This week's irrefutable proof that Los Angeles can go fuck itself (Thanks to B at exit177.blogspot.com, the best NP blog on the internet, no question):

A column from the the LA Times by T.J. Simers

Nebraska fans, lend him your ears -- and more. Simers wants to experience the run-up to the USC game with Cornhuskers fans, if any are willing to show him what their lives are like.

July 31, 2007 I am writing this now to give the overland stage time to get it there. USC will be playing in Nebraska on Sept. 15, and I will be joining the greatest football team ever assembled as they strike out into the wilderness. If possible, I'd like to spend time boarding with some corn cobs, maybe getting a smell of what it's like to be around livestock — then leaving Lincoln to move around the state and spend a few days here and there.

A stop in Wahoo at the Wigwam Café is probably a good start, but I was thinking it'd be interesting to stay with a real-live-boring Cornhuskers family somewhere out on the prairie so I can feel what it's like to have nothing to look forward to in my life other than a Saturday afternoon football game.

I'll be going to Nebraska early in the football week, and while I'm not sure what corn cob hospitality is like, I'd like to remind folks that when they came to L.A., I tried to help.

Remember when the Cornhuskers came to the big city to lose in the Rose Bowl? Everyone here knows there are no individual seats — just long benches for the skinny people who live here.I was looking out for the corn-fed porkers, of course, including all their big-butted women, when I told them that if everyone sat down after the anthem, there were going to be people falling atop each other at the end of each row.

A number of corn cobs e-mailed to say they were unhappy with Page 2 but thrilled now to have their very own Internet machines.They also wanted to tell me about their wonderful lives, kids and the modern facilities being built right down there by the creek. Well, there's nothing like a Wal-Mart coming to town to excite the locals, so I was thrilled for them. But for some reason that didn't come across in our correspondence, and there might still be some hard feelings.

I got to thinking last summer, though, as I drove the family-that-I-used-to-love across Nebraska in a RV what it must be like to actually live there most every day of your life.I can't remember for sure if it was Nebraska or Kansas where I saw a tree, but it just seemed as if there wasn't much there.

That's why the corn cobs love their football. It's all they have, everyone wearing red, and sitting there like plump, ripe tomatoes with corncobs stuck to their heads, singing, "There is no place like Nebraska."Hard to argue. There's not a 7-Eleven in the entire state, thousands of people never once tasting a Slurpee, which got me wondering whether I could live that way for a whole week.

I know there aren't a whole lot of cities in Nebraska, but I'm willing to spend a few days out yonder with a family if someone would like to show me what it's like to live without DirecTV and not ask me to kill a chicken for dinner.

I can play checkers if forced, though, or make a run to the Feed Store. Right now I'm willing to go wherever the corn cobs tell me to go, and while several have already done that, I'd like to see for myself they're not talking about some place in Nebraska.

Labels: A.J. Simers, Los Angeles Times, Reasons We Should Vote California Out Of The Union

So one of the guys that graduated with me from Mt. Michael is an actor in one of the "On the Lot" films on the Website. His brother has also been playing Bucky Dent in "The Bronx is Burning." Go to www.thelot.com/contestants/, click on Contestant 51, and then Surf and Turf. My buddy is the bored guy with the shot glasses and snow globes. The character he plays is the exact opposite of how he is in real life (I would compare him to a less articulate Tucker Max). The short film is pretty good and I guess they're coming out with another one tomorrow.

-P.S. Thanks to everybody who came to our going away/engagement party on Saturday. Kourt and I had a blast.

Labels: anal sex, Mt. Michael, shower, soap

"Do something outrageous Bret."

Last week I sent out an email wanting to know who would be interested in a no holds bar North Platte trip. Something that would include plenty of cocktails and no real agenda. I received one response (Thank you GA) and number of inquires via Pete. It sounds as if Oct 5-7 may be our best opportunity (NU at Missouri and possibly televised.) Is anyone interested in that weekend, and I can start working on the hotel rooms.

Here is a challenge for you all: I DEFY you to find anything cooler on television than VH1 Classic running re-runs of 120 Minutes. This may be something that has been going on for a while, so I apologize if I need to go get me a late pass on this subject.

That said, how great is this? I mean, they're even playing it in the original time slot--Sundays 11:00-1:00! Classic, "alternative rock" videos! I used to set the ol' timer on the VHS machine so I could watch 120 Minutes, because my parents wouldn't let me stay up that late. I remember classic stuff like R.E.M. (before they blew up), The Jesus & Mary Chain, Dinosaur Jr, The Pixies, etc.

