Now, I'm just testing my theory that we can end up getting free porn on the ad, so I'm going to say free porn a lot. Free Porn is awesome. Free Vivid stuff is awesome. Free Jenna Jameson stuff is awesome. It would be even better if there were free porn movies on the ad. Now, some of you might be saying, "Big Boi, we don't need Free Porn. You are disgusting for wanting free porn." But I don't even care about the free porn. The MIB has a collection of porn (not free porn) to rival Larry Flint, so I'm good for the moment. But wouldn't it be cool to start manipulating the ad to do our bidding? After all, the advertisers are supposed to be taking advantage of our site, but shouldn't that come at a price (aka free porn)? Therefore, I say, free porn for all. And if I pull this off and there's a link to free porn tomorrow morning, you will all thank me. And everyone will click on the link for free porn which will get us more money for the Heavysoul Christmas Party (which could feature free porn). Now I have to go study Mortgages, which sadly does not feature free porn. Good Night Bitches!

I sent in the infamous Darin Erstad story to Deadspin, and they published it at the top of their website--apparently they thought that story was as funny as I did.

Check it out.

8:00-11:00 am meeting with Auditors
2:00-4:00 pm meeting with Auditors

And this day is alright with me because Sgt. Peffer's is what's for Lunch, and after last weeks strong Lost episode. No Auditors can phase me.

Welcome Back Lost to primetime Wednesday night

He is even taking over the advertising on our blog...god he sucks.

Breaking News: John Mayer and Jason Mraz are joining forces to create a weenie rock supergroup.

Did anybody else see the Stu Scott Def Jam highlight on Sportscenter Sunday night?

It was probably one of the 3 or 4 must painfully funny things I've seen in my life.

And more importantly, does anyone know a link on the internet where I can watch this over and over and over again.

Thought I would have stuff on here to jump start everyone's work day. Some notables from aimlessly wandering around the internet/watching TV this evening....

--This is for, in particular, the Man In Black. I was looking on K-State's Rivals board to see if this rumor about those purple d-bags actually hired Jerry Dinardo (they didn't, damn it, it was a joke). Then I came across a thread about Brent Venerables, and it turned into a "Bill Bradski" thread. This one was hilarious: "Brent Venerables is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with his ancestory, the man ate a fucking Indian." and "Brent Venerables' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried."

--This is a Flash clip of Jeremy Shockey, pointing and cocking off to a camera, who happens to keep the camera on him as he realizes that the kicker just missed the extra point, and they, in fact, lost the game. I don't know if there is a more priceless clip available on the internet today.

--UCLA's head coach accused Nebraska's older teams as being "steriod shooters," or something to that effect. I would be completely and totally shocked by that.

--David Letterman hired a painter to do a oil portrait of him and Oprah, in honor of her being on the show this Thursday. It is pretty priceless. And The Darkness is on--still haven't been able to figure out what the big deal is about these guys. I mean, they're not terrible, but they are just cheese dicks that play music that was crappy in the 1980s, and is crappy now.

--Billy Wagner got $43 million over FOUR years?? I mean, the guy is a total badass, but a four year contract for a guy that is 36?? And for $43 MILLION?? I think it is official: Isiah Thomas is secretly the GM for the Mets, too.

--The A's signed Esteban Loazia for 3 years, at over $7M/year (lovin' those new owners, MIB, aren't you? That's a huge contract for them.). They have more pitching than they know what to do with now, which is intensifying the Zito trade rumors. The Cubs have been linked in these rumors. Who knows, everybody is rumored to go to every team, but be honest: isn't the Hot Stove league almost as fun as the actual baseball season? Other Cub rumors of note:

--The Cubs have reportedly officially offered to Furcal, and he is expected to accept.
--There is suposedly a blockbuster trade that is being worked on between (for sure) the Cubs and Rangers, along with other teams, that would send Alfonso Soriano and Kevin Mench to the Cubs for Todd Walker, Jerome Williams, and some minor leaguers. This was on Yahoo! Sports, under the headline "Hot Stove: Greatest Infield Ever?" It would be unbelievable impressive. Say that this trade goes through, along with Furcal, as well as the Juan Pierre deal that has been reported on quite a bit over the last couple of weeks, the Cubs lineup would look like this:

1. Rafael Furcal SS .284 BA .348 OBP 46 SB
2. Juan Pierre CF .276 BA .326 OBP (.355 career) 57 SB
3. Derrek Lee 1B .335 BA .418 OBP 46 HR 107 RBI .662 SLG (!)
4. Aramis Ramirez 3B .302 BA (you owe me, NPGAGE) .358 OBP 31 HR 92 RBI(in123 games) .568 SLG
5. Alfonso Soriano 2B .268 BA .309 OBP 36 HR 104 RBI .512 SLG
6. Matt Murton LF .321 BA .386 OBP (!) 7 HR 14 RBI .521 SLG
7. Kevin Mench RF .264 BA .328 OBP 25 HR 73 RBI .469 SLG
8. Michael Barrett C .276 BA .345 OBP 16 HR 61 RBI .479 SLG

Holy shit. I mean, that lineup is frightening. Sure, so would the defense, in a bad way, but who cares? Not to mention, I'll be excited with one of these deals to go through, but it's fun to dream, right? WAIT 'TILL NEXT YEAR!

--OMG--my nomination for the greatest blog ever: On The DL. Baseball groupies that talk about the guys who play baseball and the women they cheat on their wives with. Look for the posts with picture links--here's one with everyone's favorite utility man--Jose Macias!!!

--No, seriously, On the DL is unbelievably addicting. Look at it. It is the true definition of "guilty pleasure."

That's it. Thank you, Heavy Soul, and good night!

I don't know if any of you have seen the blog Deadspin, but please do. I haven't looked at a ton of it yet, but it is pretty entertaining. In particular, their "Athlete Run-In" section, where readers send in their athlete run-in stories (pretty straight forward, huh?). Do check it out, but here is one that is particularly funny--it's about the most overrated outfielder in the world, Scott Podsednik. Needless to say, I don't think he is overrated anymore:


Athlete Run-Ins: Podsednik Takes Six For The Team
Our final athlete run-in story of the day (and the week) comes to us from Jeffrey in Massachusetts. It’s about everybody’s favorite scrappy World Series hero Scott Podsednik.
"So, a buddy of a buddy, etc. etc. was at a high-end bar in Chicago, when Podsednik walks in with an unbelievably hot girl on his arm. (Ed. Note: We’re guessing it’s Podsednik paramour Lisa Dergan.) He makes a beeline for the bar, and she heads to the ladies room. He orders a drink for her, and three bottles of Bud Lite. He chugs, and I mean, chugs, the three bottles of beer before his woman returns. Then he looks around, sees his woman isn’t back, and order three more bottles of Bud Lite, and chugs the crap out of those as well. Finally, and just before his woman gets back, he orders a high end microbrew, picks that up with his woman’s apple-tini or some such horseshit, and goes to sit down with her. The rest of the night he just sips at that microbrew. I need to do this more often."

1.) I'm not sure what was more gratifying about friday as a husker fan...throttling the Puffs on their home turf or their fans exposing themselves to a nationwide audience as the pricks they truly are.

2.) Moving sucks..especially when you've done it 3 times in the last year.

3.) DMB still kicks ass live. The boys haven't lost a step...I loved the show.

4.) Got Frank?....Got Busted

Well, the dumb-head is finally starting to clear, and I thought I would post a quick review of last nights DMB concert at the Quest Center.

Facilities: A+. That place just looks awesome. And the sound was great for an indoor arena, I thought. It is just so cool to finally have a place like that in Nebraska--anytime you can pull off a concert like the U2/Kanye West show coming up, you know you have a pretty solid venue. And, of course, I saw Pete completely randomly.

Old Market: A+. The place was packed out. It was busier than a weekend, and everywhere we went, we saw several old faces from college. Great times all around. There was such a buzz down there, and people were dusting off their Nebraska binge-drinking shoes. At one point, someone opened the side door and gave me a beer...right in front of the guy watching the door. Between the Quest Center and the debauchery in the Old Market, it DID NOT feel like we were in Omaha. It honestly felt like we were in a big city.

