

A brief sabattical today from The Tunnel Walk's own uses of the orange yummie to bring you this actual submission to dorothylynch.com:
Chip Dip
Cottege Cheese

Dorothy Lynch Dressing
Tortilla Chips
Add dressing (to taste) to cottege cheese and use as
dip with tortilla chips. Delicious!
Submitted By: Debbie Genn

We at the Tunnel Walk would like to personally thank Debbie Genn for her visionary use of Dorothy Lynch. Tunnel Walk likes all of these ingredients and probably has them in our refrigerator currently. So why haven't we put these together some night after stumbling home from our local taproom? Tunnel Walk says that if some chunky Newman's Own pasta sauce can be used as a late night substitute for salsa, then why not incorporate some of Nebraska's own little bottles of love into your shitty diet.

The Tunnel Walk also plans to contact the Vatican regarding sainthood for Ms. Genn. We will keep you posted.

"You Know Who You Look Like...?" Bye Week Makeup Special Edition

Due to being off the presses for the last month or so, Tunnel Walk decided to feed you hungry mutts a double dose of YKWYLL.

Round 1: Barney Cotton versus Sergeant Slaughter. Buzzcut? Check. Authentically grizzled mustache? Check. Big dude in an authority position? Check. Underrated professional wrestler? Double check. Slaughter has the distinct honor along with William "The Refrigerator" Perry, Rowdy Roddy Piper, and Buzz Aldrin as the only real life personalities immortalized as G.I. Joe figures. Cotton has the distinct honor of currently holding a job.
Round 2: Jeff Jamrog versus Jeff Garlin. This is a bit spooky. One is a fun-loving sidekick to an older graying white man who is seen as one of the best in his field. The other is a fun-loving sidekick to an older graying white man who is seen as one of the best in his field. Man, is Tunnel Walk getting good at this shit or what? Guaranteed if Garlin walked into Memorial Stadium some fatefull Fall Saturday, he would be misrecognized as Jeff Jamrog 18.5 times. Fact: Jeff Garlin began his career performing stand-up comedy as a student at THE UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI in the early 1980s. Fact: Jeff Jamrog began his career performing wind sprints as a student at THE UNIVERSITY OF NEBRASKA in the early 1980s. This just keeps getting creepier and creepier.
Locks of the Week

NEBRASKA-V Tech Under 45.5
Wisconsin -5.5 over MICHIGAN
N Carolina + 7.5 over MIAMI
PENN ST. -15.5 over Ill

(The Tunnel Walk does not like taking lots of road teams. Caveat Emptor.)

Abbreviated Pete’s NFL Picks

(The Tunnel Walk apologizes on behalf of Pete, but wants to remind all of Pete’s followers that Pete owns it again this year and to recognize)

JAX -7 over Houston
TEN -3 over Minn
CHI +3 over Philly

Half-assed prediction time

Explorers Meriweather Lewis and William Clark, of the Lewis and Clark Expedition, were both natives of Virginia. While they did not begin their transcontinental mission from Virginia (it was actually Pittsburgh), their adventurous spirits surely shine on in the football hearts of the Hokies of Virginia Tech. Some 205 years later, The Hokies now embark westward on a journey, not with orders from Thomas Jefferson but with orders from all of Virginia to return victorious. Their presumed victory will not be maps, fur pelts, and wild tales of rushing rapids, thunderous herds of bison, the frozen peaks of the Rockies seemingly touching the sky, and the grandeur of the vast Pacific Ocean. No, it will simply be the pride of winning a collegiate football game.

It is by keeping in mind what our adversaries are playing for that the mighty Huskers see what challenges beset them on Saturday. Our Gridiron Warriors of the Great Plains should expect a physical football game with contusions and assorted injuries, “Beemer Ball”, and punting. The Tunnel Walk says that Pelini will have his men ready for the clash, and will emerge victorious, thus denying the Hokies the chance to return to the East Coast with exuberant tales of their triumph. In short, history will not repeat itself. After all, Meriweather Lewis died in a Tennessee tavern, while presumably watching a lacrosse match between the Iroquois Nation and Yale.

Nebraska 20, Virginia Tech 13

Enjoy the game. From The Tunnel Walk, Hail Varsity.

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Who is all going to the game tomorrow?
Oh, oh! Me! I am! We are going to tear it up tomorrow, boys.

Sorry for not contributing...my computer completely crashed. In fact, when you start it up, it says "missing file: system/windows 98".

That's bad, right?

Great Tunnel Walk, fellers.
that was awesome, the Barney Cotton/Sgt slaughter is too good.

See everybody tomorrow during at least 6 hours of priming.
I will be there. And holy crap, does the game next week really start at 8pm? My liver just shit its pants.

Nebraska rolls tonight:

NU 34
VT 23
Historical Note: Lewis shot himself in the head while traveling to Washington to explain why his adventure was thousands of dollars over budget, and why he had failed to yet publish his memoirs of the expedition. Sure, suicide is never cool, but hopefully the Hokies will be traveling back East in similar shame this weekend.
It’s great to see good information being shared.
There are certainly a lot of details like that to take into consideration. That is a great point to bring up. I offer the thoughts above as general inspiration but clearly there are questions like the one you bring up where the most important thing will be working in honest good faith. I don't know if best practices have emerged around things like that, but I am sure that your job is clearly identified as a fair game.

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Thank you for the informative post, keep it up and keep posting thank you very much.
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