In fact--and this is kind of weird, considering how not-"alternative" they were, but the first place I heard "Mr. Jones" by the Counting Crows was on 120 Minutes. That said, in retrospect, it wasn't that weird: "Mr. Jones" was totally unlike all the grunge/angst pop of the "alternative" scene, or any other scene, for that matter. "Mr. Jones" was some folk-rock, Van Morrison-esque tribute to Bob Dylan, gray guitars, and yellow-haired girls...and somehow (basically) debuted on 120.

But that was the beauty of it: Did "Mr. Jones" blend in well after "Head Like A Hole" by Nine Inch Nails? Of course not! Did "Mr. Jones" blend in well after the newest Michael Jackson video? No. It really had no place for popular- nor counter-culture at the time. Which is why it made perfect sense that it ended up on 120 Minutes. 120 Minutes was--I think quite literally--the last show on TV (outside your Austin City Limits and Live From Abbey Roads) that would showcase great music, regardless of how "alternative" or not it was. The producers of that show knew a great tune when they heard it, and--for all its' cheesy qualities--recognized that "Mr. Jones" was a fantastic song, and knew that no one else on MTV was going to play it.

They took a chance on it, and the rest--as they say--is history.

(Also funny fact: if I recall correctly, the night I saw "Mr. Jones" I just happened to get away with staying up late on a school night. Napa also ran into the same situation, and we both came to school on Monday talking about some kick ass song we saw on 120 Minutes sung by some white dude with dreads. The lesson: great minds think alike.)

EDIT: The Jam's "In The City" is on right now. Just in case you somehow forgot how much this show kicked ass from the time you got done reading the above post.

EDIT II: So I searched for a 120 Minute logo to throw up on this post, but rather found this website. It has an archive of who hosted 120 Minutes going back to the beginning of the show. First of all, I had no damned idea it aired until 2003. This is shocking. But more importantly, look at this list of hosts from when I religously watched this program--I think it pretty much sums up how important this show was, and reminds me where I first started listening to some of my favorite bands, plus a fun stroll down memory lane:

-The Edge and Adam Clayton of U2
-Screaming Trees
-Hank Rollins
-Peter Gabriel (?)
-Sonic Youth
-The Sundays
-Depeche Mode
-Bob Mould
-Urge Overkill
-Juliana Hatfield
-Buffalo Tom
-Luscious Jackson
-George Clinton (?????)
-Pavement / Possum Dixon (Side story: Possum Dixon played at a bar in Sidney, Nebraska in 2000. A very small bar. I shit you not. Saw the sign myself. They had one classic AWESOME song back in the day, but I cannot remember it. You'll have to take my word for it.)
-BEASTIE BOYS
-Cracker
-MC 900 Ft. Jesus
-Billy Corgan
-Michael Stipe
-Matthew Sweet
-Jeff Buckley
-Spearhead
-Blind Melon
-Trent Reznor and David Bowie
-Oasis
-Radiohead
-The Refreshments
-Cracker
-311

This is just 1993-1996. Unbelievable. This show was awesome.

LAST EDIT: The Possum Dixon song was "Watch The Girl Destroy Me." I was a little nervous when I found the video on VH1.com, but was excited to hear it was exactly what I remembered it to be: perfect '90's college rock/power pop. Classic. This is my favorite post in months.

Labels: 120 Minutes, Awesomeness, Counting Crows, MTV, The Jam, VH1 Classic

EDIT: For whatever reason, Bad Bar did not publish this, but rather saved it. Citing Executive Privelige--and because he's right--I went ahead and hit the "Publish Post" button.

Kourt and I are having our going away party on July 28 at 9:00 PM. We reserved a room at Clancy's from 9 until close so anyone who wants to come out is more than welcome. Of course, being the man that I am, I'll probably be slipping in and out between Club Patricks and Clancy's all night. May you all experience the joys of bad barring.
- The Deuce, Big Boy, Bad Bar, or whatever ridiculous name you want to call me.

Labels: Bad Bars are fun, Going Away Party, I'm running a tab at Clancy's and didn't want to explicitly say so in the message

...on this piece of shit.

(not for the faint of heart. At all.)

http://loljocks.blogspot.com/2007/07/falcons-react-to-michael-vicks.html

A few thoughts and observations...