The Concert: A. The only reason I cannot give it an A+ is because nothing will eclipse seeing Ben Harper and DMB play "All Along The Watchtower" at Mile High Stadium in Denver. Other than that, it was fantastic. Great jams, but tight--the flow of the songs were great (although they took fairly long breaks between songs). People were unbelievably loud--I have never been to a concert that was that loud, fan-wise. And there was a serious good vibe from the band, too. This was the third show on their Winter Tour, and they certainly seemed rested up and fresh. Here's what the official DMB Road website said about it:

It's amazing to catch a DMB show after they've been off the road for a couple months. Songs that we've heard for years seem to take on a new dimension after a little time away. Seek Up, Nancies, What Would, Two Step, Everyday; they all sounded as fresh tonight as they ever have. We could sense the excitement of the band as they came off the stage, knowing that they had just put on a great show. We're all fired up for what's to come over the next few weeks. See y'all in Madison on Tuesday.

Setlist: A. Frankly, I was shocked how balanced this setlist was. 6 songs off the new album, all but one I personally like ("Hunger for the Great Light" is a garbage song, but it still sounded solid live). The rest of the songs were a sweet selection, especially "Seek Up," "Dancing Nancies (where we think Dave said "....lost somewhere in Texas." Have another scotch, buddy!)," "What Would You Say," "Two Step," and a thunderous show-closer in "Ants Marching."

Overall: A+. Sunday nights just don't get any better than that, my friends. Dave Matthews Band totally shined, but the shocking thing was Omaha shined just as much.

When did it become so goddamned cool to refer to a group and call them "Kool-Aid drinkers?"

The actor of one of the greatest 1980's movies' characters died today--Pat Morita, or, as so many of us knew him, Mr. Miyagi.

After reading the obit about him from CNN.com, the thing that is much more shocking than his death is that he was nominated for an Oscar for The Karate Kid! Seriously? What other movies were they up against that year? The Breakfast Club? Some movie involving a robot of some sort?

That's funny.

God, I'm going to take heat for this (not that I haven't already spouted off about this to a lot of you in the past), but....

The John Mayer Trio's new live release, "TRY!," is good. And when I say good, I mean really, really good. Like, "one of the best CD's I have purchased in a really long time" good.

There are two covers: and excellent version of "Wait Until Tomorrow" by Jimi Hendrix, and "I Got A Woman" by Ray Charles (the song that inspired "Golddigger" by Kanye West). The rest of the songs are originals, along with a encore that includes "Something's Missing" and a bluesed-out version of "Daughters."

With the exception of "Gravity," the album is fast-paced, guitar-driven goodness. Even if you don't like John Mayer, and think he is generally a big weenie, I think that you'd enjoy this album.

Happy Thanksgiving to all you Heavy Soulers out there! So, what are you thankful for?

Tonight, for one night only, it is the Big Boi's birthday. We will be meeting at the Pipeline at 8:30 or so, in order to enjoy 1989 night (where inflation has been wiped away and all prices are at 1989 levels). So if you feel like joining Todd in consuming mass amounts of alcohol, smoking lots of cigarettes, and trying to take some young innocent women home; then come on down.

What happened to the Cats last night? Now they have to play West Virginia today too. Now I won't get too mean because Michigan State has the Maui to contend with. However, I will point out that Fluke was too pussy to join the Guardians or the Maui. They were extended invitations to both and they're only set up to play Texas before conference play. Why didn't they want to play serious competition EZT? Maybe K knows they're not worth that #1 rating?

John Daly Reality Show

This is going to be awesome, i've always wanted to hang with John Daly for a few days. I actaully just received a forward today of John Daly with a couple topless chicks, taken some night after a tournament where he signed John on the chick's right tit and Daly on her left...i just love this guy.

I was at the bar on Friday and I decided to stroll over to the juke box -- three songs for $1. My trifecta consisted of:

#1 James - Laid
#2 Dinosaur Jr. - Feel the Pain
#3 David Bowie - Ziggy Stardust

I thought this was a good set, and judging by a nearby table playing the table drums I wasn't the only one who thought so.

This got me wondering; what are your greatest jukebox moments? What series of songs have you requested that you felt was the perfect fit for that particular bar at that particular moment?

Holy shit, Michigan State. You lost to Hawaii 84-62. Big Boi, let the lame excuses begin. Michigan State is the Number Five team in the country.

Discuss.

So a guy goes to Stapleton, Nebraska and finds a computer with internet access. Funniest damn thing I've heard in a while.

Now my situation is a little bit different from the rest of you, but going back to the town you grew up in is weird. Now two Thanksgivings ago, the trip to the bars was absolutely surreal and I think it was because everyone I expected to be there was there. I went out to a bar in The Planet last night and it was weirder than Thanksgiving.

I was thinking that a Friday night would bring out a familiar crowd. I thought maybe I would know some people. I was wrong. It was either people five-to-ten years older or pups who just turned legal. Eerie.

Happy Thanksgiving, bitches.

...as I post this. It is officially college basketball season, which means it is officially time for T.J. and I to fight about our respective teams in public (followed by us watching each others teams without anyone around and talking about the "respect" we have for them--we're such frauds). I thought I would start it off with one doozy of a post on the team you love to hate, Duke.

The reason I thought of this is because there has been blurbs in the news about Frank Deford's (SI writer) column about "how and why" Duke became such a hated team. For the record, he doesn't explain either how nor why. It is really an awfully shitty column. But the annonymous UNC grad and Duke Law alumn that wrote this monster message board post sure does.

Hope you're sitting down, because this one is a doozy! T.J., I look forward to your angry comments below. I love college basketball!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mike Krzyzewski and his players don’t understand the antipathy. They know it’s out there, but they truly don’t know why. Fans of all schools love to hate Duke, with growing enthusiasm it seems, and the trend is baffling the “great” coach to no end.

Truly, it is difficult to accept that a group of purportedly intelligent persons could at once be so repugnant, yet oblivious to the intentional impudence that makes them so. However, I suppose it is possible to be so steeped in conceit and self-righteousness as to become blind to one’s own flaws.

At any rate, as a lifelong basketball fan, and as a graduate of both the University of North Carolina and the Duke University School of Law, I feel infinitely qualified to allay the consternation. Although many writers, in piecemeal fashion, occasionally opine as to isolated reasons behind the ABD (“Anybody But Duke”) movement, I am aware of no comprehensive piece that fully enumerates the multitude of interrelated reasons why this basketball program is loathed so intensely by so many. I will attempt to do so herein.

I. The Duke Persona. First is the persona shared by the coach, his team, and the supporting student body. A rarely-seen blend of obscene arrogance and shameless hypocrisy is the cornerstone of Duke basketball. Whether it is Christian Laettner wagging his tongue after a lay-up, Brian Davis tauntingly skipping across the floor after a break away dunk, or Chris Duhon matter-of-factly stating that all other ACC teams simply compete for second place in the annual conference tournament, (ironically uttered just before Maryland defeated Duke for the 2004 title), the rank conceit and condescension are insufferable.

As for the equally unrelenting hypocrisy, examples abound year after year. In every close game, for instance, Coach K spews profanities at game officials for the extremely rare call against his team, while at the same time starring in a television commercial promoting the importance of good sportsmanship. Admittedly, his boorish behavior gets results, as every ACC official seems to react to each outburst by calling an offensive foul against the opposition at the next possible opportunity. Nevertheless, Krzyzewski, unabashed and blind to his hypocrisy, stated during the 2004 ACC tournament that nothing is gained from working the officials, and it is therefore something that he does not do.

The language this coach spouts is truly appalling, even by competitive sports standards, yet the media anointed him to sainthood status long ago. Gary Williams shouts game profanities with similar regularity and is understandably criticized by the media for doing so. Bobby Knight is similarly blasted for his well-publicized misconduct. And yet Coach K–a Knight disciple, by the way–is not only given a free pass but worshiped as the great gentleman: “an officer and a gentleman” as one commentator said during a game break. Somehow the media equates the man with class, when–in reality–he is two letters removed from the word.