1. Saw some of Around The Horn on ESPN today. The question was "will the Cubs make the playoffs?" First up, A.J. Adande (sp?). He said no, because while the Cubs have better pitching, the Brewers have all that hitting. Um, A.J.? The only major separation between the Cubs and Brewers is home runs, and the Cubs hit better as a team by almost 20 points. Ultimately, though, the Cubs have a better run differential...due to better pitching. So wouldn't one logically think that a team with the better run differential--despite how many home runs a team may hit--would be the team projecting to win more during the season? Call me crazy...

2. Speaking of Around The Horn, the scariest thing I have heard all season: Jay Mariotti said that yes, the Cubs will make the playoffs. Damn it.

3. Bought a SABA radio today. It was manufacturered over 60 years ago, and it is badass. What am I going to do with it, you ask? I dunno. I guess I should have thought of that one.

4. Just curious: what season you on in NCAA Football 2008, MIB? I'm calling 2015 by now.

5. Speaking of the Cubs, they just lost. Damn it. Oh well, it was a matter of time before the bullpen blew a game. They're certainly not perfect. That said, I have not had this much watching the Cubs since 2003. A team wearing Cubs uniforms that don't rely on home runs and hustle? I mean, I don't even know how to react.

6. How about a little "Over/Under?" OK, I'll bite: What's the over/under on how many times Bad Bar will dust off the "dude, I'm moving in ____ days, you have to come out" line? With the big move about 18 days away, I'm going to set the over/under at 15.

7. Speaking of that move, we'll play "Over/Under" again: How many days is it going to take Bad Bar and MIB to move out of that condo? I'm saying 5. And no, that does not include how long it will take them to just pack.

8. The new Patton Oswalt album "Werewolves and Lollipops" is awesome. And with a title like that, how could it not be?

9. Speaking of new albums, Common's "Finding Forever" is quickly (and sneakily) coming up next Tuesday. From the advance reviews, I am extremely encouraged.

That's about it. Like I said, pretty weak. But hey, better than nothing, right?

Right?

Labels: Around The Horn, Chicago Cubs, Common, ESPN, Jay Mariotti, Old Radios Purchased For Reasons Not Yet Determined, Patton Oswalt

...for The Deuce and I to make our annual pilgrimage to Game Stop at midnight, after a few drinks, of course, and collect our pre-bought copies of NCAA Football 2008. We were the oldest guys there by 10 years 3 years ago, and now it's beyond creepy. However, I think that feeling like a weirdo is a small price to pay for revamped recruiting and fresh rosters.

The MIB will no doubt be simulating the 2014 season as early as tomorrow, and I will be taking the Gothenburg Swedes to the Big 12 title game by the end of the week, despite starting them off as an academic powerhouse.

My prediction is that the Huskers will be ranked approximately 18th in the game, which is probably fair. The new animation videos on easports.com, especially the hit stick and group tackling, lead me to believe that this game will be awesome.

My goal a year ago was to own a PS3 by the time this game came out, but now I will have to be content with the PS2 version and hope that Sony still exists for NCAA 2009. No sure bet there. Maybe they will have a Wii version by next year...

If anyone has any predictions about the game, leave a comment. And we'll be getting a few beers before getting to Game Stop at 11:45 to stand in line with the kids, feel free to invite yourself and bask in the solemn glow of loserdom. It's amazing that either one of us has ever spoken to a female.

Is there something in the works for a thank you for leaving party for Todd?

This is taken straight from the cover of the new Esquire Magazine, which features yours and my favorite socialist, John Edwards:

"Can A White Man Still Be Elected President? If So, John Edwards Will Have To Battle Image, Cancer, & The Forces Of History"

I mean, honestly, I was completely speechless. At first. Then I remembered something, something that really doesn't make sense about this headline:

There have been a few white presidents. It's not like a white guy has no chance at winning again. But they're probably right; I still say that the smart money is on Bill Richardson.

Oh, and his whole image problem is pretty self-created: if you want to talk about the gap of wealth and the disease of poverty...maybe he should take just some of that $400 he spends on haircuts and send it on over to The Poverty Fund.

In all honesty, how does Esquire get political figures on the covers of their magazine anymore? I mean, I understand they are on a hot streak with Kerry, Rummy, Clinton (B.), Mel Gibson, Brittney, Donald Trump, John McCain, etc., but I still just don't get it...