Duke students and fans similarly experience difficulty with consistency. As all basketball fans know, the student body is legendary for its efforts to humiliate opposing players. For example, they threw snack cakes at Dennis Scott because he once had a weight problem; they dressed as Frankenstein in an Eric Montross replica jersey; they named an “All Acne Team” of opposing players and further named Mike O’Koren the Oxy 10 poster boy; record albums were thrown at an N.C. State player accused of stealing a stereo; Maryland forward Herman Veal was showered with condoms and women’s panties after being accused of sexual misconduct (a charge of which he was exonerated); Steve Francis received a serenade of “SAT” because of academic struggles. The list goes on and on. All of these stunts, mind you, were performed on regional, often national, television–the better to publicize the “creative genius” of the Duke student body.

In the face of this churlish history, JJ Redick, complained in the 2004 season of opposing fans’ insensitivity towards Duke players. “Just from this year,” he whined, “there have been so many incidents from other team’s fans saying rude and crude remarks to us.” Which is the more amazing: that Redick would be surprised/troubled by opposing fans’ comments or that he would show the temerity to complain of the perceived unfairness publicly?

Only a few years earlier, during Matt Doherty’s first year as UNC head coach, Doherty concluded a closed team huddle–in a raucous environment where his team struggled to hear his words–with the statement, “Duke still has the ugliest cheerleaders in the ACC.” Somehow, word of this statement reached the media, whereupon the Duke students and alumni immediately exploded in outrage. How, they asked, could a coach utter such a callous remark? Surely such insensitivity could not be tolerated, they said.

Unbelievable, but true. Somehow, in the Duke mindset, a half-century of mocking the physical appearances of teen-aged players individually on national television is good-natured fun, while a coach’s private comment to his own players about a group of cheerleaders is grounds for persecution. Bringing its hypocrisy full-circle, only weeks ago (2005), the Duke student body, in its Maryland pre-game “cheer card,” (yes, they actually print and circulate such a thing), encouraged the student body to continue to spout cheers and jeers about how ugly they believe Steve Blake to have been.

Beyond the hypocrisy, it is difficult to select the word that best describes the Duke students who attend the school’s home games. Haughty, impudent, smug, egg-headed nerds–all capture elements, but none come close to painting the full descriptive picture. Roughly twenty years ago The Washington Post coined a useful but dated phrase in labeling the students: “Yuppie Brats.” Still, a full understanding of their detestable nature can be gathered only through experience, not description.

And yet the sports media, for reasons that baffle, glorify this same group. Led by Dick Vitale, who affectionately refers to the student section of Cameron Indoor Stadium as the “Cameron Crazies,” sports telecasters and analysts regularly imply–and often directly state–that the Duke student body is what is “great” about college basketball. These same commentators credit the students for their creative and clever game rituals, and they seemingly cannot say enough times what a “classy” program Duke is.

It’s an insane commentary on students who, as opposing players are introduced, chant such creative phrases as, “Antawn @#%$.” Another Duke trademark is the united chant of “@#%$” in response to any unfavorable official’s call. Before losing to UNC in 1989, the student body, referring to Carolina’s star center J.R. Reid, raised a sign that read, “J.R. Can’t Reid This.” The same statement was chanted, even though Reid was actually a quite intelligent and scholastically accomplished student athlete.

This is the stuff of class?

Now back to the hypocrisy factor. Dean Smith was badly troubled by the latter incident, which he understandably construed as a racial slur. Because Coach Smith had also recruited two of Duke’s big men, Christian Laettner and Danny Ferry, he coincidentally knew what these players scored on the SAT. In a press conference, he rebutted the crowd’s baseless innuendo by explaining that J.R. Reid and frontcourt mate Scott Williams accomplished a higher combined SAT score than did Laettner and Ferry, both white. Smith took pains to avoid disclosing any specific scores, nor did he provide any individual comparisons. In response, the same group that slanderously labeled Reid illiterate berated Smith for his audacity in disclosing the completely true, but purportedly “private,” information of its players.

Still unconvinced? Consider the case of J.R. Reid’s frontcourt running mate, Scott Williams. By all accounts, a great person, Williams suffered the worst imaginable tragedy when he lost both his parents in a murder-suicide shooting. Several of the good-natured, creative Dukies responded at the next Duke-UNC game with clever shouts of “Orphan, Orphan!” as Williams was introduced.

Enough said.

II. Coach K.Why else is Duke despised? No essay on the subject is complete without extensive discussion of the coach. The man who models the haughty demeanor that his players so perfectly emulate is an egotist to no end. This past summer’s experience is a prime example. Krzyzewski was approached by the Los Angeles Lakers and offered a coaching position. Admittedly, the story is worthy of news in the sports world, but what followed was truly absurd. Coach K issued media statements on a daily basis to advise of his intent to continue with his deliberations. Local newscasts actually led with the story throughout the week-long affair. At a time when American soldiers were dying daily and a presidential election was but weeks away, news outlets actually led one to believe that the latest in a series of K’s disingenuous flirtations with the NBA was front page news. Of course, in the end, Krzyzewski did what he has always done: chose to remain at his cherished college post, fully aware that he–like the overwhelming majority of his players–would enjoy zero success at the next level.

The man’s ego is such that it prevents him from ever accepting criticism. Take the 1994-95 season as an example. That was the year that Duke suffered an ignominious record of 13-18. Knowing when to fold them, K sat out the majority of the season, citing an ailing back (or hip or some body part), and delegated head coaching duties to assistant coach Pete Gaudet. Any standup guy would have accepted responsibility for the season that unfolded with his players, at his school, following his game plans. “Classy” Coach K, however, insisted that the season’s win-loss record be stricken from his career totals.

And if you think this was an isolated incident, think again. The man is a champion buck passer. When I attended the school during the 1989-92 time period, Duke squeaked by in a couple of regular season games, after which there was some question about the team’s leadership and direction. Always looking for a fall guy, Coach K actually turned on his own student body in a post-game press conference, barking that they had grown complacent in their support. “I think we need to understand what the @#%$ is going on here at Duke University,” was one of the quotes. This he said of the same students who camp out for weeks for the chance to support his team with their boorish displays.

This has proven to be a recurring Krzyzewski excuse, one that he resorted to even this year (2005) as his students remained as boisterous and obnoxious as ever in their game-time antics. No doubt, there is plenty for which to criticize these students, but support of the team is not one. K’s tendency to turn on his fellow vermin is a testament to his amazingly self-centered, one-dimensional mindset.

And let us not forget the man’s tendency to fault game officials for unfair calls–the same officials who regularly enable his team to make more free throws in a season than their opponents are allowed to attempt. More on that later.

III. Media Bias.The general public’s unawareness of the foregoing is perpetuated by the sports media’s irrational love for anything associated with Duke basketball. For reasons unimaginable, sportscasters, commentators, and writers constantly turn blind eyes to the plethora of reasons to despise the place, all while perpetuating the myths that Coach K and his Cameron Crazies are embodiments of class. Indeed, the media has become so jaded in its bias that it has taken to viewing Duke players as the victims of unfair and undeserved hostility.

A perfect example was aired by ESPN immediately after Duke’s second loss to Maryland this season. The network devoted a lengthy segment to the subject of how low opposing fans will go to get inside poor JJ Redick’s head. The segment started by showing JJ shooting alone in a quite and dark gym that he considers his quite and comfortable home, the absurd implication being that Duke offers a calm and reverent venue. Next, game clips of rival fans–mostly from Maryland–are shown shouting at Redick. From there, JJ himself (in a sickeningly sanctimonious tone of voice) bemoans the startling comments that he has heard from opposing schools’ students and fans. Midway through the piece, Chris Collins (of all people), offers his opinions as to what is and is not acceptable from a sportsmanship standpoint. The segment ends with JJ reading poetry and scripture, which he explains helps him through his tribulations. All of this, mind you, from a player whose supporting student body annually raises the bar for the most despicable courtside conduct in the country. The entire segment was preposterous, yet at no point did ESPN even hint at the possible irony.

Well JJ, please allow me to contribute the following gems of wisdom to your inspirational book of poetry, which hopefully will further assist you in enduring your life’s toils:

People who live in glass houses, should not throw stones / You reap what you sow / What goes around comes around.