Labels: but still), Esquire, Headlines, Stupidity Veiled as Reader-Grabbing, Why Do I Subscribe To This Shit (I know why and it starts with "Chuck Klosterman"

I thought that Bad Vlad would have been a horrible pick for the HR Derby. Primarily due to the fact that I have never seen Vlad hit a homerun on a actual strike. . .Turns out he likes strikes as well. Also after 11 years in majors, you would think Vlad would consider picking up a second language.

Baseball is better when there is a Fielder in the league.


I do think that Mags has single handily brought back the Geri Curl. . .there is still chance my investment in Soul Glo will pay out

It should go without saying but the Baseball Tonight crew is unwatchable. . .

Erin Andrews brings absolutely no content to a sideline report. With that said I will be heartbroken when shes gone.

Good God I think Rafael Balliard is pitching for Alex Rios . . . confirmed at 9:01

ESPN just showed a picture of Will Clark. . .when did he change his name to David Koechner

Is the Gold Ball Homerun a tax write off?

I questions the integrity of the ESPY's. . .granted I have not followed the ESPy's too closely, but when a active player is a co-host, who is more than likely up for a award. It just does not feel right. I would be will to bet the academy would not allow this.

I just saw a 18 month old sitting in the second row of the outfield seats. This in my eyes is a crime, women and children should not be allowed to sit in the outfield of the HR Derby.

Are there odds on Pac Man Jones and or someone in his posse getting arrested in a San Fran
Gentleman's Club tonight. . .there should be.

Yes, I too enjoy the hell out of the new HBO comedy Flight of the Conchords.

Consider me on the bandwagon for Flight of the Conchords. This show is hilarious. If you haven't seen it yet, it's on right after Entourage and breaks out combines overt ridiculousness with subtle, deadpan humor. It's extremely rewatchable and I'm hooked. I would recommend this show to anyone who enjoyed Arrested Development, Curb Your Enthusiasm, or Larry Sanders.

Jemaine, Bret, and their manager Murray are the funniest New Zealanders of all time. Kudos to HBO for creating more essential viewing. My theory is that any American can find an HBO series to get into, and this doesn't hurt.

I can't recommend this show highly enough. Check it out.

As I sat with my head in my hands last night wondering what was I to do with the final 33 years of my life, many career moves floated through my head. Game show host, stand up comic, real estate agent.

For the sake of generating some traffic (and delegating any difficult work from me), I am asking you, the Heavy Soul reader and/or contributer for help. Please post some suggestions, realistic or otherwise, of possible career changes for me. I realize that I'm three rungs up on the ever-growing corporate ladder of a company that I'm sure loves me, and you're all screaming, "MIB! Wait! A mid-level career in telecom is what I thought you've always dreamed of. How could you walk away from such a silver platter?"

You've got until Monday. Whatever suggestion garners the most votes, I will apply for a postition in that field.

Thanks for the help and Godspeed.

11 out of their last 13? Where the hell did that come from? Congrats to the die hard Cub fans on this blog that have just endured one of the greatest stretches in recent Cub history. I think they catch the Brewers in the second half.....which leads me to my mid season predictions.

NL
East-Mets win it....Braves just don't have the starting pitching to make this run and Schuerholz doesn't have any money to spend to go get some.
Central-Cubs....not so much as i see the cubs winning it as i just don't see the Brewer bats staying this hot all season. Zambrano seems to have found his ways again and i expect him to donimate the 2nd half.
West-Dodgers...I love their lineup and their starting pitching
Wild Card-i'll go homer and say the Bravos figure out a way to get it done

AL
East-nobody is catching the Sox
Central-I think the Twins find a way to pull this one out
West-Angels, might be the best team in basball right now and will build a big lead and hold off the 2nd half miracle A's (don't they make a run every damn year?)
Wild Card-I'll go with the Indians

NL Champs-Dodgers
AL Champs-Red Sox

WS Champ-Rox in 7

Thoughts?

...where the hell is everybody?

I understand that people have committments, jobs, new girlfriends (ahem, blogger from Chicago), etc.

But good God, y'all--throw something up every once in a while! I mean, even if it is a "I am really bored, and I was tooling around on the interweb, so I thought I would post although I have nothing to say" would be sufficent.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I miss you. Yeah, I said it. I miss you. I miss this. I miss our Heavy Soul ramblings.

Why can't I quit you, Heavy Soul contributors?

To my place for the 4th of July to eat, drink, and blow shit up. We are grilling burgers and dogs with chips and other food things. There is talk of getting a keg but I need to see how many will attend if not bringing various tasty drinks would be a good idea.