As with its misguided adulation of the Duke student body and players, the media for some odd reason goes to absurd extremes to worship Krzyzewski as the ultimate role model. A classic case in point came in the 2001 season. Duke, in a home game against Georgia Tech, runs its lead to 44 points with under a minute to play, due largely to three-point shooting that continued long after the game had passed the point of gratuitous humiliation. Finally, as the clock went under thirty seconds, Duke graciously holds the ball for its final possession in lieu of a final field goal attempt. Mike Patrick, in his annoyingly dogmatic tone of voice, shouts, “Doesn’t that just show what a classy guy Mike Krzyzewski is? He doesn’t want to embarrass anybody.” It was as if the difference between a 44 and 46 point nationally televised drubbing was somehow a magnanimous show of sportsmanship.

The extent to which the media has become blind in its love for this program is astounding. Remember a few seasons ago when Duke came back from ten points down to Maryland in the final minute of play? A great comeback, no doubt, but Mike Patrick once again lost all grip on reality by emphatically stating how it was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. Apparently, Mike missed it when Carolina came back from eight points down in seventeen seconds, with no three-point shot available–against Duke, by the way.

To this day, we are still afflicted with video clips of Christian Laettner’s buzzer beating shot against Kentucky in the 1992 regional finals. Undoubtedly, it will remain firmly etched in the middle of CBS’s road to the Final Four for perpetuity. But why? A dramatic shot? Sure. But how many more spectacular–and far more significant–tournament shots have there been? How about a freshman named Jordan hitting the game winner in the 1982 National Championship game? N.C. State’s Lorenzo Charles dunking home the championship winner the very next year in one of the great Cinderella stories? Laettner’s shot was good, but please, for the love of Pete, spare us further viewing of this well-worn piece of film.

IV. Bias of Game Officials.The media bias, while annoying to be sure, pales in comparison (and significance) to that of the game’s officials. By now, most have heard how Duke’s basketball team has experienced seasons where its players convert more free throws than their opponents attempt. Admittedly, this fact standing alone is not necessarily cause for criticism, as smaller and lesser talented teams are more likely to foul their bigger, quicker, more talented adversaries. In Duke’s case, however, the actual numbers–when viewed in appropriate context–are staggering. In 2000-01, Duke’s last championship season, Duke actually attempted 1,002 free throws, compared to its opponents’ 701 attempts. Think about that statistic for a moment–over one thousand free throws. During that season, Duke players were assessed with 659 fouls; the opposition: 848. The year before, Duke converted on 618 free throws, 81 more than its opponents attempted.

Certainly, the foregoing statistics are absurd in themselves, but the issue becomes truly inexplicable when one considers the team’s traditionally aggressive approach to the game. Krzyzewski, remember, shuns the zone defense, insisting instead that his players confront even superior athletes with his signature, hard-nosed, man-to-man. By its nature, man-to-man is a more physical defensive style, one that usually generates a higher foul count than the more passive zone alternatives, but somehow not for Duke. Instead, Duke players routinely waltz to the charity stripe at twice the rate of their opponents, all while hacking, slapping, and hand-checking opponents up and down the court.

Remember too that Duke regularly leads the conference in steals and blocked shots–other tell-tale signs of aggressive play–and still enjoys prodigious advantages in foul tallies. Going back to the title year, for example, Duke had 411 steals compared to its opponents’ 282; Duke blocked 196 shots; its opponents, 117. Inside players, meanwhile, feast off of a constant barrage of moving picks and not-so subtle pushes. Danny Ferry, for example, was allowed to shove his way to better collegiate rebound stats than any number of superior inside players who have subsequently, in pro ball, easily exposed his dearth of true skills.

During the mid-1980’s, an ACC coach anonymously explained Duke’s defensive philosophy as follows: all five defensive players foul all five opposing offensive players at the same time, leaving officials too confused and stunned to respond. Since then, Duke’s impunity has evolved to the point where the game’s rules simply do not apply to the school. Referees absolutely refuse to blow the whistle when Daniel Ewing and Redick push off defenders with their left hands; Duke guards are never penalized for extending their arms laterally to obstruct opposing players’ movements; moving interior screens are simply expected; Shelden Williams swings his elbows into opposing player’s faces throughout games in which he collects a total of 3 personal fouls, (none as a result of his headhunting); Coach K screams himself hoarse with profanity with never a technical called. And who could forget 2005’s first UNC-Duke game where K presumptuously ambled onto the court, in the middle of play, to talk strategy with Redick. As Billy Packer himself noted, it was undisputable grounds for a technical foul, but the refs never thought of blowing the whistle.

The foul disparities become more baffling still, when one considers Duke’s prevailing offensive approach. In recent years, Duke has emphasized the three-point shot. For roughly the past five seasons, the offensive philosophy reminds one of the 1980’s Loyola-Maramount squads, as Duke players repeatedly jack up one long-range shot after another. Usually, such a team approach produces low foul counts for the opposition, as outside shooters are rarely fouled. Nevertheless, Duke’s free throw advantage continues unabated, even as JJ Redick runs and guns in a fashion that would make Rick Pitino proud.

Virtually every Duke game is a perfect example of the favoritism the players receive, but a classic case study has to be the first of the 2005 Duke-Virginia Tech games. Played at Duke, the game began with Shelden Williams driving his elbow at VT freshman center Deron Washington’s head, causing him to hit the deck. No foul was called, Williams scored an uncontested first two points of the game, and the tone was set. Throughout the game, Williams pushed, elbowed, and bullied his way through VT’s younger frontcourt players, with officials doing nothing. In the same game, however, the officials whistled an astounding thirty-four team fouls on Virginia Tech, many of which would have gone uncalled in a church league game. An amazing twenty-two fouls–nearly enough to foul out four players–were called in the first half alone. Not surprisingly, Duke won the game by 35 points, 30 of which were scored from the foul line. In an interesting contrast, when the same two teams met only weeks later in Blacksburg, the team foul tallies were essentially even. The result? A Virginia Tech win, (after which JJ Redick’s father complained publicly about the student body’s poor sportsmanship).

To make matters worse, during the first game, the Duke students began chanting, “Please stop fouling,” as if Tech was attempting to have its entire team disqualified. As the son of a VMI graduate, I have no love for VT, but could there be a greater example of the absurd lengths to which officials go with their favoritism?

A. The Duke Flop.A principal reason for the disparity in foul totals is the outrageous manner in which game officials apply the ever-subjective offensive foul rule. You know the scenario: An opposing player blows by a slower Duke defender while being closely guarded thirty feet from the basket. As the player races to the hoop for a lay-up, another Duke player jumps into his path, often while the offensive player is in the air, deliberately causing a dangerous collision near the basket. The late-arriving defender falls over backwards, arms flailing, with a melodramatic shriek. As sure as the sun sets in the West, one of the three game referees will run to the scene, often from far out of position, hand clasped behind his head, whistle sounding loudly, all with Krzyzewski’s pumping fist signaling his approval in the background. Of course, when the opposition attempts to return the favor, the call is just as surely a block or, at best, a no call.

While many times the Duke player accomplishes his goal of creating a violent collision, any given game brings several additional defensive “plays” in which a Duke defender drops to the floor when his opponent so much as breathes on him. The Duke team is so thoroughly trained to resort to this regularly rewarded tactic that it is common so see them fall anywhere on the court–near the basket, at mid-court, in the backcourt, sometimes while the offensive player is simply dribbling laterally, making no effort to move towards the basket. During the closing seconds of its last loss to Maryland (2005), for instance, a Duke defender actually flopped beneath Maryland’s defensive goal on an inbounds play. It seems only a matter of time before a Duke player is awarded a charge call for taking a seat at the scorer’s table. Any time is a good time for a Duke defender to dive under the feet of an offensive player in an effort to manufacture offensive fouls.

This patented “Duke Flop” is without a doubt the most maddening innovation of the Coach K era (with his players’ tendency to slap the floor at midcourt in a purported show of defensive solidarity running a close second). Over the course of an average game, the Duke opponent sees five to six baskets, or ten to twelve points (fifteen to eighteen if we count the three-point play that should have resulted), erased by this grossly one-sided call. Duke, meanwhile, receives an additional five to six free throws as opponents are regularly whistled for blocks. Year after year, legendary athletes, from Jordan to Bias to Duncan to Carter, are unfairly handicapped by the spectrum of inferior Duke players jumping into their paths and flopping backwards, even if contact is avoided. Indeed, it is not unusual for slow-motion replays to show Duke defenders beginning their staged falls, before–and occasionally in the total absence of–actual contact.

Much to the chagrin of flop-leader Shane Battier, it was because of this infuriating nonsense that the NBA actually amended its rules to prohibit offensive fouls from being called as the result of charges within five feet of the basket. And for great reason: games should not turn on the basis of inferior athletes deliberately diving into an opposing player’s path in order to manufacture an offensive foul call. This is not basketball. It breaks the flow of any game, angers fans, and endangers athletes. In a broader sense, it perverts the game by shaving points from opposing teams’ scores while simultaneously saddling their players with fouls that should never be charged.

B. Bastardizing Game Effects of Pro-Duke Officiating.Think the officials’ bias is inconsequential or overstated? Think again. While the numbers themselves tell the story, decades of history also provide extensive anecdotal evidence of the college ref’s embellishing impact. How many of the all-time Duke basketball greats promptly proceeded to fizzle at the next level, where game rules are actually enforced in an unbiased manner and where defenders must actually defend their opponents? Mark Alarie, Johnny Dawkins, David Henderson, Billy King, Robert Brickey, Phil Henderson, Kevin Strickland, Danny Ferry, Alaa Abdelnaby, Brian Davis, Antonio Lang, Cherokee Parks, William Avery, Shane Battier, Dahntay Jones, Chris Carawell, Mike Dunleavy–the list is seemingly endless. Past Duke rosters read like a “Who’s Who?” of professional basketball jokes, most of whom are quickly shipped out to European leagues because of their inability to make it in the NBA. With the sole exceptions of Grant Hill (on those rare seasons when he does not–like his college mentor–sit out entire seasons for injuries), Elton Brand, and Carlos Boozer, it would be fair to say that every Coach K-era Duke basketball star has, at the pro level, either completely failed or substantially under performed vis-à-vis his college record, with Danny Ferry perhaps best symbolizing the stuff of the Duke basketball reality check.

Even all-time media darling Christian Laettner has unwittingly exposed the extent to which his collegiate success depended upon Coach K’s striped worshipers. Laettner’s career NBA numbers (12.7 points, 6.7 rebounds per game) are reasonably respectable, even if accumulated while being traded more frequently than Krzyzewski’s hair dye schedule. However, his career–which includes but a single All-Star game–falls far short of the greatness that hoops analysts projected on the basis of his Golden Boy college years. And does anyone seriously believe that the trend of pro duds will end with JJ Redick and Randolph Shavlick?

Compare the post-collegiate accomplishments of the following UNC grads from the same time period: Michael Jordan, James Worthy, Sam Perkins, Brad Daugherty, Kenny Smith, Jerry Stackhouse, Rasheed Wallace, Antawn Jameson, Vince Carter. The group has collected enough NBA rings, All-Star appearances, and MVP awards to fill the Dean Dome. Nevertheless, each of these players, with the possible exception of Worthy (who went pro before Krzyzewski was given his sainthood status) struggled against the one-sided neutralizing effect of the collegiate officials.

Other absurd examples of the Duke Flop’s bastardizing effect on the game abound. When I attended Duke, for example, the student body rejoiced as Christian Laettner actually got the better of a vaunted LSU center named Shaquille O’Neal. Two seasons earlier, Christian finished with better numbers than Alonzo Mourning. These unfathomable outcomes were all due to the inane manner with which the college official favors Duke above any other team.

The mystery to all of this is why college refs would show such transparent favoritism to a program of haughty whiners. Remember Phil Henderson’s publicized mid-season tirade about Lenny Wirtz? How about Krzyzewski’s tendency to hold mid-court tantrums, replete with profanity, any time his team falls behind in a game? Just last season (2004), the man experienced a seemingly endless meltdown that would have made any spoiled three-year-old envious, as his team lost at home to Georgia Tech. Who could forget K’s classless screaming to refs “you killed us” after his team’s 2004 semifinal loss to UConn? Or Matt Christiansen physically accosting a referee in the aftermath of an earlier Duke tournament loss, only to be recognized weeks later by Coach K as the player who most exemplifies Duke basketball? And still the refs treat these spoiled louts as if they were their own fair-haired children.

At any rate, it is because of the Duke players’ inability to adjust to the shock of objectively enforced rules that so many fail in the NBA, and even in Europe (e.g., Casey Saunders’ being cut by a Swedish team), and quickly return–where else?–to Duke to rejoin Coach K as an assistant coach. Any given year brings us a team of real world flops who take on the role of assistant coach. Currently, two of Duke’s more obnoxious alumni–Chris Collins and Steve Wojokowski–join Johnny Dawkins in this capacity. Others, such as Tommy Amaker, Quinn Snyder, and David Henderson, have found homes as equally underachieving college head coaches.

V. The Fans. No essay on the ABD subject can be complete without discussion of the mindless Duke fan base that has emerged over the past decade or so. As distinguished from the obnoxious student body that at least has a reason to support the team, these are the fair-weather fans who simply root for whichever team enjoys a winning tradition at a given point in time. They are the folks we see in four-wheel drives donning Blue Devil baseball caps and championship bumper stickers. Neither the Duke fan nor his close friends or family members attended Duke, but they have all purchased Blue Devil apparel from a Durham County Wal-Mart.

Unheard of during Krzyzewski’s early years, this growing collection of gullible dupes also buys into the media’s misplaced love for Duke by believing that the program and its coach are class unmatched. Most of the fans are North Carolinians, who, perhaps not unreasonably, assume that the school’s central state location is reason enough to justify an allegiance to it. Because the Blue Devil fan has no firsthand experience with the school, he has no idea that the vast majority of the student body is imported, with a large percentage comprising smug Northeastern carpetbaggers who constantly mock North Carolina and its native residents. The Duke fan honestly believes that Mike Krzyzewski is handsome and marvels at his ability to coach ACC basketball for a quarter of a century without sprouting a single grey hair.

VI. The players. Without question, one could compose a lengthy book on the subject of despicable Duke players. It’s far easier to identify the few who do not turn our stomachs. For example, I generally had no problems with the starting five of K’s first final four team, (although Michael Jordan wannabe David Henderson bordered on the annoying). I later met Jay Bilas, a law school classmate of mine, and he is definitely a likeable guy–I’d even agree with classy. My sense was that Mark Alarie, Johnny Dawkins, (while he was a player anyway), and Tommy Amaker were similarly unobjectionable. But aside from this small group, the roster from any of the Krzyzewski-era teams reads like an historical survey of all-time NCAA tools.

The list is so inexhaustible that it is necessary to discuss the most hated Duke players by categories. First is what I describe as the “Wojo” prototype. Usually two to three on any Duke team, this is the player with average to below-average skills who, after ANY made basket, runs down the court with arms fully extended at his side, fists clutched, brows furrowed, and garbage effusing from a mouth opened as wide as humanly possible. The facial expression is a cross between that of a trash-talking punk and a toddler in mid temper-tantrum. The prototype was perhaps perfected by two of the current assistant coaches, Steve Wojokowski and Chris Collins, with the 2005 representatives being JJ Redick and–my personal favorite–Lee Melchionni. In an effort to put a favorable spin on these clearly detestable players, basketball commentators developed a euphemism for this particular type of Krzyzewski-bred jerk: “the emotional leader of the team.”

Admittedly, other schools occasionally have players of the Wojo mold: former N.C. State player Chris Corchiani and current Maryland swingman Nick Caner-Medley come to mind. But no other school has ever put forward such a consistent and unending string of infuriating tools. In addition to the previously mentioned annoying gnats, we’ve seen Danny Ferry, Bobby Hurley, Quinn Snyder, Bobby Hurley, Greg Koubek, Thomas Hill, Bobby Hurley, Brian Davis, Christian Laettner, Bobby Hurley, Cherokee Parks, and a herd of other past and present players who gallop down the court with that same smug look. I have no doubt that the reason Wojo himself was plucked from the radio booth and given the honor of an assistant coach position was his ability to mentor current Duke students in mastering the nuances of this prickly player profile.

Next, we have the “Dahntay” prototype. Named for Dahntay Jones, this player is a master of unabashed thuggery. He regularly resorts to dangerous, flagrant fouls, the majority of which are somehow never called. You may, for example, recall Dahntay himself striking Raymond Felton with a vicious elbow to the face during Felton’s freshman year. No foul was called (though the referees did order Felton out of the game until his bleeding was stopped). This “accidental” contact, incidentally, occurred almost a year after Jones broke the jaw of Wake Forest forward Justin Gray. The “Dahntay” prototype is physically what Krzyzewski is verbally: an out-of-control absurdity who gets a season-long free pass from game officials and a blind eye from the media. Other classic examples of these elbow-throwing, cheap shot artists include Danny Ferry, Greg Newton, Elton Brand, Matt Christianson, Casey Saunders, and, of course, Shelden Williams.

Then there is the “Duhon” prototype. A long-time Duke tradition, virtually every player from Danny Ferry forward fits this mold: haughty, smug, pompous players who look as though everyone around them is an untouchable piece of garbage. A further reflection of the coach, the best examples here often unfold off court. A few years back, for instance, Carlos Boozer left an ACC tournament game after being called for a foul. Unbeknownst to him, the camera followed as he sat on the bench, arrogantly staring forward. A water boy immediately stepped behind him and touched his shoulder with a cup of Gatorade, apparently forbidden from speaking to him. Boozer simply stared forward for a good twenty seconds, to good to say, “No thank you,” or even to shake his head. Dahntay Jones’ impromptu set of pushups in front of the television camera immediately after a dunk against UVA is another good example. I mentioned earlier Duhon’s smug proclamation that all other ACC schools simply compete for second place. Another great illustration is the prevailing tendency of Duke players to whine about the cruel manner with which opposing fans treat them, as if nothing short of homage is expected. But, above all, it is the unmistakable look of unadulterated conceit that has made the following illustrative players so easy to despise: Phil Henderson, Grant Hill, Brian Davis, Christian Laettner, Elton Brand, JJ Redick, Daniel Ewing, and, of course, Chris Duhon himself. The aforementioned Wojo and Collins, of course, also cross over into this list.

All of the foregoing prototypes are the direct results of Krzyzewski’s two-faced approach to the game. The saddest aspect of it all is the manner with which the “K” factor can convert even normal human beings into detestable *****. A case in point is Johnny Dawkins. As remarked earlier, I personally had few problems with this guy as a player. He struck me as a solid, overachieving player with a great shot and a vertical leap I could only dream of: a respectable counterpart to UNC’s Kenny Smith. But, oh, how things changed as the man morphed into a Krzyzewski clown, uh, clone. These days, every time the camera shows “Coach Dawkins,” he has that foul, contemptuous, chip-on-the-shoulder scowl permanently etched on his face, the look of a man so conceited that he resents even being required to prove his superiority.

VII. The Place is PHONY. As the extensive evidence of Duke hypocrisy suggests, Duke, its students, players, fans, and coaches, are a bit on the disingenuous side. And yet few people appreciate that the school is fake to its core.

I still recall my orientation, during which a second-year law student took us on a short tour of the west campus. As we walked between the gothic buildings, she explained the school’s origin by telling us that James B. Duke had a love affair for Princeton University. He actually tried to buy the place, but Princeton was not looking to sell. After being rebuffed, Mr. Duke decided he would build his own Princeton. Hence, stone-carved gothic architecture was added to what was then Trinity College.

Additional efforts were taken to cause the twentieth century buildings to appear much older than they are, our guide explained. For example, acid was placed on the stairs in order to cause them to have a time worn appearance. I couldn’t believe Duke wanted to publicize this history, but it confirmed what I already suspected: that Duke, from its inception, has tried to be something that it is not.

No one epitomizes this phony tradition better than Coach K. From his jet-black dyed hair, to his hypocritical attempts to paint himself as a model citizen, K nauseates me each and every fall. Indeed, he ascends to new zeniths of abhorrence each year as he does things like star in American Express commercials in which he claims an interest in helping players develop as human beings.

If the man were simply a boorish lout, I would not take as strong an offense to him. Bobby Knight, for instance, is about as foul mannered as they come, but he doesn’t pretend to be something he’s not. Ditto for Gary Williams, John Cheney, and other coaches who are rough around the edges, but also the first to admit it. Only K–and his disciples–go through life as obscene, self-centered, smug, haughty jerks while pretending to be the sport’s Snow White.

VIII. Obstinate Refusal to Accept/Act Upon Constructive Criticism.Last, but far from least, we loathe Duke University because its arrogance prohibits it from recognizing and correcting its most serious deficiencies. What other explanation can there be for the fact that Duke still has, without a doubt, the absolute, #1, undisputed, UGLIEST cheerleaders in the ACC?

I don't know if there are any "Lost" fans in here, but I thought I would see what you all think.

I for one am getting a little tired of the show. At first I thought it was brilliant in the way they developed the characters and left the plot lines such a mystery. I also liked all the hidden things in the show that you had to pay attention to. I feel it is one of the better shows on right now and it is set up in such a way that it can continue to be good for a while. However, at some point I feel like they need to start answering a few more questions to keep my interest high. I am almost getting bored with it, It's like I need something more to hold on to. Not only do I need them to answer some of the questions about the current plot, but I also feel that there are many unanswered questions from last season that it would appear the writers hoped we had just forgotten about. For instance the whole white bear that was attacking them on the island, we never got an answer and they have not come back to it. It seems like so far this season the information from weeks of new shows could have been combined into a couple of episodes

I understand that leaving things a mystery allows them to go in whatever direction they want to go in future episodes, however if they don't start anwering questions they will lose viewers and not have future episodes, becasue I know that I am not the only one who feels this way. Sarah shares this thought and so do a number of people that I work with.

What do you guys think?

I don't know how this hasn't been discussed yet, because I believe it was in our NU debates, but Josh Freeman, the number four rated quarterback in the country (according to Rivals.com), is solid in his committment. There was a strong rumor (and apparently had some truth to it) that he was taking an official visit to Oklahoma.

I cannot put up any part of the article from Rivals, but basically he had a trip scheduled, and some future teammates apparently talked him out of it and he cancelled. Thank God--from everything that has been said about the kid, Harrison Beck might have seen the field this past week for the first time, and for the last time.

Sorry if everyone already knew this.

Just in case you haven't, check out the Man in Black's user profile. It might be one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

http://www.blogger.com/profile/6728039

The ones that really stuck out to me is that one of his favorite books is "There's A Monster At the End of This Book!", "Blues Clues" is one of his favorite movies, etc. However, the end-all highlight is his first "interest:"

Smoking while pooping

And what even (somehow) makes that even funnier is when you click on the hyperlink, and blogger brings up the Browse Profiles page, and under it says "Profiles with an interest in smoking while pooping."

I'm sure everyone has read this, as his profile has 94 views, but this really needed it's own post, in my estimation.

eat shit.

http://barometer.orst.edu/vnews/display.v/ART/2005/07/27/42e7c8c3458b3

I know it is easy to get caught up in the hype over high schoolers as fans, but the state of college basketball is, in a word, sad. Someone needs to take a step back, take a deep breath, and remember these are HIGH SCHOOL KIDS, for God's sake.

Oh, and nice quote in there about Coach Kryssdfadsfdsfsdfsdferewrwewadsnski. He really cares about young people, huh?

Pete, this is for you...
I know that recruiting is definately not the end all to determining success..far from it but it damn sure helps to have athletes. This is all taken from rivals but i think this helps my "patience argument." It also helps my theory that Solich sucks.

With ten weeks to signing day, the rankings of Big 12-North teams look like this:
I. Current Recruiting Rankings (Class of '06): (11/15/05)

1. Texas (24 verbals)
2. Georgia (24)
3. Notre Dame (19)
4. LSU (17)
5. Florida State (12)
6. Auburn (13)
7. Alabama (13)
8. UCLA (20)
9. Nebraska (13)
10. Oklahoma (14)
…
…
Other Big 12-North teams:

43. Kansas (9)
47. Missouri (8)
50. Iowa State (12)
51. Kansas State (6)
68. Colorado (9)


II. Class of 2005 Final Rankings---Big 12-North:

5. Nebraska
…
…
36. Kansas State
39. Missouri
43. Colorado
48. Kansas
58. Iowa State


III. Class of 2004 Final Rankings---Big 12-North:

18. Kansas State
27. Nebraska (Solich/Callahan transition class)
29. Missouri
42. Iowa State
49. Colorado
51 Kansas


IV. Class of 2003 Final Rankings---Big 12-North:

19 Colorado
28 Missouri
39 Kansas
42 Nebraska (Solich)
46 Iowa State
60 Kansas State


V. Class of 2002 Final Rankings---Big 12-North:

10 Colorado
14 Kansas State
29 Missouri
30 Iowa State
40 Nebraska (Solich)
58 Kansas

Here's my point...is Callahan a good choice? I don't know the verdict is still out but this helps point out how little he had to work with in terms of upper classman. Let's at least give the guy a chance until we see what he can do with some good players and players that fit his system. Solich and staff were getting out recruited by pretty much everyone which should never happen @ Nebraska. I think this staff has done a much better job in terms of recruiting, let's see if they can turn that into some success.

Eat Shit.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/4441928.stm

Bill Snyder is retiring. How funny is that?

Good riddance, old man.

I don't know if anyone else was watching Sportscenter tonight, but the following quote was just uttered:

"What Conor Oberst is to Bright Eyes, J.J. Reddick is to Duke."

What the deuce? That was weird. I don't even have anything clever to say about that. It's too late. I was mainly just shocked.

It looks like Arrested Development was canned again. It's really too bad, I enjoyed watching a show that wasn't a mindless situational comedy.

I think that Nebraska easily has the most awful fans in college football. Why? Because there are basically two types. The collective intelligence in this state cannot rationalize anything between polar opposites on virtually any topic, the Huskers are no different. Here they are, followed by descriptions:

1. The Apologist-Nebraska can do no wrong. Supports the program no matter what, Solich or Callahan. Would come up with an excuse for Adam Carriker to anally rape a male tuba player on the field. Writes letters describing how LP is "misunderstood." Thinks Jim Rose is a great play-by-play guy. Knows very little about college football other than the Big 12. Wonders how people can live in this state without being Husker fans, even though The Sympathizer is the main reason for this. Consumate Husker Homer.

2. The Criticizer--Doesn't care what the Huskers do, it's wrong. Hated Solich, now hates Callahan and wants Solich back. Possibly wears an Ohio hat on occassion. Wanted TO fired for 25 years. Goes to the games and yells at coaches, players, and refs. The guy who calls into radio shows to complain about the receivers coach. Cares about recruiting way too much, this is the only thing that makes him happy because the recruits don't suck until they set foot on campus. The guy you always sit next to in the South Stadium. Probably dumb, always misinformed, never interesting.

I would wager that 75% of all Nebraska fans fall into one of these extreme categories. Either way, they are equally annoying.

I probably am Criticizer leaning, at least I find in this camp more general knowledge of college football and therefore a little easier to understand.

Your thoughts?

Nebraska football doesn't have great fans, we just lost so rarely that we seemed good.

The losing, the booing and the constant program criticism, coupled with this ridiculous residual Ohio support have exposed us as one thing, the same as everyone else.

On Saturday afternoon at about 4PM, I started to cry in the stands at Memorial stadium. Why? Because they burned fucking Beck's redshirt after Taylor tried to go Mike Alstott on some linebacker that weighed twice what he did. Ok, if they weren't saving Beck for a redshirt, then why didn't they play him against Wake Forest when they had the game firmly in hand? Why didn't they play him when Taylor couldn't do shit against Oklahoma or Kansas in the second half? Why did they wait until the second to last game of the season to give him an opportunity to even see the field? When he threw that interception, I turned to my dad and said, "Great, now they've ruined both his confidence and his career." Why were they throwing the ball in the first place? K-State hadn't been able to move the ball at all against the NU defense. In fact, the NU offense was the impetus for every K-State point in the second half (two fucking safeties? What the fuck are we doing?). All they had to do was run the ball, have Koch kick a sixty yard, with-the-wind punt if they stalled out, and show trust in the defense. Instead they put pressure on an 18 yr. old kid to make plays that he shouldn't have been called on to make. Granted, he performed remarkably on that last drive and NU won the game. But now Beck has lost an entire season of eligiblity that he didn't have to lose. I know NU has the wonder giant coming in to play quarterback next year, but Beck may still be the star of this team in years to come and I would prefer that he has a chance to start 4 yrs, not just 3.

We have a special guest blogger with us today--since he's not registered, I'll go ahead and give him his screen name: Sweet Seger, or, The Young Republican. Anyways, he sent this e-mail along to me, and I decided that you really cannot say it much better than he did, so I just copied the entire thing for everyone to read:


I'm going to the game with my dad so it should be a good time. I have to admit, after reading Boyd Eppley's comments in the paper earlier in the week, I really didn't even want to go. My dad actually tried to sell our tickets, but no one even wanted them. I was real close to getting loose with a rant on the blog but decided not to.

I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I've gone through about every emotion thinking about this team the past five days. There were times that I didn't even want us to beat KSU because I thought maybe if things got bad enough that we could rid ourselves of at least Pederson. To be honest, I don't like many of the coaches, players, administration or even what this program stands for right now. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to go and cheer tomorrow, but it won't be for the current regime. I'll be cheering for Devaney, Osborne, Solich (for his years as an assistant) and for all the great players in the past. Those guys know what the "N" stands for and showed that they cared even if the current ones don't. The whole thing really makes me sad and I never thought I would feel so down about the Huskers.

Bottom line, I predicted last Friday that Kansas would beat us, which was the first time I picked against us all year long. Well, make that two, because I don't see us winning tomorrow. KSU 31, NU 17.

I just saw on Drudge that in the Congressional report on Rafael Palmerio that speed, or "greenies," is much more prevalent in MLB than steriods. Here is what The Smoking Gun said:

"NOVEMBER 10--Already rocked by a steroid probe that has engulfed some of its biggest stars, Major League Baseball may now be entering phase two of its drug scandal, thanks to a new congressional report. While a House of Representatives committee announced today that it could not conclude that Baltimore Oriole Rafael Palmeiro perjured himself during a March 2005 hearing on steroids, the panel's report on the Palmeiro matter, an excerpt of which you'll find below, includes bombshell allegations about the use of amphetamines, or "greenies." In fact, one player (who is not named in the report) told federal investigators that the illicit use of speed is "part of the baseball world." The athlete added that he even steered clear of clubhouse coffee for fear that teammates had spiked it with amphetamines. "I can guarantee you there has [sic] been players, when a team is struggling or a team is going through a bad streak, they will spike the coffee," the player told House officials. Dan Wheat, a former Texas Rangers head trainer, told probers that the use of speed was "prevalent" among big leaguers and he considered it a bigger problem than steroids. The report quotes Wheat recalling how he once asked a player, "Of the nine players on the field, how many took greenies today?" Wheat said that the athlete responded, "eight." Click here to download a PDF of the entire 44-page Palmeiro report. (2 pages) "

Bombshell?? Really? Is anyone on this blog suprised by this? OK, I guess that is not entirely fair as this might be the strongest concentration of jaded, skeptical critics this side of conspiracy sites, but are that many people suprised by this?

Baseball consists of a 162 GAME SCHEDULE. This, along with Spring Training (woo-hoo!), encompasses what, right around 8 months of the year? Not to mention winter ball for minor-leaguers? Seriously, there are some guys who play baseball almost EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE YEAR. Not just catch, not just working out--playing or going to games EVERY SINGLE DAY. Does anyone really believe that any normal human can do this without a little help?

WHO CARES?????

This rant brought to you by the letter "F," and the finger "middle" for Congressman that are actually using our tax dollars to find out that baseball players use speed. I just hope they don't get around to doing one of these "committee hearings" for salespeople that are going to go out tonight and drink 20 Red Bulls with npgage, Man in Black, Big Boi, Pete, and others. Because is there really a difference?

(Yes, I know there is a difference, but come on!)

I was one of the Cub fans out there that kept insisting that Hendry make a move for Ugueth Urbina last season. Yeah....I don't want him anymore. From ESPN.

Urbina arrested on attempted murder charges

CARACAS, Venezuela -- Philadelphia Phillies relief pitcher Ugueth Urbina has been arrested in Venezuela on charges that he and a group of friends attacked employees at his ranch with machetes and tried to set fire to them, police said on Tuesday.

Friend: Hey, Urbie! This is a great party!
Urbina: Yeah, thanks for being here, man!
Friend: Hey, I don't know about you, but you know what would really take it up to legendary status?
Urbina: Wait...you're not thinking what I'm thinking, are you?
Friend: YEP! LET'S...
Urbina: ATTACK THE EMPLOYEES WITH MACHETES AND DO OUR RESEVOIR DOGS IMPERSONATION AGAIN!
Friend: Man, Urbie, you're parties are the shit.

Ok, so Sarpy County recently passed a law which restricts convicted sex offenders from living within 2,000 feet of any school, public school bus stop, licensed day care center, park, playground or library. It seems perfectly natural to want to restrict the exposure of children to the type of criminals with the most repeat offenses. However, when you actually examine the impact of this law, only about 29% of Sarpy County is outside of 2,000 feet from schools, bus stops, etc. And most of that 29% is farmland. So basically what this law is going to do is force sex offenders from Sarpy County into Douglas and Lancaster Counties. So all of you living in Omaha and Lincoln, get ready for the pedophiles.

In my opinion, this law should be struck down because its a violation of Due Process rights and there might even be an equal protection argument as well. The months and weeks ahead will determine whether these new sex offender laws will actually stand up to scrutiny. A man in Papillion specifically did not move so that he could challenge the law, so we'll soon see whether this thing stands up to constitutional scrutiny. If it does, Douglas and Lancaster will likely follow suit along with other major metropolitan areas across the nation. And while I see why we need to protect our children from sexual molesters, I also think its a crime to infringe upon these criminals' rights by making them move from their homes, especially after they have already served their time. I also may not have the proper frame of mind, since I don't have any kids (that I know of).

With Heavysoulers dropping like flies, the question has to be posed.

With me, oh yeah! Sell out! With me tonight! Because the blog company is gonna give me lots of money and everything will be! All! Right!

Yes, with the help of Reel Big Fish lyrics, Heavy Soul has officially sold out. I turned on the AdSense option to the blog, so we can start getting that C.R.E.A.M.--get the money! Dolla dolla bills, y'all!

Anyways, enough music quoting here--the reason I did it is because I have read that it can rachet up traffic to the site. I'm guessing the amount of money that will be made out of this is...oh, $2 a month? Maybe? If I ever do, in fact, receive any kind of check, I will take every contributor to this blog out drinking sometime. The way I figure it, I will be able to buy each contributor one beer in roughly two years with the incredible stream of cash that will be generated by this blog.

In all seriousness, if we don't see any kind of spike in traffic after a month or so of this, I will take it off. I think it looks stupid up there, but worth it if we can get some more readers here.

Thanks to everyone for coming to the Old Dundee last night! Denise and I had the perfect evening. Also, thanks for sticking me with the tab! What, I didn't spend enough on the ring?

"Another one bites the dust."--Denise

A new Friday tradition--the open thread! Discuss whatever you want! Comment it up! It will be like a Heavy Soul chat! Wooooooo!

To commemmorate this new tradition, I turned on the word verification on the comments, so the stupid f***ing spammers cannot put their stupid f***ing websites in our comments.

We will not back down from these terrorists!

Anyways, to get the discussion going...what'd everybody do last night, and/or what's everybody up to this weekend? For me--Pete, Hales, and I went to Murphy's Lounge, where one of the most sober full-beer spills of all time took place, and Pete was soaked because of it. It has been determined that the cause of this accident is because Hales is left-handed, and was mocked because of it.

Lastly, Big Boi, best of luck on the big test. And NP Gage, I hope that your ballrocker test went well. Give us an update, if you're not face-down in a pile of your own vomit by now.

Was this in North Platte or the Capitol of the free world....
http://www.nbc4.com/news/5241063/detail.html?subid=54101381

MIB and NPGage...this is for you.

I Love Curling

For those of you not aware, when we lived at Hilltop during the winter Olympics; Gage, MIB and myself quite possibly fell in love with the sport of curling. Frankily we all wanted to start playing the sport and considered a move to Canada just to start playing. This calendar only makes the sporter greater in my eyes.

OMG! Let's all take a second to breathe. Take a valium or a puff off of your peace pipe if you need. Everyone just needs to cool out. COOL OUT! I love you all and if this blog and our friendships are going to be destroyed, we either need a Royal Rumble, or, as I am willing to suggest, a battle of who has the coolest celebrity encounters. I'll start. I'll probably lose.

1. Rode with Dr. J from the North Platte High School to Adams Middle School circa 1988 when he spoke. Ok, I was in the way, way back of a suburban and he rode shotgun. No, I did not talk to him.

2. Met former Bears running back Dennis Gentry when he came to McDonald Elementary school in 1990 to visit his nephew Michael Gentry. Sat at the same lunch table as the dude.

3. Recognized by Mark Prior at a Cubs Spring Training game after being a CWS Ambassador a couple years before.

4. The incident I shall one day call, "That time I slept with Scarlett Johannson."

5. Buying actors Dave Foley and Leah Thompson glasses of scotch at a concert in Lincoln while they were filming, "Out of Omaha." I thought I was a red nose.

6. Buying Ryan Adams' steel guitar player a Heineken and having him refuse at a concert in Lincoln.

7. Getting backstage after a Blues Traveler show and getting an autographed harmonica from John Popper.

8. I've been on HuskerVision three, count 'em three times.

9. Big Boi and I had some guys in an Omaha band over for Foreman Burgers one night after a concert.


I hope this puts the focus back on ourselves and our own egos as opposed to hurting others.

To the best First Basemen in baseball, Derrek Lee, for his second Gold Glove! Greg Maddux also picked up a Gold Glove. Too bad he could have dropped, oh, about 7 of those 15 losses. Oh well, at least he did something right.

Wait 'till next year!

So far it would seem to me, and most people, that the race for the Heisman is between Vince Young and Reggie Bush. I am wondering what you guys think. If it is between those two, who has the edge at this point? Who might be some dark horses or eligable candidates?

Hey all,

Sarah and I will be in Lincoln/Omaha Dec 1-4. It may be the only time we are home through the holidays so we should all get together at some point.

So you've all heard about the mysterious lack of holding calls going against Husker opponents this year, and it was especially glorified right before the whole Slashing incident. I'm not one to complain about officiating much, especially after becoming a coach....you learn to never use it as an excuse...BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT, this is F'ING REDICULOUS!
A little research into how bad it's been against the 'Skers this year:
Our opposition has run a total of ......
608 offensive plays this year.
333 running plays. (1 holding call)
275 passing plays. (NO holding calls)
Surrendering 39 sacks and 91 tackles for loss.
There were 2 holding calls on kicks but 1 was declined.

Nebraska has run a total of ......
594 offensive plays this year.
284 running plays. (3 holding calls)
300 passing plays. (8 holding calls)
Surrendering 26 sacks and 57 tackles for loss.

Now any of you that watch a lot of football (ok everyone here) realizes that a holding could be called on about 75% of all plays ran....and STILL, 1 FREAKING HOLDING CALL in almost 600 plays ran against our defense.
I'm Speechless, Callahan should take the fine and rip the Big XII officials a hew a-hole in his next press conference.

On the other hand, as bad as our OLine is and for Zac Taylor's sake they should be holding a helluva lot more apparently.

After reading that the Fed is raising interest rates for the 12th time in the last 17 months, I realized that I am very worried that when Alan Greenspan dies, nobody is gonna be able to fill his place. I don't even know why I care--I don't understand anything about what he does. I just get this feeling that he's one of those guys who is the only person in the world who knows how to do his specific job. Inflation this, quarter-percent raise that. May as well be aldkfa a;dhfasdh. Wha? And that is a golden effing example why I am afraid of the day ol' Al croaks. So I am just going to go back to not knowing anything about whatever it is he does and leave the worrying to the people who have money.

The day that I thought I would ever agree with something 50 Cent said was the day Hell froze over. The day that I thought that 50 Cent would say something opposite of Kanye West and be right was the day after Hell froze over. Well, Big Boi, I hope you have a space heater for your office:

The IN DA CLUB star believes human intervention could not have prevented the effects of the hurricane, which killed over a thousand people in the US gulf states in August (05), and sees no point in reprimanding the President for something which was beyond his control.
He says, "The New Orleans disaster was meant to happen. It was an act of God.
"I think people responded to it the best way they can. "What KANYE WEST was saying, I don't know where that came from."